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26 / M / Within the remnan...
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Posted 2/19/08
for my first entry i will write about something dear to me. You guys don't have to write about anythign related to this... this is just a way to help the emotional pressure relieve itself.

Let me tell you a story about a man. He is a little man, that is surrounded by warmth and happiness. Many people stand by him, and sucess always seems to follow him. He has lead a quiant life with little regrets. He has fathered two children and has recieved six grandchildren in return. He is that guy that you admire and go to for adivce. He was wise beyond his years, and always said what you needed to here. He is that guy that I aspire to be. A strong man with no faults, almost invincible, but yet he was felled by cancer. Now he lies in his finest armor waiting to die, each second with more pain filling his fragile body. Once a strong man, now weak and sad. This man is my grandfather, this man is my friend, this man is my hero. He is to die by the end of the week, and now I regret not knowing him better. I feel depressed because he dies well I watch, and there is nothing that I can do. The room around him grows heavy and the each heart within that room fills with sadness. There are so many people in that room, another testiment to his great life. So sad that he must leave this world with so many people left caring for him. I will miss my gradfather, but I am glad that I knew him, and I will say good bye even though it will be hard.
Posted 2/20/08

SavageFang wrote:

for my first entry i will write about something dear to me. You guys don't have to write about anythign related to this... this is just a way to help the emotional pressure relieve itself.

Let me tell you a story about a man. He is a little man, that is surrounded by warmth and happiness. Many people stand by him, and sucess always seems to follow him. He has lead a quiant life with little regrets. He has fathered two children and has recieved six grandchildren in return. He is that guy that you admire and go to for adivce. He was wise beyond his years, and always said what you needed to here. He is that guy that I aspire to be. A strong man with no faults, almost invincible, but yet he was felled by cancer. Now he lies in his finest armor waiting to die, each second with more pain filling his fragile body. Once a strong man, now weak and sad. This man is my grandfather, this man is my friend, this man is my hero. He is to die by the end of the week, and now I regret not knowing him better. I feel depressed because he dies well I watch, and there is nothing that I can do. The room around him grows heavy and the each heart within that room fills with sadness. There are so many people in that room, another testiment to his great life. So sad that he must leave this world with so many people left caring for him. I will miss my gradfather, but I am glad that I knew him, and I will say good bye even though it will be hard.


yeah such a niice story so i think i'm gonna talk about my grandpa too LOL
i see him every fortnight (2week) but i didn't really know him
he used to tell me stories when i was kid i used to be happy sitting near him
now that i grow up , i didn't like to go there anymore but i had to
or my parents will get mad at me , and when i go ...
i sleep until they woke me up to say we are going back
yeah dunno what happen maybe i changed or they did
and last week my mum asked me to go visit him cuz he was so damn sick
i just sit there watching him lying in his bed
he couldn't even sit or talk all what he did was turning his eyes left and right
they asked me to see if his Pressure was hight or low (i have a Pressure gauge that i use alot)
it was normal so i said maybe he's just tired
i went home in the morning after i came back from school i asked mum if she talked to them on the phone
cuz i wanted to know if he feels better , what i heard was "" your grandpa died "" i was shocked
but i didn't cry , it didn't hurt not at all , it's like if he's not my granpa
i scared myself am i really that cold hearted then ? i couldn't unswer myself
i wanted to pretend that i'm crying too but i couldn't i don't feel anything i became numb again
so all what i did was watching my siblings crying the whole family was Sad
and i ..... ....... dunno
they hated me for that , yeah my atittude sucks
sorry i talked too much i just saw how many lines i wrote
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26 / M / Within the remnan...
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Posted 2/20/08
no it's fine, i sad at the begining, write something big or small. i'm glad you chose to share, a sad coincidence that both are grandfathers just past away, mine died around 8:00 pm last night... i didn't feel sad because i knew his death was inevidedable, this saturday is his funeral, and i'm going to carry his coffin... mybe i might cry then.
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Posted 2/20/08

hibaaaa wrote:


SavageFang wrote:

for my first entry i will write about something dear to me. You guys don't have to write about anythign related to this... this is just a way to help the emotional pressure relieve itself.

