By now, we figure you know that no country celebrates Christmas quite like Japan. Every December, all the bad taste and nuttiness that merely bubbles beneath other people’s Xmas simply explodes across the Land of the Rising Sun with righteous fury. And perhaps there is no better proof of this phenomenon than the very strange Santa Claus costumes that pop up on Japanese e-commerce sites every December. Let’s try and wrap our eggnog-addled brains around them…
First of all, how hard is it to get Santa Claus wrong? Why is he white, and not red? Was there not enough photo reference available? Was everyone involved with this costume color blind? Is this costume for the color blind?
Meet would-be superhero SANTA MAN, tireless defender of…well, we’re not quite sure and actually don’t really want to know.
Maybe Santa Man’s arch villain is MISERY SANTA. Maybe someone doesn’t know what the word “Misery” actually means. It’s sort of hard to tell what’s going on here. Christmas can be pretty miserable though, especially if you don’t get that Turbo Man figure you asked for...
EVIL SANTA! Now...Is this costume a wry self-commentary on the crass commercialization of Christmas or just a bank robber in a disguise about as subtle as the $ symbol on his loot bags? Actually, I don’t care. I love EVIL SANTA.
When you think of the colors of a traditional Xmas, what comes to mind? Red, Gold, Green, and LEOPARD PRINT! Just add some fishnet stocking for that extra touch of class and presto, WILD LEO SANTA appears!
I'm pretty sure that BLACK SANTA MANTEAU is just SANTA MAN in disguise. I think those glasses were the subtle clue that gave him away.
ZIPPER GIRL SANTA! Because nothing adds greater value to a cheap and flimsy Santa costume than that most precious and valubale of commodities...A ZIPPER!
Our survey of terrifying Japanese Santas ends here, with the curious words, “I’m a lovely Santa!” Question for future humankind: What would you do if BASIC SANTA MAN came tumbling down your chimney?
Patrick Macias is the editor in chief of Crunchyroll News. He also runs a terrifying Tumblr blog called Japanese Fashion Inferno that must be seen to be believed.