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Staring (in general)
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23 / M / Australia
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Posted 7/20/10
I get stared at, and it is really annoying because it makes me feel like I am weird or something >.> Then I end up in a staring contest until (usually) 5 seconds later they look away. Sometimes it takes longer. I have only found that two groups stare at me, white men in their 40s or something (I mean, what the hell o_0) or youngish asians. If u are going to stare, at least put on a weak smile, I mean imagine someone with a blank face staring at you -_-
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Posted 7/23/10
usually, when i see someone noticeable (whatever conditions she/he has) i dont tend to stare because i dont want to intimidate the person...i really dont like staring..nor being stared at..
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52 / F / Atlanta GA
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Posted 7/24/10
At one point hell from 14 or so Up until my thirties I would stare people down to move them out off my way and men they would not mover walked straight on into them most the time smashing shoulders. If they said something to me i would be reaching for what ever I had on me. They might call me a name but most realized I was not playing around. The effects of Post-traumatic stress disorder I have been dealing with most my life I have lived on the edge most my life and my people describe me as a deer in head light that was also that wanted to kill. It a living night mare that i fight with to this day. thanks to the VA I gotten better control.
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21 / F
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Posted 7/27/10
I'm kind of oblivious to people staring at me. But when I do, it's usually creepy old men... so I give them a dirty look and they stop : D I'll be honest though, I do stare a people in certain places like the car or skytrain. It's an interesting past-time. Lol. But I never directly look at someone in the eyes O_O thats awkward.
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23 / M / USA
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Posted 7/27/10
i've caught people staring at me... they're usually girls in their early teen years, which equals jail bait. i'm not into that stuff lol.
oh i remember this one foreign exchange student from taiwan last year used to always stare at me when i walked down the hall. he was a guy too which made it even more uncomfortable... >_>
as for myself, i usually don't stare at people. i "glance" lol. i'll stare if i know they won't see me though hahaha.
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114 / i'm a rockeeter.
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Posted 7/27/10
... I am guilty of staring at people. Many times I've been caught staring. Though really, it's not actually staring. I'm off in my own little world, and just so happen to be 'looking' over at their direction.
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Posted 7/28/10
Um when i stare im admiring people, or maybe its someone i like. I usaly pull up a smile if they stare back lol.
Posted 8/16/10
Have you ever been stared at?
Yes, many times

If so, why would you be stared at?
Many reasons, some I may be unaware of

What or your thoughts on staring?
Some people really need to keep their eyes to themselves , It can be annoying or sometimes creepy.
Some time ago, me and my family went to Chinatown, and went to a restaurant. There were these creepy guys just a table away from us that kept staring at me. I was really uncomfortable. I couldn't wait to get out of there...

Why do you think people stare?
They may see something uncommon, that may amaze them, or disgust them. I think it's rude, and sometimes I just want to punch them out...

Tell why YOU would stare?
Well, I don't stare at people, because I know how it feels and I try not to be rude

TIP:Next time someone stares at you, stare back. If they have a councience(sp), or common sence, they will look away.
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Posted 8/16/10 , edited 8/16/10
Have you ever been stared at?
yeah

If so, why would you be stared at?
because that person was never taught manners.

What or your thoughts on staring?
It's ridiculous and uncomfortable. I hate people who stare. Even though some attention whores like it.. gross.
(this is why i don't like presentations. it gives people a reason to stare at you.)

Why do you think people stare?
they haven't seen something you've got or want/like it and they forget that you can see them.

Tell why YOU would stare?
if someone was falling off a building.
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23 / F / In my own little...
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Posted 8/18/10

thefinalword wrote:

staring is rude.

unless it's boobs.

then it's ok.



WARNING: Upset woman about to rant!

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree.. I'm 19 and have a large chest, and NOTHING pisses me off more than guys staring at my boobs. It's rude and makes me feel like a piece of meat. And the fact that guys don't want to make eye contact EVER is the worst feeling in the world.

I've had big boobs since I was 13 or 14.. try being a young girl walking by herself and getting honked, whistled and yelled at, constantly worrying if one of those "honkers" is a creepy pervert in a candy van. The news has scared me that BECAUSE of my body I am not safe anymore. Just because they are nice for you to look and stare at doesn't mean the person receiving the stares feels good about it. When someone only appreciates you for the way you look, it tends to make you feel less than good enough.

So no, it's not ok.. Staring is rude. No matter the situation. Maybe you should try thinking about how it would feel. Being nothing more than an object to stare at, no one considering your feelings. You will never be able to relate to a woman's feeling on this. Men just tend to think differently when it comes to a womans body. Just because you think they are great to look at, doesn't mean we WANT you looking.
Posted 8/18/10

Scathach2517 wrote:




WARNING: Upset woman about to rant!

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree.. I'm 19 and have a large chest, and NOTHING pisses me off more than guys staring at my boobs. It's rude and makes me feel like a piece of meat. And the fact that guys don't want to make eye contact EVER is the worst feeling in the world.

I've had big boobs since I was 13 or 14.. try being a young girl walking by herself and getting honked, whistled and yelled at, constantly worrying if one of those "honkers" is a creepy pervert in a candy van. The news has scared me that BECAUSE of my body I am not safe anymore. Just because they are nice for you to look and stare at doesn't mean the person receiving the stares feels good about it. When someone only appreciates you for the way you look, it tends to make you feel less than good enough.

So no, it's not ok.. Staring is rude. No matter the situation. Maybe you should try thinking about how it would feel. Being nothing more than an object to stare at, no one considering your feelings. You will never be able to relate to a woman's feeling on this. Men just tend to think differently when it comes to a womans body. Just because you think they are great to look at, doesn't mean we WANT you looking.
That's the point, when most men in the patriarchal societies weren't socialized to associate their emotions with what they think, only with what they do. Whereas women have richer emotional expression, men OTOH are more instinct and primal if not gay/cultured, IMHO.