Let me tell you a story about a man. He is a little man, that is surrounded by warmth and happiness. Many people stand by him, and sucess always seems to follow him. He has lead a quiant life with little regrets. He has fathered two children and has recieved six grandchildren in return. He is that guy that you admire and go to for adivce. He was wise beyond his years, and always said what you needed to here. He is that guy that I aspire to be. A strong man with no faults, almost invincible, but yet he was felled by cancer. Now he lies in his finest armor waiting to die, each second with more pain filling his fragile body. Once a strong man, now weak and sad. This man is my grandfather, this man is my friend, this man is my hero. He is to die by the end of the week, and now I regret not knowing him better. I feel depressed because he dies well I watch, and there is nothing that I can do. The room around him grows heavy and the each heart within that room fills with sadness. There are so many people in that room, another testiment to his great life. So sad that he must leave this world with so many people left caring for him. I will miss my gradfather, but I am glad that I knew him, and I will say good bye even though it will be hard.


yeah such a niice story so i think i'm gonna talk about my grandpa too LOL
i see him every fortnight (2week) but i didn't really know him
he used to tell me stories when i was kid i used to be happy sitting near him
now that i grow up , i didn't like to go there anymore but i had to
or my parents will get mad at me , and when i go ...
i sleep until they woke me up to say we are going back
yeah dunno what happen maybe i changed or they did
and last week my mum asked me to go visit him cuz he was so damn sick
i just sit there watching him lying in his bed
he couldn't even sit or talk all what he did was turning his eyes left and right
they asked me to see if his Pressure was hight or low (i have a Pressure gauge that i use alot)
it was normal so i said maybe he's just tired
i went home in the morning after i came back from school i asked mum if she talked to them on the phone
cuz i wanted to know if he feels better , what i heard was "" your grandpa died "" i was shocked
but i didn't cry , it didn't hurt not at all , it's like if he's not my granpa
i scared myself am i really that cold hearted then ? i couldn't unswer myself
i wanted to pretend that i'm crying too but i couldn't i don't feel anything i became numb again
so all what i did was watching my siblings crying the whole family was Sad
and i ..... ....... dunno
they hated me for that , yeah my atittude sucks
sorry i talked too much i just saw how many lines i wrote


I cinda had the same prob, but my granpa didnt die..
I just walked up the stairs and saw my parents sitting in the living room, kinda depressed so i asked what was wrong and tha said that my grandpa was in the hospital uncountious.. the bloodveins 2 his brain was blocked. When they told me i didnt feel nothing either, and it showed, cuz after they kept saying "how can u be so emotionless", "u have changed", "ur grandpa is hospitalized!"...

After a while he got out of the hospital but his ability 2 speek was slightly damaged...
this was quite a while a go but i still cant say i have any special feelings or thoughts about it..
Posted 2/20/08

Alquin wrote:


hibaaaa wrote:
yeah such a niice story so i think i'm gonna talk about my grandpa too LOL
i see him every fortnight (2week) but i didn't really know him
he used to tell me stories when i was kid i used to be happy sitting near him
now that i grow up , i didn't like to go there anymore but i had to
or my parents will get mad at me , and when i go ...
i sleep until they woke me up to say we are going back
yeah dunno what happen maybe i changed or they did
and last week my mum asked me to go visit him cuz he was so damn sick
i just sit there watching him lying in his bed
he couldn't even sit or talk all what he did was turning his eyes left and right
they asked me to see if his Pressure was hight or low (i have a Pressure gauge that i use alot)
it was normal so i said maybe he's just tired
i went home in the morning after i came back from school i asked mum if she talked to them on the phone
cuz i wanted to know if he feels better , what i heard was "" your grandpa died "" i was shocked
but i didn't cry , it didn't hurt not at all , it's like if he's not my granpa
i scared myself am i really that cold hearted then ? i couldn't unswer myself
i wanted to pretend that i'm crying too but i couldn't i don't feel anything i became numb again
so all what i did was watching my siblings crying the whole family was Sad
and i ..... ....... dunno
they hated me for that , yeah my atittude sucks
sorry i talked too much i just saw how many lines i wrote


I cinda had the same prob, but my granpa didnt die..
I just walked up the stairs and saw my parents sitting in the living room, kinda depressed so i asked what was wrong and tha said that my grandpa was in the hospital uncountious.. the bloodveins 2 his brain was blocked. When they told me i didnt feel nothing either, and it showed, cuz after they kept saying "how can u be so emotionless", "u have changed", "ur grandpa is hospitalized!"...

