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Post Reply Becoming Adult
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Posted 11/5/17 , edited 11/5/17
Boy's only become men when they bang their Wendy.
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WARNING: wall of text.....

Life change unit (aka LCU): loss, epiphanies, cathartic moments can shape your outlook as you journey though life. I didn't understand too much of it until age 39. Thirty-nine started the ball rolling toward a readjustment and I have to thank all the women that put up with my foibles along the way. I could've gotten myself married at age 40 to a smart woman of 32 who had 2 growing boys but I didn't work at making that relationship a success because of my own fear of probable failure as a step-dad: her 11 year old was needy and the 4 year old hated my guts. Her pushiness and infrequent lying drove me away also. We were polar opposites: I, a lonely only fearful of domineering women (mother issues); she, the smartest, most monetarily successful of her 7 siblings of which 4 were raised by her biological dad while she and 3 were raised with her biological mother. She suffered from abandonment issues re her father belittling her 75% of the time and for being successful. She was always a disappointment as far as he was concerned. I never met her A-W of a father though her step-dad and biological mother were pretty nice. Her step-dad drove a logging truck in northwest Montana while her Mom stayed home and raised the 4 kids. Trucking: that was the connection twixt myself and her step-dad. We clicked right away.

The awareness factor for me reared its head when I went back to a midwestern University to reinvent myself (third time) by age 46. I learned a lot about myself and my psyche from grad level Psych courses and while working 5 years at a Developmental Center for Citizens who had suffered from MR, cerebral palsy, birth defects. The latter situation was the most worthwhile job I ever had even though the pay sucked.

Lol, women entering adulthood past age 14: the lucky ones do. The other lady I almost married (I called it off with 5 days to go before commitment) was Manic-Depressive. I have to thank the grad-level studies in Psychology for standing up to this person. JC was 4 years my junior, dropped out of a PhD program at Vanderbilt after 2 years' work (got bored). Very interesting individual, quite intelligent, hot (9/10), almost as tall as myself, children were grown, had an OK but not great job.

I have elaborated in earlier posts here what a nightmare our "relationship" became. We only knew each other 6 months and I was already getting myself financially strapped supporting some of her habits, foibles (over $15K). The longer I knew her the more I didn't trust her. Screaming, lots of screaming when she didn't get her way. It was like dealing with an 11-year old drama queen. Phew! We went to 2 different marriage counselors (she hated the female counselor I met several times over the years and I didn't care for her guy).

I wish I had a copy of the transcript of the Sheriff's Department phone recording the day I moved her out using a Class 1 mover instead of Two Men & A Truck (so I could only be on the hook for 30 days storage of 15K lbs of her furniture which filled 3 straight trucks instead of forever if any overage had to go into normal corner lot storage facility). When she came "home" and saw 4 United Van Line trucks near the house 3 days early......ever been to a volcano eruption? She called the sheriff, accused me of stealing her stuff, etc. She talked for 20 minutes, I talked to the sheriff liaison officer for 15 minutes (all the while she was screaming during that interim). The sheriff informed her I was within my right to move her out (name not on house title, no kids between us, etc) and to shut it. Amazingly, she reverted from a whiny 11-year old to the 50-year old adult woman she was when she heard that. I spent 5 solid days packing her stuff. She didn't lift a finger to help. Sat in the living room and read a book. Told me I owed her. Oh, don't get me started.....I could post 2 pages graphic detail about "stuff" but I won't.

Amazing, at age 56 for a guy having never, ever been married in his lifetime I sure knew what divorce was like. And, lo, money cannot buy you happiness. I had more of that back then before I was introduced to her by 1 of my good neighbors.

