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I feel extremely lonely.
Posted 1/30/18 , edited 1/30/18
i don't use the forums much anymore. I probably shouldn't even be posting this. Maybe it's a cry for help of some kind. I'll probably regret it. I've been depressed these last 2 years. I developed Ocd overtime. I made a friend in 2016 and really enjoyed her company for a while but eventually she abandoned me and I was left feeling worse. I still had the group of friends I liked to hang out with online but eventually I didn't feel like I should be with them anymore. Didn't feel very cared about. Nobody from the group ever approached me personally for conversation either. After I left I didn't miss them very much. I'd met somebody new. Somebody I grew very attached to and love dearly. That went on for 9 months and it was wonderful but I was still horribly depressed. I became suicidal. I wanted very much to die and tried to several times. Eventually all the pressure and pain boiled over and I went crazy, I yelled at my friend, cussed her out, was so mean to her. I was just frustrated. I'd always been so loving to her, how could I do that to her? I still feel awful about it to this day. After that she left me and rightfully so. I still don't know if things will ever be the same between her and I. I sent her a friend request and she accepted but we still haven't spoken and that was nearly a month ago. I don't know that I've ever been so alone before. It hurts. I was feeling better for a while i really was. This year was turning out great but I'm still hurting. I'm disabled as well. Who knows when I'll be able to get a job or when I'll even be able to feel normal again. Could be weeks, months, years. I'm scared. I've tried to reach out to people but I don't have the willpower to form new friendships with anyone. I don't know what to do. I'm horrified to make new friends too because in the end I always get my heart broken.
Please pray for me.
Posted 1/30/18 , edited 1/30/18
I've learned for most their only alone if they choose to be . I hope things start to look up .
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Posted 1/30/18 , edited 1/30/18
first, https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ I would also suggest getting some therapy help. you're going to be trapped with being alone if you don't fix yourself and feel more positive about yourself. it isn't an over night fix, but it can happen if you want it to and you get the proper treatments. also, friends come and go, this is life, there's nothing you can do about it. very rarely do friends stay forever, if anyone ever has such a friend you are truly blessed beyond the richest person alive. so, either it being natural or death, folks are going to leave us. so, until you overcome your own short comings and climb out of the said rut you're in, then you're never going to have a long lasting relationship, well maybe not never, but only a few people can tolerate self hatred for so long until they grow tired of it and move onto something more worth while, an upbeat, or someone who is kinder to themselves.
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Posted 1/30/18 , edited 1/31/18
In order to make any steps towards a positive outcome, you have to find your resolve, overcome any personal roadblocks you face, and learn to be confident in yourself. I believe you were the first person I added as a friend under your former account. Depression is hard to combat, therapy works sometimes if you have a compassionate therapist that is willing to listen and create a plan of action to help you. That is one way to start battling your depression. Another option is creating a personal mission statement. Create short term, long term goals and objectives. Determine your strengths and weaknesses and formulate a plan of action to fix and understand any shortcomings. That is good starting point in building yourself up, learning to love yourself, and gaining confidence. There are many other ways to fight depression, you just have to find which option best fits for you.

One thing I would suggest is evaluating yourself and see if your actions could potentially cause your friends to distance themselves from around you. Around your age, I kinda went through the same situation as you. I was always on edge, all the pressure and pain boiled up causing me to yell, cuss and be mean to people. Eventually people got tired of me being cold hearted, negative, morbid and depressed all the time. One by one, my friends vanished and didn't want anything to do with me. I lost many good relationships with people because of this. I don't know if your situation is similar to mines but it's just a thought. If your situation is not similar to mines, you can disregard this part as I don't really know you that well to make that determination. I wouldn't give up in forming new friendships. You don't need to open your heart up immediately to people, and shouldn't allow any individual or group to cause any more depression in your life. Most of the time, they move happily along without a care, while depression kicks in on your end. If they don't care to be your friend, why should you? Use that time and energy to focus on other things. It's not worth it.

