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Post Reply How do people expect you to make friends IRL
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 12/27/17
Maybe its just where i live but i go out shopping to the mall and in the streets a lot and generally you can't talk to anyone even if you start up a conversation based on something they are doing because 99% of people won't talk to people that they don't know they will downright refuse to.

Which honestly i keep getting told by my family to make some irl friends but ...how am i expected to.

I hate pubs and will never goto one due to the noise level.
There are no clubs for interests in the areas or meetup groups on websites etc.
Im trying to find a job but no luck.

My only chances are to talk to people whilst at the mall or in the streets but as said people won't talk to strangers.

How am i expected to make friends if people don't want to talk just seems impossible and tiring in the end for no real gain.

Surely im doing something wrong because other people my age have a ton of friends irl then again most of them a friends of friends they made in school where i was a loner.
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26 / M
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Posted 12/27/17
I personally find friends you make online are much better friends to have than them in real life i can be myself much more with my online friends than i can with my RL friends. I have even met up with a friends i have made through xbox that I've spoken to for years.

Having tons of friends is overrated you only need one or two real friends in my experience most people think people you friend online ain't real friends but my online friends mean just as much to me as my RL friends.
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 12/27/17

Shanekovacs wrote:

I personally find friends you make online are much better friends to have than them in real life i can be myself much more with my online friends than i can with my RL friends. I have even met up with a friends i have made through xbox that I've spoken to for years.

Having tons of friends is overrated you only need one or two real friends in my experience most people think people you friend online ain't real friends but my online friends mean just as much to me as my RL friends.


Same which is why i have always just met up with friends online irl even though they live outside of my town it makes it possible.

I just don't get how people expect me to make friends in a small country town when people don't want to talk to strangers but i agree with you one or two is amazing
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40 / M / NJ
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Posted 12/27/17
Meetups are a good way. Look for local meetups online with people who share hobbies you have and take it from there.
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 12/27/17

Potaku wrote:

Meetups are a good way. Look for local meetups online with people who share hobbies you have and take it from there.


None in my area first thing i checked for
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40 / M / NJ
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Posted 12/27/17

Ryulightorb wrote:


Potaku wrote:

Meetups are a good way. Look for local meetups online with people who share hobbies you have and take it from there.


None in my area first thing i checked for


Start one!



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100 / M / Cold side of the...
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Posted 12/27/17
You can chat with old people who are dying from loneliness. Do some volunteer work.
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38 / M / Padova, Italy
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Posted 12/27/17 , edited 12/27/17
Honestly I don't know.

Being around people who share your interests is a good start, because you can have conversations more easily. But does that lead to friendship? Not that often. More studies are finding that friends have similar DNA (google it!) which means that you need to interact with a lot of people, or be lucky, to find the ones you click with.

If that interest is anime, that means going to anime-themed clubs or meetups (if anything remotely like that exists in your area), movie theaters on anime nights, conventions, comic book / manga shops, Japanese classes... But don't discount other hobbies. Have you tried martial arts, or any other physical activity you might like? Chances are, other people who like the same thing might be looking for friends too.

As you can tell from my profile, I have seen many moons, but I can count the people I call friends, who I still see regularly, on one hand. Most of them I met during high school. Western high schools might be very different from Japanese ones (sigh!) but there is something to be said about that time of your life (including the early 20s) being crucial to making connections. Also, being confined in a close space with strangers raises the chance of bumping into people you click with—­as well as a bunch of others you really can't stand, which raises stress levels through the roof, as we all know. College is good for that reason too, if you can afford it, as well as a workplace with a lot of young, like-minded people, if you are lucky or smart enough to find one.

Alongside all that, my advice is to be open to friendship, meaning to be willing to actually talk to and spend time with others, whenever the chance comes up.

I wouldn't discount online friends either. Sometimes you make friends with someone online and then discover they live in your town, so you meet up and start chatting in person. It's happened to me, that's how I met one of those few friends I mentioned above, that I still see regularly after 20 years. I was around your age and we were chatting on a manga-themed newsgroup (an old internet thing much like a forum) when one of us mentioned our town. As soon as we met in person, we couldn't stop talking about all sorts of things. That's how you know you just made a friend.
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 12/27/17

Potaku wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


Potaku wrote:

Meetups are a good way. Look for local meetups online with people who share hobbies you have and take it from there.