Cognitively I think younger than many of my same age friends. Probably stems from a head injury at age 2. Idk.
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Posted 11/6/17 , edited 11/6/17
According to law, you magically become an adult at the age of 18! It's crazy how that switch instantly flips when one's age hits a certain number, eh?
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Posted 11/6/17 , edited 11/6/17
Feeling like an adult kinda snuck up on me. I didn't really feel like a "man" until my late 20's. It's when I realized I had my own family, responsibly paying bills, rent, and taxes, a good well-paying steady job, and not letting people influence me so much and making my own choices.
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Posted 11/6/17 , edited 11/6/17
How to be an adult

> Pay your bills
> Handle your responsibilities
> You are your own person stop blaming others for your own problems
> If you have a problem fix it yourself you are an adult
> Get a job

You can be a professional gamer, a fur fag, a weeb, a larper, a cosplayer, a jock, or anything else as long as you can provide for and take care of yourself and your family.
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Posted 11/6/17 , edited 11/6/17

flashsmith wrote:
The question I asked myself twenty years ago was "Great Ceasars' Ghost, how old do you have to be to become an adult?" This is the question I would like to explore.


Well, we may have lofty ideals about adulthood, but those guys were definitely adults. You've described them as leading responsible lives, serving in the Navy, each providing for their own family.

And now, their mother has passed away and they are upset and arguing with their brothers. It could be that they're stressed and looking for reasons to vent.

I think they can be respected as adults even if they have selfish arguments with their brothers their entire lives. As long as they aren't doing anything extremely and unreasonably damaging.
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Posted 11/11/17 , edited 11/12/17

qwueri wrote:


flashsmith wrote:

This topic is an exploration of a question I asked myself over twenty years ago. First though, I would like to state that I have never actually felt like I was an adult. I have always felt like a child pretending to be an adult. Everyday I put on a suit to go to the office, I feel like I am cosplaying Perry White. Whenever difficulties come up, I am always asking myself, "What would Perry White do?" .

The event that happened over twenty years ago was the death of my wifes' grandmother. Everyone gathered at her home for the services and afterwards, her children gathered together for the reading of the will, followed by a discussion of distributing her personal possessions among her 5 sons and daughter, all in their 80's. I wasn't in the room, but I didn't have to be. The sons were screaming at the top of their lungs in what can only be described as temper tantrums. I swear I am not making this up, but I heard one of them say "Mom always liked you best", and I swear I am not sanitizing this because of the mixed age groups on this website, but they were calling each other "DoDo heads". The only sane voice in the room was the sister. The question I asked myself twenty years ago was "Great Ceasars' Ghost, how old do you have to be to become an adult?" This is the question I would like to explore.

For the purpose of this discussion, I would like to define a child as someone that considers themselves before others and an adult as someone that considers others before themselves and that this is a continuum. As our lives unfold, we become less and less child and more and more adult. This definition seems somewhat insufficient, but I do think it captures the essence of what it means to be a child and what it means to be an adult.



Your definition of "child" and "adult" seem odd. A young child is perfectly capable of making decisions that benefit others over themselves, and an adult is also capable of getting through life thinking of little more than themselves. Altruism and consideration may be part of what defines an adult; but it's also their ability to take responsibility for their own well being (and that of others), to pursue their own ambitions, and bear the responsibility for their own mistakes.

The event you referred to is more siblings reverting to how their relationships were before they split away from each other to pursue their own lives, likely due at least in part to the stress of the loss of their mother and the inevitable conflicts that arise in the aftermath of losing a parent. It could very well be they have long unresolved resentments towards oneanother and they don't have much if any experience interacting with one-another as adults due to extended separation. I don't think that disqualifies them as being adults, but adults are not always at their best 100% of the time. Being an adult is not playing Perry White every waking moment.

Relationships can help to accelerate consideration of others and less reliance upon others for basic day-to-day, but they can also just transfer dependencies from parents to partners. A single person can certainly be mature, but it takes a significant degree of self-satisfaction/validation. Where a family unit may expand their priorities onto the entire family unit, a single person may expand priorities outside themselves onto other things (job, cause, hobby, pets, etc.).


Thank you for taking the time to post a reply. You gave me a lot to think about.

I guess you had to be there. Please picture a mom in the grocery store with her kid in the shopping cart and she makes the blunder of wheeling past a shelf of toys. The kid wants a toy, the mom says no, and the store is filled with the noise of a wailing child. So, when someone behaves like that, there are no excuses, no explanations, no mitigating circumstances, they forfeit all claim to being an adult.