People come and go for various reasons, such as finding a boyfriend or girlfriend, going to a new school or college, new friends, new job, family issues, etc... or potentially could be because of you. I've learned to expect that many of my friends will eventually vanish for various reasons. I enjoy the good times we shared and hope they return but if not I move on. If they do come back, we catch up. Unless they did something wrong, the friendship never ended, it just picks up where it left off. The benefit of continuously looking for friends is that you can weed out many of them and actually find one friend or group of friends that are amazing.

I don't want to make this a long winded wall of text, so I will let you know what worked for me. Once I lost the majority of my friends. One female yelled at me and told me this, “Have you ever wondered why people leave you and don't want to associate with you? You let off a lot of negative energy which is toxic for any friendship or relationship. You always blame others for leaving you but have you ever evaluated yourself?” It took me a very long time to understand that I was part of the problem. I created a mission statement of my strengths, weaknesses, short term and long term goals. I started accomplishing the plans that I had in place for myself and started feeling better about myself. I didn't have many hobbies at the time, and was interested in cars and modding them so I joined a car forum. It was very cliquish, but I managed to weed out many of those people and made many new friends that I hung out with every weekend. From there, I persued advancing my education and finding a better job. Now everything is great. I am confident in myself and with my imperfections. Present day, I can easily make friends and enjoying this short lived life. I hope that things turn out for the best dude. Feel free to PM me anytime.
Posted 1/30/18 , edited 1/31/18
Hey zav you probs don't remember me but we used to talk a year or so ago, hit me up whenever you want yeah o:
Posted 1/30/18 , edited 1/31/18
See your not alone and there people that care .
Posted 1/30/18 , edited 1/30/18
Praying for you. May God protect you and keep you safe from harm. May he open doors for you and help you succeed. AMEN!
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Posted 1/31/18 , edited 1/31/18

You worry too much for the wrong reasons.

Life is too short, work on yourself, then the rest will eventually fall into place.

There isn't a logical solution to your problem, so why go into detail about them.

Understand you have to be committed to yourself.

If you were to be 25 years old and to come back to this exact post, you would realize how stupid you were for saying these things.

And if you still feel the same 5 years from now. Well, best of luck.

I don't pity you, but I wish for you to keep your head up when things get dark, because I am happy to be alive, no matter how many friends I have.

People come and go, but you can't leave yourself alone. You can't see your life as something to throw away, and in time you need to realize that. A friend doesn't need to tell you that, only a voice of reason.

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Posted 1/31/18 , edited 1/31/18
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Posted 1/31/18 , edited 1/31/18
God chose this. Jesus chose this. Satan chose this. .............Just kidding, man I really admire you posting this. It seems you actually think WE could make things better. Maybe. Just respond to the replies and mine and see what happens.
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Posted 2/9/18 , edited 2/10/18
Hi. I'm not active on the forum at all, but today I felt like trying to socialize, or at least like reading some forum posts so I feel a little less isolated.

I relate to some of what you've posted. I have disabilities (including depression) and am socially awkward, and I endured months of bullying at my workplace that ultimately I could do nothing about because gossip is poison. I have a support network so right now I'm planning my next steps regarding employment difficulties and other things.

If you're not already seeking professional help, I strongly encourage it. A good psychologist will help you work through your old hurts.

Do you have family you can rely upon for emotional support? It helps to have somebody in your corner when dealing with appointment-keeping and personal care---I know from experience.

Best wishes.
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Posted 2/9/18 , edited 2/10/18
I feel lonly af too man or am I just think too much.
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Posted 2/9/18 , edited 2/10/18
This is why drugs and alcohol were invented
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24 / M / US
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Posted 2/9/18 , edited 2/10/18
Welcome to the club.. That’s why we have anime to escape the everyday shit life
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Posted 2/10/18 , edited 2/10/18
Awh that sucks man.
You can always hit me up if you want a friend or if you just wanna talk even though we don't know eachother.
I'm not religious but I'll pray for you and keep you in my thoughts
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