After a while he got out of the hospital but his ability 2 speek was slightly damaged...
this was quite a while a go but i still cant say i have any special feelings or thoughts about it..


you really do understand me Alquin
what i keep asking myself is are we really bad by behaving this way
it's not like we like it but i really didn't feel a thing
they keeps yelling at me and blaming me for something i can do nothing about it
they want me to cry when i'm not sad
but when i need to cry they don't care
such a life is not suitable for us
i think we need another world to live in

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25 / M
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Posted 2/20/08

hibaaaa wrote:


Alquin wrote:


hibaaaa wrote:
yeah such a niice story so i think i'm gonna talk about my grandpa too LOL
i see him every fortnight (2week) but i didn't really know him
he used to tell me stories when i was kid i used to be happy sitting near him
now that i grow up , i didn't like to go there anymore but i had to
or my parents will get mad at me , and when i go ...
i sleep until they woke me up to say we are going back
yeah dunno what happen maybe i changed or they did
and last week my mum asked me to go visit him cuz he was so damn sick
i just sit there watching him lying in his bed
he couldn't even sit or talk all what he did was turning his eyes left and right
they asked me to see if his Pressure was hight or low (i have a Pressure gauge that i use alot)
it was normal so i said maybe he's just tired
i went home in the morning after i came back from school i asked mum if she talked to them on the phone
cuz i wanted to know if he feels better , what i heard was "" your grandpa died "" i was shocked
but i didn't cry , it didn't hurt not at all , it's like if he's not my granpa
i scared myself am i really that cold hearted then ? i couldn't unswer myself
i wanted to pretend that i'm crying too but i couldn't i don't feel anything i became numb again
so all what i did was watching my siblings crying the whole family was Sad
and i ..... ....... dunno
they hated me for that , yeah my atittude sucks
sorry i talked too much i just saw how many lines i wrote


I cinda had the same prob, but my granpa didnt die..
I just walked up the stairs and saw my parents sitting in the living room, kinda depressed so i asked what was wrong and tha said that my grandpa was in the hospital uncountious.. the bloodveins 2 his brain was blocked. When they told me i didnt feel nothing either, and it showed, cuz after they kept saying "how can u be so emotionless", "u have changed", "ur grandpa is hospitalized!"...

After a while he got out of the hospital but his ability 2 speek was slightly damaged...
this was quite a while a go but i still cant say i have any special feelings or thoughts about it..


you really do understand me Alquin
what i keep asking myself is are we really bad by behaving this way
it's not like we like it but i really didn't feel a thing
they keeps yelling at me and blaming me for something i can do nothing about it
they want me to cry when i'm not sad
but when i need to cry they don't care
such a life is not suitable for us
i think we need another world to live in



i only know one other world 2 live in, and i dont want 2 go there yet..
Posted 2/20/08

Alquin wrote:

i only know one other world 2 live in, and i dont want 2 go there yet..


hell no , me neither i don't want to go to that world too
i want a world without parents and horrible families ....
something not real like my imagination
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Posted 2/20/08

hibaaaa wrote:


Alquin wrote:

i only know one other world 2 live in, and i dont want 2 go there yet..


hell no , me neither i don't want to go to that world too
i want a world without parents and horrible families ....
something not real like my imagination


well if id been been living in my imagination i dont really think things would be much better.. i think id been scared 2 leave my room
Posted 2/20/08

Alquin wrote:


hibaaaa wrote:


Alquin wrote:

i only know one other world 2 live in, and i dont want 2 go there yet..


hell no , me neither i don't want to go to that world too
i want a world without parents and horrible families ....
something not real like my imagination


well if id been been living in my imagination i dont really think things would be much better.. i think id been scared 2 leave my room