Everyone seems to find it too incredible for someone to make it to 80, having the maturity of a child in a shopping cart. I too was shocked, but because I was there, I don't have the luxury of denying it happened or that it is possible. I perceive this as being very similar to someone with a high school diploma that never learned how tor read. You are shocked to discover it, can't imagine how it could happen, yet you are confronted with an individual, holding a diploma, that can't read a word. I have worked with people like this, and they "Get by with a little help from their friends", asking co-workers to "explain" a document to them instead of just asking them to read it or asking for assistance on a task. So, they manage. Along the same lines, these brothers managed. You don't have to be mature to marry and have a family, you just need to marry an adult. You don't need to be mature to be in the military, you just need to do what you are told, when you are told to do it and take care not to call your superior officers dodo heads. When they left the military, and joined the private sector, they too could have gotten some help from their friends. You just have to team up with people that are adults and have them do the presentations to the boss or customers. I have done this myself. My aura does not project maturity, so when I started my own company and was looking for bank loans, it didn't go well. So I hired a CFO that exuded maturity and sent him to the banks to get the loans.

I would like to point out their chosen careers, scientists and engineers. If you want to pick two occupations where the employers are forgiving of some quirks, it would be these two occupations. Plus, if you are a star, a problem solver, a finisher, someone that gets things done, they will overlook almost anything. These brothers were stars. All have their names on numerous patents and two have made it into the history books. They may well have been geniuses so I think it likely that any immaturity issues were overlooked. So, to sum this up, it can happen and there are ways to do it.

"Your definition of "child" and "adult" seem odd."

I concede the point. Maybe I would have thought differently if I hadn't just seen a temper tantrum, but my overwhelming impression was that it is an expression of pure selfishness. So, I am very comfortable with my definition of a child "Someone that thinks of themselves, before others". I think I nailed it. Therefore, the definition of an adult must be the polar opposite of the definition of a child, "Someone that thinks of others before themselves". Not comfortable with it. Doesn't seem like enough. Doesn't seem comprehensive. But when you remove age from the definition of adult, I think that is what is making it strange. Like you, I looked at assorted attributes we assign to adults to see how well they fit. You brought up taking responsibility. Well, if you take responsibility for yourself, you are relieving your caretakers of that responsibility so that is a thoughtful thing to do, an adult act. Taking responsibility for your own mistakes means you are not assigning blame to others, a thoughtful thing to do and thus an adult act. So, I am comfortable rolling taking responsibility into my definition of adult.

Other attributes we assign to adults I believe are age related and not related to maturity. I would lump these attributes under experience.
Knowledge, confidence, judgement, foresight, ability to see consequences of actions and mitigate those consequences, stuff like that there.

"Being an adult is not playing Perry White every waking moment."

You got me. But if the truth be told, I don't actually ask myself what Perry White would do. I don't know what Perry White would do. He was a secondary character in a comic book that never got any character development. So instead I ask myself, "What would the editor of a great metropolitan newspaper do". Instead of reading great works of literature, describing every conceivable aspect of the human condition, I am watching anime's on Crunchyroll and loving it. I am 64 and I have an anime doll collection. I have a cosplay outfit and attend every anime event within driving distance. How adult can I be?

The direction I was hoping this discussion would take was on how girls "accelerate" maturity in boys. Since I initially posted this topic, I have had thoughts on how it might actually work:

