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37 / M / Staten Island, NY...
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Posted 11/18/17


So, I always took for granted how easy it was to date in the 21st century with online dating. I think it was actually easier in the early to mid 00s than it is today. I used to log on, and within a day or so, be able to set up a date. I probably should have tried to have been a bit more serious back then.

My early 30s were marked with a lot of tragedies, and my dating life suffered because of it and I just focused 130% of myself to my career in the past 5 years. I even ended up taking on teaching positions at two colleges at night, and had been on a community board (my second term recently ended), which filled in Saturday mornings.

Finding it near impossible to have a dating life in my mid to late 30s. I recently sent a letter to one of the colleges I teach at, stating that I will not be coming back in the Spring (I doubt they were happy, my classes were always closed out sections within minutes of being posted since I was the highest rated instructor in the department). That is going to free me up two nights a week during the week starting in 2-3 weeks for now.

So, at this late stage of the game... how the heck do I get back into the dating game? I think it is way past time I should be looking at settling down. I know I am going to have to lose some weight again. I was pretty lean and chiseled back in June, but around September, I got disgusted by my schedule and work stress and put about 15 or so lbs back on... making me an average 36 year old again.

What dating sites work these days? I noticed POF doesn't really let you do anything without paying, OKCupid seems to have started to significantly limit what free accounts can do, eHarmony keeps sending me ultra unrealistic matches (1-1.5 hrs away - glamorous ritzy city women). I am more or less laid back and outdoorsy and have a house in the mountains. I am definitely not going to get along with someone that is strongly embedded and established in city life.
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F / BuBbLeS!
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Posted 11/19/17
well there's the good ole fashion way of getting out there and mingle and ask, then there's match and eharmony dating sites they tend to be safe over all and you can get dates, there's also online dating for a bit and taking it into the real world and long distance relationships can work, just takes work itself.
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37 / M / Staten Island, NY...
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Posted 11/19/17

niotabunny wrote:

well there's the good ole fashion way of getting out there and mingle and ask, then there's match and eharmony dating sites they tend to be safe over all and you can get dates, there's also online dating for a bit and taking it into the real world and long distance relationships can work, just takes work itself.


Believe it or not, eHarmony is the site I've had the least luck with. I might reactivate Match again. I think part of my problem is I work a lot, and I am torn between two lives. I live 1/2 the week in NYC, and the other half of the week in Northeast PA. I don't want to give up the latter, but there really isn't much in terms of a population or a singles group around.

I decided to try making a Meetup.com group for this area for Anime, after three months, I got two members. I'll give it to new years, maybe a few weeks after new years, and switch the whole group to something totally different... either a NEPA singles group or a NEPA Motorcycle Meetup group. I haven't figured out what direction to go.

It also doesn't help that most of my social circle passed away through illness in tragedy in my early to mid 30s, leaving me with few traditional options besides trying to building a new social circle (which is hard as hell).

Vahvi 
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28 /❓/ ⚤ / In Flux
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Posted 12/19/17 , edited 12/19/17
Personally I didn't like Match's service.

Reasons...
- The subscription is roughly 50usd a month

- There's an activation fee.

- While you can recieve notifications, you cannot send or read messages received without an active subscription

- They have fake bot accounts just like any other service

- At least in my general location and neighboring cities almost nobody was using the service.

- And they charged me for 5 additional months on my credit card even after giving me an notification that my cancellation was successful and only refunded me the current month's membership when I tried to dispute it. Now it was my bad for deleting the verification email but apparently it isn't the first time they've done this to their members.

Mileage may vary but I didn't have a very good experience with it at all.
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17 / M
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Posted 3/16/18 , edited 3/23/18
Just be sure that you are safe there!! I personally like using different dating services like the one called Secret Benefits, for example. I have never had any issues with it at all but there are lots of scam things going on there... I realize how important it is to date safely there
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26 / F / Canada
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Posted 3/16/18 , edited 3/16/18
For your age group, the best free option is likely okcupid. They have switched up their platform though, now you have to go through matching on "double take" and only if you match can someone see your message to them. That or if they happen to stumble across your page.

I didn't like match, but that's from a woman's perspective. I'm not sure how it would be from a male's perspective but I didn't find anyone I'd even consider for a date.

If I were you I'd stick with okcupid and pof. If they don't work then maybe try match?
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27 / M / Leanbox, Gameindu...
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Posted 3/17/18
Personally, I have never had much luck with online dating, but I guess I'll recommend Coffee Meets Bagel. I have friends who have had zero luck on more popular sites like Match actually get dates on that one.
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16 / F / brockton
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Posted 3/23/18
This is crazy
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24 / F / NA
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Posted 3/25/18
I gave up on dating before I even started.
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27 / M / United States
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Posted 3/25/18

Dating sites are convenient, but they seldom work my dude. I'm 27 and I can already share in the "hard to find peer groups" thing. The thing is, people have become rather use to engaging with strangers in the 21st century thanks to technology. There's not as much need to politely talk to strangers you meet and make small talk because we have phones and we spend a lot more time already communicating with others more than we ever did before. So now that people are desensitized, unless you are a very attractive male or do a lot of cool things to put on a profile to make yourself look adventurous, you are not likely to be noticed.

And I may be wrong, just an assumption, but if you are into "staying in shape" than I find it likely you want a reasonably attractive partner that -matches what you believe your appearance warrants. Which at over 30 - slims down A LOT of the choices. Especially if you tack on "no kids" and a decent career.

So my first advice is: decide how important your criteria is for a partner. Do you want to find a partner or do you want to be alone? You are out of your prime and thus the prime time for partner selection. Let's not be naive here. My guess is you will likely need to loosen standards before you find success in dating.

My second bit of advice is be open to moving. If you are serious about finding a partner, put your career on the back burner and be willing to move somewhere new if that's what it takes. I'm not saying be rash about it, but give it some thought. I don't know why an outdoorsy person would live near NYC anyways.

Third and last. Mentally prepare yourself for being single the rest of your life. Not that im trying to be rude or trying to be a downer, but it is honestly more probable at your age that you end up alone than with someone you fall head over heels for ya know? It's better to be mentally prepared than spending 40-50 crushed because you were not mentally prepared for not passing on offspring or finding a partner in life.

Best of luck and well wishes though. Coffee shops are honestly the best place. Not starbucks. A real coffee shop.
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M / USA
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Posted 27 days ago , edited 27 days ago
A lot of the dating sites require you to pay these days. You have to weed out the fake accounts and spend extensive time searching through women’s profiles. If you continue the online dating route, ensure your profile stands out. You will be competing against plenty of other men. Women from my experience are usually attracted to profiles of someone who is fun, outgoing, a bit adventurous and doesn’t seem like the usual creep they encounter from time to time. Once you get a good formula of how it works, dating will be very easy. During the short time I used dating sites, most of the females I met were teachers, nurses, military, single mothers or police officers usually too busy on the job to do conventional methods of dating. The only downside was a few of them had low self-esteem issues.

The best route is to go out, find some friends who can be a wing men and just go places that have the type of women you desire. Avoid attempting to pick up women at clubs. Even if you get rejected a lot at first, don’t let that discourage you. Learn from those situations and eventually your success rate will improve. Be confident in yourself, and don’t take rejection as game over from the dating game.
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24 / F / NSW, Australia. o...
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Posted 12 days ago
Have you considered mobile dating apps like Tinder? If dating doesn't work out then at least you'll be making a lot of friends on the app because you can choose to filter by distance. At least what I heard from friends who uses it
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