That being said, I'm not making excuses for the men who think nothing better than perceiving women only as objects of sexual desire. For that's just a waste of braincells, when men knowing how to communicate more femininely can make interactions between men and women that much more fun yet challenging:

Feminine Communication

Before separating feminine and masculine communication to understand more clearly the distinctions of each, I will define how I will use these terms throughout this paper. The terms women and men will be used when referring to one’s biological sex. Female and male and feminine and masculine will be used when referring to socialized gender and communication styles. Since women tend to communicate in the feminine style and men tend to communicate in the masculine style we can assume most women will fit into feminine communication and most men will fit into masculine communication.

Feminine and masculine forms of communication are very different. As Sandra Ingram and Anne Parker write in their book Gender and Collaboration: Communication Styles in the Engineering Classroom, “women make use of such communicative strategies as active listening, posing questions and soliciting input from others in order to make decisions, which are often based on consensus” (11). Drawing on psychological studies, Mary M. Lay in her article “Interpersonal Conflict in Collaborative Writing: What We Can Learn from Gender Studies” shows women’s natural inclination to become more connected to others and collaborative. Lay writes “females find self-identity through collaboration and relationships” (7). Lay goes on to describe how even from an early age women tend to be more collaborative trying to create a “community of equals” (8). Lay elaborates showing how strongly women connect to others though communication. Interpersonal relationships become the basis for how women view themselves (Lay 7). Lay describes a feminine communication style for the classroom highlighting women’s abilities to collaborate well with others and encourage equal participation from those they are working and communicating with. She shows the strong contrast between men’s and women’s preferred communication in the classroom writing “many women then seek a collaborative experience within most classroom settings, while men feel more comfortable in classes where debate and competition rule” (Lay 13).

The previous research shows women have a natural tendency to create a community when they communicate. They also build strong connections and bonds and tend to communicate seeing others as equal to them. Women tend to communicate in a more equal collaborative setting whereas men tend to communicate in a more hierarchical competitive setting. Women create important interpersonal relationships through communication which become a significant part of how they view themselves. Men however tend to have a very different style of communication. (citation)
Come on men! Your brain can use a workout too. And I happen to know for a fact that nothing is more challenging than us men getting to know about our own emotional selves, except when we're all about to die:

Trench warfare

During World War 1, the British and German armies were often stuck in trenches facing each other, living in terrible conditions. Several times, soldiers on both sides ceased shelling the other side. In effect, a "live and let live" pact developed. Soldiers would pretend to fight but would aim to miss. Occasional deadly force would be met with instant retaliation, but each side would quickly forgive transgressions. In some cases, the generals had to send in new recruits to break up the pacts that had developed.(citation)
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23 / F / In my own little...
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Posted 8/18/10
@ DomFortress

I really appreciate your honesty and informative response. And I'm very glad you shed some light on the psychological side of this topic. I just hope that my post shed some light on the emotional side. Maybe even inspire certain people to think a little more about how staring affects other people.. and perhaps they'll think twice about staring, and think more about respecting the person's feelings instead of satisfying their own curiosity.
Posted 8/19/10 , edited 8/19/10

Scathach2517 wrote:

@ DomFortress

I really appreciate your honesty and informative response. And I'm very glad you shed some light on the psychological side of this topic. I just hope that my post shed some light on the emotional side. Maybe even inspire certain people to think a little more about how staring affects other people.. and perhaps they'll think twice about staring, and think more about respecting the person's feelings instead of satisfying their own curiosity.
In that case I need to confess(aka too much information): I too however look at a woman's body both in a sexual and structural-functional manner, when I look at a woman's hip and ass in order to determine how physically powerful she is, and I personally happen to prefer a nice set of strong ass and legs because they're a good indication of an active healthy lifestyle(it comes with the job as a fitness trainer).

So I'm sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable, but I can't help to like what I've seen as being active, healthy, and subsequently sexy, even though most of the time the women themselves didn't even know that I was looking. But I promise that I'll let them know about it when they ask.
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23 / F / In my own little...
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Posted 8/19/10 , edited 8/19/10
@ DomFortress


Again, honesty is greatly appreciated. I suppose my main point is that there is a significant difference between "ogling" and "admiring". Ogling is defined as "To stare at in a lecherous manner." To Admire is "To regard (an object, quality, or person) with respect or warm approval." Now it may seem silly as some people would assume they mean similar things. But for me I truly believe that there is a way to look at a womans body without making her feel like a mere sexual object.

In regards to you being a personal trainer, I can respect the fact that you mostly look and base your opinions of a woman's body in relation to your job. But boys will be boys, no offense meant. I don't reckon that my post will have a world changing effect; I just hope that it would enlighten people who read it, to think about their actions and the effects their actions have on the people around them.




P.S.- I have calmed down immensely since the original post I made and am no longer typing out of anger.
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52 / F / Atlanta GA
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Posted 8/20/10
I do stair people down call it an act of violence with out violence. And dog's as well show fear you can be dog food. I always had to be aware of my surrounding and when working with a bunch of blue / white collar works I found to establish my presents and lead by example. Men would walk all over me if given a chance. From being a Cook Army, engineering, and Home building mostly flips and add editions. I carry an ax/hammer with me in engineering and home building. Men that never worked around me always wanted to test me. So being on the offence at the start was useful did men test me yes and realized I had no problem using my tools as weapons. We-man test each other out not in the same manner but cutting comments and trying to make some look bad to say I am better. Mostly I respect men they come out ans say it. women tend to be manipulative and passive aggressive to sabotage and some males are this way to just far and few between.
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