A long time ago, I watched the documentary, "The Human Animal", by Desmond Morris. It describes the simularites of human behavior with that of animals. Well worth the time to watch if the opportunity presents itself. One of the things discussed was a spooky phenomenon called "Emotional contagion" . When someone is talking to you and you are looking at their face, you take on the speakers emotions as your own. That is spooky enough, but you also start mimicking them. He demonstrated all this on secret video. So, just now, after watching this decades ago, I ask myself, "When this emotional contagion is happening and you are taking on the speakers emotions, do any of them stick?" . This made me recall an event that happened to me in my freshman year of college. I was carpooling with a girl at the time. I liked her but she was a sophomore and would never entertain the thought of dating an underclassman. Just the same, I wanted her to think highly of me in case a miracle happened. Then one day, we witnessed a cat being struck by a car and it was wriggling in agony. The girl was distraught, and by distraught, I mean DISTRAUGHT. And because she was distraught, I was distraught. We stopped, put the poor animal in a box and took it to an animal hospital. Now, if that happened and she wasn't there, I am fairly certain I would have thought something like 'Well, that cat is having a bad day." But because she was there, I had compassion and empathy directly injected into my soul. I matured in moments what would likely have taken years. So I am thinking that might be one of the ways that girls raise boys to their own levels of maturity.

So, I would like to clarify my premise. Wendy can either be a girlfriend, or a friend that happens to be a girl that you want to think highly of you. Girlfriend hours means face time hours as I don't think emotional contagion works over the phone. And I don't think the girl has to do anything other than be a girl. She doesn't have to make any effort to change you. Just by expressing her emotions to her boyfriend, she is uplifting him to her maturity level a little at a time.


qwueri 
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Posted 11/11/17 , edited 11/12/17

flashsmith wrote:

Thank you for taking the time to post a reply. You gave me a lot to think about.

I guess you had to be there. Please picture a mom in the grocery store with her kid in the shopping cart and she makes the blunder of wheeling past a shelf of toys. The kid wants a toy, the mom says no, and the store is filled with the noise of a wailing child. So, when someone behaves like that, there are no excuses, no explanations, no mitigating circumstances, they forfeit all claim to being an adult.

Everyone seems to find it too incredible for someone to make it to 80, having the maturity of a child in a shopping cart. I too was shocked, but because I was there, I don't have the luxury of denying it happened or that it is possible. I perceive this as being very similar to someone with a high school diploma that never learned how tor read. You are shocked to discover it, can't imagine how it could happen, yet you are confronted with an individual, holding a diploma, that can't read a word. I have worked with people like this, and they "Get by with a little help from their friends", asking co-workers to "explain" a document to them instead of just asking them to read it or asking for assistance on a task. So, they manage. Along the same lines, these brothers managed. You don't have to be mature to marry and have a family, you just need to marry an adult. You don't need to be mature to be in the military, you just need to do what you are told, when you are told to do it and take care not to call your superior officers dodo heads. When they left the military, and joined the private sector, they too could have gotten some help from their friends. You just have to team up with people that are adults and have them do the presentations to the boss or customers. I have done this myself. My aura does not project maturity, so when I started my own company and was looking for bank loans, it didn't go well. So I hired a CFO that exuded maturity and sent him to the banks to get the loans.

I would like to point out their chosen careers, scientists and engineers. If you want to pick two occupations where the employers are forgiving of some quirks, it would be these two occupations. Plus, if you are a star, a problem solver, a finisher, someone that gets things done, they will overlook almost anything. These brothers were stars. All have their names on numerous patents and two have made it into the history books. They may well have been geniuses so I think it likely that any immaturity issues were overlooked. So, to sum this up, it can happen and there are ways to do it.


I think there are points in people's lives where the usual structures of adult life break down. Times of great stress, grief, and/or fear tend to be triggers. I wouldn't take those moments as indicative in gauging a person's maturity, as having the presence of mind to think outside of oneself in those situations requires a level of experience in coping with that situation that may be unreasonable for an adult in a single lifetime.



"Your definition of "child" and "adult" seem odd."

I concede the point. Maybe I would have thought differently if I hadn't just seen a temper tantrum, but my overwhelming impression was that it is an expression of pure selfishness. So, I am very comfortable with my definition of a child "Someone that thinks of themselves, before others". I think I nailed it. Therefore, the definition of an adult must be the polar opposite of the definition of a child, "Someone that thinks of others before themselves". Not comfortable with it. Doesn't seem like enough. Doesn't seem comprehensive. But when you remove age from the definition of adult, I think that is what is making it strange. Like you, I looked at assorted attributes we assign to adults to see how well they fit. You brought up taking responsibility. Well, if you take responsibility for yourself, you are relieving your caretakers of that responsibility so that is a thoughtful thing to do, an adult act. Taking responsibility for your own mistakes means you are not assigning blame to others, a thoughtful thing to do and thus an adult act. So, I am comfortable rolling taking responsibility into my definition of adult.

