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Post Reply How can I figure out why nobody likes me?
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20 / F / Germany
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
Admittedly, my social skills are not particularly developed, but I am also not the type of person who keeps silent all of the time. While it is true that I struggle to approach people, I am still capable of doing it. I feel like there must be other factors that lead people to not care about me. Then again, I do not really know what it takes for one person to start caring for another. What is necessary for that to happen? Do I need to possess extraordinary communication skills to make friends or is being average good enough? Perhaps I also need to note that I do not mind social gatherings, but I tend to avoid going to parties and other events where the music is so loud that it hurts my ears. Are most people into going to parties?
llunga 
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17

It seems like your biggest downfall might be having insecurities about yourself. If you constantly believe that everyone dislikes you. I'd say have more confidence in yourself. It's okay to be introverted and not attend parties. I like your personality Nal and I don't think you should have to change for anybody.
mxdan 
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
I'm not going to berate you and say that you shoudn't put so much care into being liked because of course people want to be liked. We are social creatures that need validation.

Some suggestions:

- Get away from social media. Social media has the potential to make people feel just how your feeling. The relationships are manufactured and unfulfilling.

- Create and foster quality relationships rather than a bunch of ones. If you have a close nit group of friends people will gravitate towards your group and it will open the door to new relationships. Just go out with them, care for them, and keep in touch with them. Make them feel valuable and they will do the same to you.

- These feelings your feeling about being invaluable leek out into the world. You may not think it but it's very likely people pick up on the fact that you feel this way and tend to be apprehensive. Find the things you love about yourself and build on them. With time you will feel more and more wholesome and happy and in turn people will pick up on your energy.

Obviously there isn't one way to be popular with people but the main thing I want to emphasize is to go out in the world and have fun. You don't have to document everything on social media for it to be valuable but if you do don't do it in order to seek complete validation. Do it because you want to keep up with the friends you have made.

Hope that helps a little!
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
If you find out let me know Nala because i just came to the conclusion people suck.
Your personality is fine and your are friendly don't change for others.

I know it's hard to accept that but that's how it is ^^


Also ILunga is SPOT ON.
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21 / F / The Cat Empire
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
I don't like parties either !


volunteer!


go places you like, like museums, parks, or libraries!


Don't hide in a shell if you want people to approach you.

small talk?
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17

official-shinsengumi wrote:

I don't like parties either !


volunteer!


go places you like, like museums, parks, or libraries!


Don't hide in a shell if you want people to approach you.

small talk?


Alot of people HATE small talk


Also just a second comment to add Nala you need to get out and meet people more maybe go to local meet ups or conventions if possible.
Make friends with common interests.
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22 / F / Dominican Republic
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
Not really.
But making friends is quite difficult. Sure, you can get along with people u just met but friendship comes when you hang out enough and both are comfortable with each other.

In my case I'm shy but also not so when I meet new people I normally wait for them to show me how they are like so if I like them I start making conversation. People I'm friends with are like me in a lot of ways. Normally I try to go out with people that are more outgoing than I am so that I can be more outgoing as well.

In your case id say you just haven't met the right people. Sometimes it takes a lot of time to make true friends. False friends are made within a minute so they don't last. There are different kinds of people in the world so you shouldn't think there aren't people who don't want to get to know you.

You'd be surprised by how many people hate or prefer other things than parties. I'm one of them.


btw: Hi!!!!
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21 / F / The Cat Empire
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17

Ryulightorb wrote:


official-shinsengumi wrote:

I don't like parties either !


volunteer!


go places you like, like museums, parks, or libraries!


Don't hide in a shell if you want people to approach you.

small talk?


Alot of people HATE small talk


Also just a second comment to add Nala you need to get out and meet people more maybe go to local meet ups or conventions if possible.
Make friends with common interests.


or maybe just talk about something? idk
mxdan 
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27 / M / A Husk.
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17

official-shinsengumi wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


official-shinsengumi wrote:

I don't like parties either !


volunteer!


go places you like, like museums, parks, or libraries!


Don't hide in a shell if you want people to approach you.

small talk?


Alot of people HATE small talk


Also just a second comment to add Nala you need to get out and meet people more maybe go to local meet ups or conventions if possible.
Make friends with common interests.


or maybe just talk about something? idk


As long as it doesn't involve politics >_>.
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28 / M
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
Like yourself, be yourself. Everything else will fall into place. But finding people with similar interests helps.
torc24 
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17 / M / North Carolina, USA
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
Volunteering is actually a really good suggestion. I work at an anime con and I made toooons of really good friends there. The majority of my friends who like anime come from working at Animazement. It's different than just going to the con, because you need to work with people to get something done so people will just talk to you, neither of you will need to approach the other because you're already given not only an excuse, but a duty to communicate with each other.
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
Well, with some exceptions, people just don't really care about anyone else. Once I became numb to that fact and accepted it, I stopped worrying about the fact that I don't really talk to anyone. Build an image, be organized and consistent, don't be clingy, and people will appreciate you as much as they can, for someone they don't really want to get to know otherwise. That's life.

The only real exception I can think of is family, which is another story.
Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17
It's because people are just jealous of how fucking amazing you are omg I hate you so much nalaniel grrrrrrrr how could you be so fucking perfect, give me your face.
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20 / F / Germany
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17

mittemeyer wrote:

Well, with some exceptions, people just don't really care about anyone else. Once I became numb to that fact and accepted it, I stopped worrying about the fact that I don't really talk to anyone. Build an image, be organized and consistent, don't be clingy, and people will appreciate you as much as they can, for someone they don't really want to get to know otherwise. That's life.

The only real exception I can think of is family, which is another story.


Why is family different in that sense?
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Posted 11/10/17 , edited 11/10/17

Nalaniel wrote:

Why is family different in that sense?


Well, I can only speak for myself. But my immediate family does care about me, and I care about them.

However, that only goes so far. My family doesn't concern itself with my interests, such as chess, or what I'm reading. I set my own schedule and goals. I do touch base with my parents about how I'm doing in school, but how to go about it is largely left up to me. When my parents have something on their mind, I listen to them, and largely keep my own thoughts to myself, unless asked. Even then, I take care to be diplomatic. When I'm at my parents' house, I do the dishes, go shopping with my mom, go to coffeehouses with my dad to listen to him talk, and don't complain even when my parents nag. That's the least I can do in return for their financial support. It's a human relationship.

Unless you're someone special, like a celebrity or unusually attractive, you probably go through life with only a few people who care about you. And even if you're special, there are probably only a few people you get to know really well. To these people, I don't pour my heart out. People don't want to be bothered with other people's problems. I try to be polite, generally, and supportive when it's called for. Still, I try to solve my own problems on my own
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