oh really , i think my imagination is so sweet and romantic
you can also say it has the perfect life , i dream of
but sometimes yeah it can be sooooo dark you can't even see your own hand
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Posted 2/22/08
days ago my grandfather passed. i haven't cried, it's like saying gooodbye to a friend. i have had to do that so many times that it no longer has it's sting. but i feel guilty because this is somehow larger in scale than saying goodbye, it's saying farwell... forever. tonight is the last time i will see him, tomorrow i carry his coffin and that will truly be the end. but even though that may be i still don't shed a tear, or even a second thought, life goes on, but to me that sounds far to cruel, he was a great man and a person i looked up to, but i am willing to let him go without thought, i;m a terrible person...
Posted 2/24/08
i think i'm the most terrible person in here :s
i know i'm cruel but i can't help it
the people around me are the ones who made me like that
so i can't really blame just myself for being that cold
they didn't show me any warmth either
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Posted 2/25/08
What would a world without meaning or purpose look like? Maybe it would be a world of pointless wars and senseless conflict, maybe a world without hope, maybe even a world of shattered dreams and broken people. So does our world have meaning, or does it lack a purpose to strive for? Well my purpose in life thus far is to search for a purpose, but thus far I have been unsuccessful in doing so, but well looking for one I have been successful, it’s a foolish paradox but true, none the less. By searching but not finding, I complete my purpose, because if I were to find something I would fail. Rather ironic and cruel. But lucky for me a purpose in life is unlikely to be found, unless it is a quest meant for a fool. I remember reading something in a book once; it was a nice little quote. It said: “An immature man wants to die nobly, while a mature man wants to live humbly.” Not much meaning in that at face value, but I will explain. What society has deemed mature is something that holds a lot of knowledge and experience. In this case the knowledge is it is better to live than die, if death can be avoided. So by living, man gains more knowledge and becomes mature, but dies without dying for a cause, no purpose there. Now the immature man dies nobly, so one would assume that he would sacrifice himself to save others, he dies with the purpose to prolong their lives, but they have to eventually die and then his purpose becomes diminished and pointless yet again. Both of these scenarios have one common thing among them, death. So death is the one thing that defeated mans purpose, but does life not do the same? Well done for today, maybe I’ll type more tomorrow, I’m sorry this is deeply confusing I know.
Posted 3/5/08

SavageFang wrote:

What would a world without meaning or purpose look like? Maybe it would be a world of pointless wars and senseless conflict, maybe a world without hope, maybe even a world of shattered dreams and broken people. So does our world have meaning, or does it lack a purpose to strive for? Well my purpose in life thus far is to search for a purpose, but thus far I have been unsuccessful in doing so, but well looking for one I have been successful, it’s a foolish paradox but true, none the less. By searching but not finding, I complete my purpose, because if I were to find something I would fail. Rather ironic and cruel. But lucky for me a purpose in life is unlikely to be found, unless it is a quest meant for a fool. I remember reading something in a book once; it was a nice little quote. It said: “An immature man wants to die nobly, while a mature man wants to live humbly.” Not much meaning in that at face value, but I will explain. What society has deemed mature is something that holds a lot of knowledge and experience. In this case the knowledge is it is better to live than die, if death can be avoided. So by living, man gains more knowledge and becomes mature, but dies without dying for a cause, no purpose there. Now the immature man dies nobly, so one would assume that he would sacrifice himself to save others, he dies with the purpose to prolong their lives, but they have to eventually die and then his purpose becomes diminished and pointless yet again. Both of these scenarios have one common thing among them, death. So death is the one thing that defeated mans purpose, but does life not do the same? Well done for today, maybe I’ll type more tomorrow, I’m sorry this is deeply confusing I know.


confusing ??!! maybe, who knows
i think you explain it very well
OOOh purpose !! goals !! i'm still not sure i have these things
why i'm living then ?? who knows maybe waiting for something
yeah why not this can be my goal
to wait and wait and wait until i find the thing i'm searching for
or just die because i became old so i can't achieve my dream anymore
but at least i will know that i was a person
who has experience, knowledge, ...........
who cares about what people think i was or the reason of my death
because in the end i lived my life and not them
but for now i think i'm still alive LOL
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Posted 3/5/08
think your still alive? funny, it either you know or your not. because any doubt and your life becomes faultered and you no longer know if your alive or not and then you realize your not. it better to think positive and live a lie, then know the truth and still live. confused again. o well.
Posted 3/11/08

SavageFang wrote:

think your still alive? funny, it either you know or your not. because any doubt and your life becomes faultered and you no longer know if your alive or not and then you realize your not. it better to think positive and live a lie, then know the truth and still live. confused again. o well.


no i'm not really with you in this
i'd better live a harsh life and it's true
than live a lie , because i don't even count this one as a life
yeah i know it's kinda stupid
but i'd rather feel a true pain than a fake happiness
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