Other attributes we assign to adults I believe are age related and not related to maturity. I would lump these attributes under experience.
Knowledge, confidence, judgement, foresight, ability to see consequences of actions and mitigate those consequences, stuff like that there.


Thinking of an adult as the polar opposite of a child indicates a disconnect between the two, I don't agree with that assessment. It's not just the realization that an action impacts others that measures adulthood, its the experience to either handle the solution yourself or know how to contract someone who can. Yet noone is sufficiently experienced to handle all situations in that manner, and may find themselves overloaded or out of their depth of knowledge. Children are more easily rendered into that state, but hit adults in the right blindspot and they wind themselves similarly helpless. Maturity isn't a binary property, it's the experience to handle and adapt to circumstances.




So, I would like to clarify my premise. Wendy can either be a girlfriend, or a friend that happens to be a girl that you want to think highly of you. Girlfriend hours means face time hours as I don't think emotional contagion works over the phone. And I don't think the girl has to do anything other than be a girl. She doesn't have to make any effort to change you. Just by expressing her emotions to her boyfriend, she is uplifting him to her maturity level a little at a time.



You're effectively describing empathy, which I don't agree is a product of time with a significant other. Yes, a person tends to benefit in learning and handling emotions by being around others. That doesn't have to be a girlfriend or even a lover. Taking the time to listen and understand another person does tend to help expand upon a person's experience. But given the varying levels in which a person is willing/able to empathize with any given person, I would be highly reluctant to attribute that as some kind of key to maturity.

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Posted 11/11/17 , edited 11/12/17

flashsmith wrote:

The direction I was hoping this discussion would take was on how girls "accelerate" maturity in boys. Since I initially posted this topic, I have had thoughts on how it might actually work:

A long time ago, I watched the documentary, "The Human Animal", by Desmond Morris. It describes the simularites of human behavior with that of animals. Well worth the time to watch if the opportunity presents itself. One of the things discussed was a spooky phenomenon called "Emotional contagion" . When someone is talking to you and you are looking at their face, you take on the speakers emotions as your own. That is spooky enough, but you also start mimicking them. He demonstrated all this on secret video. So, just now, after watching this decades ago, I ask myself, "When this emotional contagion is happening and you are taking on the speakers emotions, do any of them stick?" .



"Emotional contagion" doesn't exist, or at least not in the way that people imagine. As creatures, we try to understand the world around us at every turn. It is a necessary response for survival. One of the ways that this happens is association. When we see a person making a particular expression or sounding a particular way, it triggers memories of times we have seen or made similar expressions or sounded in a similar way, which triggers the emotions we experienced at that time. If we have not seen similar expressions or heard similar wavelengths, then it depends on whether we are aware of what is going on or not. If we are, then we try to imagine what being in a similar position would feel like, which may trigger emotions. If we are not, then we become curious about what is making the person act in the way they are. This sequence is the what "emotional contagion" really is. Humans and animals do not have the capability to pass thoughts or emotions to others. That is the realm of the fantasy psychic abilities mind control and empathy.
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Posted 11/14/17 , edited 11/15/17

qwueri wrote:


flashsmith wrote:

Thank you for taking the time to post a reply. You gave me a lot to think about.

I guess you had to be there. Please picture a mom in the grocery store with her kid in the shopping cart and she makes the blunder of wheeling past a shelf of toys. The kid wants a toy, the mom says no, and the store is filled with the noise of a wailing child. So, when someone behaves like that, there are no excuses, no explanations, no mitigating circumstances, they forfeit all claim to being an adult.