None in my area first thing i checked for


Start one!





true i might try that if i can find somewhere online that accepts my local town as our reddit is dead
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 12/27/17

whatfireflies wrote:

Honestly I don't know.

Being around people who share your interests is a good start, because you can have conversations more easily. But does that lead to friendship? Not that often. More studies are finding that friends have similar DNA (google it!) which means that you need to interact with a lot of people, or be lucky, to find the ones you click with.

If that interest is anime, that means going to anime-themed clubs or meetups (if anything remotely like that exists in your area), movie theaters on anime nights, conventions, comic book / manga shops, Japanese classes... But don't discount other hobbies. Have you tried martial arts, or any other physical activity you might like? Chances are, other people who like the same thing might be looking for friends too.

As you can tell from my profile, I have seen many moons, but I can count the people I call friends, who I still see regularly, on one hand. Most of them I met during high school. Western high schools might be very different from Japanese ones (sigh!) but there is something to be said about that time of your life (including the early 20s) being crucial to making connections. Also, being confined in a close space with strangers raises the chance of bumping into people you click with—­as well as a bunch of others you really can't stand, which raises stress levels through the roof, as we all know. College is good for that reason too, if you can afford it, as well as a workplace with a lot of young, like-minded people, if you are lucky or smart enough to find one.

Alongside all that, my advice is to be open to friendship, meaning to be willing to actually talk to and spend time with others, whenever the chance comes up.

I wouldn't discount online friends either. Sometimes you make friends with someone online and then discover they live in your town, so you meet up and start chatting in person. It's happened to me, that's how I met one of those few friends I mentioned above, that I still see regularly after 20 years. I was around your age and we were chatting on a manga-themed newsgroup (an old internet thing much like a forum) when one of us mentioned our town. As soon as we met in person, we couldn't stop talking about all sorts of things. That's how you know you just made a friend.



I only have two hobbies Computers and Anime i have tried Karate and martial arts and so many hobbies im picky sadly i live in a town where everyone is mostly old fashioned so its rare to find someone with the same hobbies.

I will try to make friends definitaley when ieventually goto university since that is a good place but thanks!
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 12/27/17

Guccini wrote:

You can chat with old people who are dying from loneliness. Do some volunteer work.


Might try that but i generally don't get on with old people but anything works i guess
Vahvi 
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27 /❓/ ⚤ / In Flux
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Posted 12/27/17 , edited 12/27/17
Just magically uproot yourself to florida, the people there are very social. Everytime I go to tampa and its outlying counties people go out of their way to talk to me on a daily basis.

I love it, such a welcoming place.
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100 / M / Cold side of the...
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Posted 12/27/17
I'm a bit old fashioned. I find it harder to click with people I can't sit for hours playing old fashioned games with or just watching something on TV. Where we don't have to talk too much.
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22 / AH / Shipyard
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Posted 12/27/17 , edited 12/27/17
Generally you need some common setting like work or school to have conversations that aren't awkward. Otherwise, they won't see a reason for you to talk to them and you will come off as weird. Try joining a few of the Discord groups other Crunchyroll people frequent.
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F / BuBbLeS!
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Posted 12/27/17
I typically find friends over rated to be honest, don't listen to your parents on this, sadly they don't know everything, if you don't want friends don't get them. if you want to find them there's school (if you still attend) or finding close location people on a social media site or something. I have only a few friends and that's plenty, I prefer true friends not fair weather friends. other places you could try is the store, I force a conversation all the time or basically jump into one. I accepted my social awkwardness long ago so it bothers me none whatsoever. people are either going to talk to you or they aren't, it's not that big of a deal. I'm not alone, I have associates that I can call upon and get something done if need be, but otherwise I'm good to go. know and trust yourself before venturing out into the friend department in my opinion.
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