Everyone seems to find it too incredible for someone to make it to 80, having the maturity of a child in a shopping cart. I too was shocked, but because I was there, I don't have the luxury of denying it happened or that it is possible. I perceive this as being very similar to someone with a high school diploma that never learned how tor read. You are shocked to discover it, can't imagine how it could happen, yet you are confronted with an individual, holding a diploma, that can't read a word. I have worked with people like this, and they "Get by with a little help from their friends", asking co-workers to "explain" a document to them instead of just asking them to read it or asking for assistance on a task. So, they manage. Along the same lines, these brothers managed. You don't have to be mature to marry and have a family, you just need to marry an adult. You don't need to be mature to be in the military, you just need to do what you are told, when you are told to do it and take care not to call your superior officers dodo heads. When they left the military, and joined the private sector, they too could have gotten some help from their friends. You just have to team up with people that are adults and have them do the presentations to the boss or customers. I have done this myself. My aura does not project maturity, so when I started my own company and was looking for bank loans, it didn't go well. So I hired a CFO that exuded maturity and sent him to the banks to get the loans.

I would like to point out their chosen careers, scientists and engineers. If you want to pick two occupations where the employers are forgiving of some quirks, it would be these two occupations. Plus, if you are a star, a problem solver, a finisher, someone that gets things done, they will overlook almost anything. These brothers were stars. All have their names on numerous patents and two have made it into the history books. They may well have been geniuses so I think it likely that any immaturity issues were overlooked. So, to sum this up, it can happen and there are ways to do it.


I think there are points in people's lives where the usual structures of adult life break down. Times of great stress, grief, and/or fear tend to be triggers. I wouldn't take those moments as indicative in gauging a person's maturity, as having the presence of mind to think outside of oneself in those situations requires a level of experience in coping with that situation that may be unreasonable for an adult in a single lifetime.



"Your definition of "child" and "adult" seem odd."

I concede the point. Maybe I would have thought differently if I hadn't just seen a temper tantrum, but my overwhelming impression was that it is an expression of pure selfishness. So, I am very comfortable with my definition of a child "Someone that thinks of themselves, before others". I think I nailed it. Therefore, the definition of an adult must be the polar opposite of the definition of a child, "Someone that thinks of others before themselves". Not comfortable with it. Doesn't seem like enough. Doesn't seem comprehensive. But when you remove age from the definition of adult, I think that is what is making it strange. Like you, I looked at assorted attributes we assign to adults to see how well they fit. You brought up taking responsibility. Well, if you take responsibility for yourself, you are relieving your caretakers of that responsibility so that is a thoughtful thing to do, an adult act. Taking responsibility for your own mistakes means you are not assigning blame to others, a thoughtful thing to do and thus an adult act. So, I am comfortable rolling taking responsibility into my definition of adult.

Other attributes we assign to adults I believe are age related and not related to maturity. I would lump these attributes under experience.
Knowledge, confidence, judgement, foresight, ability to see consequences of actions and mitigate those consequences, stuff like that there.


Thinking of an adult as the polar opposite of a child indicates a disconnect between the two, I don't agree with that assessment. It's not just the realization that an action impacts others that measures adulthood, its the experience to either handle the solution yourself or know how to contract someone who can. Yet noone is sufficiently experienced to handle all situations in that manner, and may find themselves overloaded or out of their depth of knowledge. Children are more easily rendered into that state, but hit adults in the right blindspot and they wind themselves similarly helpless. Maturity isn't a binary property, it's the experience to handle and adapt to circumstances.




So, I would like to clarify my premise. Wendy can either be a girlfriend, or a friend that happens to be a girl that you want to think highly of you. Girlfriend hours means face time hours as I don't think emotional contagion works over the phone. And I don't think the girl has to do anything other than be a girl. She doesn't have to make any effort to change you. Just by expressing her emotions to her boyfriend, she is uplifting him to her maturity level a little at a time.



You're effectively describing empathy, which I don't agree is a product of time with a significant other. Yes, a person tends to benefit in learning and handling emotions by being around others. That doesn't have to be a girlfriend or even a lover. Taking the time to listen and understand another person does tend to help expand upon a person's experience. But given the varying levels in which a person is willing/able to empathize with any given person, I would be highly reluctant to attribute that as some kind of key to maturity.



Thank you yet again for taking the time to post a reply.

"Thinking of an adult as the polar opposite of a child indicates a disconnect between the two"

I don't think we are on the same page here. I consider my definitions to be the boundaries, the lower and upper limits, the book ends. An infant would be fully child. A saint would be fully adult. The rest of us are somewhere in-between. Mostly child, somewhat child, somewhat adult, mostly adult.

"I think there are points in people's lives where the usual structures of adult life break down."

I believe the brothers dropped their facades when they were alone together, because they were pointless. They know each other too well, and thus revealed their true nature. I find that I cannot let go of this. You seem equally convinced that it was a momentary lapse. I think the time has come, on this point, to agree to disagree.

""Emotional contagion" doesn't exist, or at least not in the way that people imagine. " "Humans and animals do not have the capability to pass thoughts or emotions to others. That is the realm of the fantasy psychic abilities mind control and empathy. "


Ok, now you've gone and made me look. I googled "Emotional Contagion". A couple million pages came up. I looked at a few dozens. The vast majority describe the science and the underlying biology that makes it happen. None of them describe it as fantasy, psychic abilities, or mind control. I did find one site, (I stopped looking when I found it) that discussed at length the difference between empathy and emotional contagion and the common confusion between the two, which I think is what you were saying. The web page is at https://empathicperspectives.wordpress.com/2009/04/15/emotional-contagion-vs-empathy-4/ . I found it very interesting. Gives a high level explanation of the various components of empathy. I did find an interesting section to the article:

"The Emotional Level

1. There are several definitions for Identification. Emotional identification is defined as a heightened form of emotional contagion in which the another person’s emotions are taken as one’s own. Empathic identification is defined as the process to predict people’s behavior by using faculty of empathy.

Identification is a process through which a person absorbs and incorporates facets of others, assimilating this information to produce their own identity. This happens consciously when a person perceives a correlation between someone else’s experiences and their own. However, unconscious dimensions of identification are far more important, influencing the development of our personalities and our interactions with others in subtle and powerful ways that lie beyond our conscious awareness. For example, I might identify with my mother, on an unconscious level, in her partiality to more intellectual/cerebral pursuits, rather than taking a decided interest in more athletic pursuits. This could result in a strong preference, on my part, for academic study over exercise, sports, and other athletic pursuits.
"


So, Emotional Identification, seems closer to what I was describing. Basically, the emotions "Stick"

So, a boy in puberty, with his sex drive in high gear, is desperate to become "Sponge Worthy' in the eyes of his girlfriend. Might not such a highly motivated person unconsciously adjust their personality, their identity, to meet the girls expectations, and if one of the girls expectations is that he be closer to her level of maturity, might the girl not uplift her boyfriend to her level of maturity?
qwueri 
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Posted 11/14/17 , edited 11/15/17

flashsmith wrote:

So, Emotional Identification, seems closer to what I was describing. Basically, the emotions "Stick"

So, a boy in puberty, with his sex drive in high gear, is desperate to become "Sponge Worthy' in the eyes of his girlfriend. Might not such a highly motivated person unconsciously adjust their personality, their identity, to meet the girls expectations, and if one of the girls expectations is that he be closer to her level of maturity, might the girl not uplift her boyfriend to her level of maturity?


For one, you're assuming the girl is more mature than the boy. For another, you're assuming a boy looking to "Sponge" automatically adjusts himself towards his girlfriend.

People mature as they grow in experience. Being in a relationship is certainly an avenue to gaining experience. However an intimate relationship is not the only motivator for someone to become self-sufficient and capable of caring for others.
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29 / M / St.Louis
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Posted 11/14/17 , edited 11/15/17
if all else fails then yolo
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22 / M / Iðavöllr
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Posted 11/15/17 , edited 11/15/17
People don't grow up, they just learn how to act in public.
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