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The General Help/Advice Thread
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Posted 2/8/12
2 against 1. I'll put aside my pride. See if it will make a difference for this apology thing I need to do. lol pro or not it is still a nice tip. Thanks.
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Posted 2/9/12

Mafouka wrote:

Long story I'll try to keep as brief as possible:

I like this guy and vice versa. He wants us to work out on our own without actually doing anything, whereas I'm all about fixing everything. I understand there has to be balance: he's got to put more effort whereas I've got to put in less. However, one thing I've asked from him in particular is one night a week to hang out by ourselves. He doesn't want to promise me that - he wants to be able to come over whenever he's free which IS fairly often, but I don't like the possibility of not seeing him for a straight month, which has also happened before. He told me to call when I wanted to hang out and I said I will IF he comes over once a week. Again, we couldn't reach an agreement. I feel that by giving him that and him not guaranteeing me any planned time whatsoever, he's getting spoiled. Seeing each other is a huge deal, after all.

I feel sometimes like he just doesn't care about me, even though he shows me that he does whenever we are together - the problem is that, nowadays, we hardly are together. And it's getting harder to be around him at school knowing I'm not happy. It's gotten to a point where I find myself defying him. I don't want to listen to what he says. I don't want to do anything he wants me to do. I DO like him - that's why I want to spend time with him - but I don't want to compromise my needs to be with him. He doesn't deserve to not have to bend, and I want to keep things between us EQUAL. But he's getting on my last fucking nerve acting like he shouldn't have to put any effort into this. I try to explain to him that things are NOT THAT SIMPLE. And then I remember how analytical I am, making it hard for me to say anything else without punishing myself.

Anyway, I've thought about saying one day every other week. In exchange, any last minute plans he wants to make are welcome - I will make it my duty as someone who does like their relationships planned to be more open minded and participate. I figure between the planned and unplanned time, we can both be satisfied - I still have some hope in the thought that he does want to see me, and that his real issue is committing to a permanent plan, so perhaps one night a week was too much for him to agree with. If he doesn't go along with it, I don't know what I'm going to do. That's what I came here for.



I think your suggestion is quite fair, especially if you don't get to see each other very mush at the moment. You never know how he'll react until you tell him, and you should probably tell him how insecure you feel about the whole thing. If he cares, he'll probably make time for you, unless he has a very good reason.
Of course, I'm assuming that you two are in a relationship.
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Posted 2/9/12

D01BCDN3 wrote:

You seemed pester. I think I will rush it to one minute.


lol what's pester? I only said one day because I need to sleep on the design
Posted 2/9/12

haikinka wrote:


Mafouka wrote:

Long story I'll try to keep as brief as possible:

I like this guy and vice versa. He wants us to work out on our own without actually doing anything, whereas I'm all about fixing everything. I understand there has to be balance: he's got to put more effort whereas I've got to put in less. However, one thing I've asked from him in particular is one night a week to hang out by ourselves. He doesn't want to promise me that - he wants to be able to come over whenever he's free which IS fairly often, but I don't like the possibility of not seeing him for a straight month, which has also happened before. He told me to call when I wanted to hang out and I said I will IF he comes over once a week. Again, we couldn't reach an agreement. I feel that by giving him that and him not guaranteeing me any planned time whatsoever, he's getting spoiled. Seeing each other is a huge deal, after all.

I feel sometimes like he just doesn't care about me, even though he shows me that he does whenever we are together - the problem is that, nowadays, we hardly are together. And it's getting harder to be around him at school knowing I'm not happy. It's gotten to a point where I find myself defying him. I don't want to listen to what he says. I don't want to do anything he wants me to do. I DO like him - that's why I want to spend time with him - but I don't want to compromise my needs to be with him. He doesn't deserve to not have to bend, and I want to keep things between us EQUAL. But he's getting on my last fucking nerve acting like he shouldn't have to put any effort into this. I try to explain to him that things are NOT THAT SIMPLE. And then I remember how analytical I am, making it hard for me to say anything else without punishing myself.

Anyway, I've thought about saying one day every other week. In exchange, any last minute plans he wants to make are welcome - I will make it my duty as someone who does like their relationships planned to be more open minded and participate. I figure between the planned and unplanned time, we can both be satisfied - I still have some hope in the thought that he does want to see me, and that his real issue is committing to a permanent plan, so perhaps one night a week was too much for him to agree with. If he doesn't go along with it, I don't know what I'm going to do. That's what I came here for.



I think your suggestion is quite fair, especially if you don't get to see each other very mush at the moment. You never know how he'll react until you tell him, and you should probably tell him how insecure you feel about the whole thing. If he cares, he'll probably make time for you, unless he has a very good reason.
Of course, I'm assuming that you two are in a relationship.


I left him for a while over this one fight we had. We ended up talking again about trying to fix it, which is where this conversation came from, but are not getting back until we figure out what we're going to do.

I'll try telling him..if he doesn't oblige, even if I don't want to leave, I feel I'm starting to do that anyway. Thanks for helping. :)


Posted 2/9/12

haikinka wrote:


D01BCDN3 wrote:

You seemed pester. I think I will rush it to one minute.


lol what's pester? I only said one day because I need to sleep on the design


Don't irk me, kinko. With all of your caring, my eggs won't be offended.
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Posted 2/9/12

D01BCDN3 wrote:


haikinka wrote:


D01BCDN3 wrote:

You seemed pester. I think I will rush it to one minute.


lol what's pester? I only said one day because I need to sleep on the design


Don't irk me, kinko. With all of your caring, my eggs won't be offended.



I could only make one. God turned the other two into pure gold, and then decided they were too awesome to stay on earth, and took them for himself.
Posted 2/9/12

haikinka wrote:


D01BCDN3 wrote:


haikinka wrote:


D01BCDN3 wrote:

You seemed pester. I think I will rush it to one minute.


lol what's pester? I only said one day because I need to sleep on the design


Don't irk me, kinko. With all of your caring, my eggs won't be offended.



I could only make one. God turned the other two into pure gold, and then decided they were too awesome to stay on earth, and took them for himself.


Your purity will always stay below my tiny heart. You're welcome.
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Posted 2/14/12
How can you detach yourself from someone?
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Posted 2/14/12

puchiro wrote:

How can you detach yourself from someone?


Depends, physically or emotionally?

Physically; Get a bit of lubricant (butter, oil, etc) and do a bit of wriggling.

Emotionally; Give more details. Who are you trying to detach yourself from? Why? Etcetera, etcetera
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Posted 2/14/12

haikinka wrote:


puchiro wrote:

How can you detach yourself from someone?


Depends, physically or emotionally?

Physically; Get a bit of lubricant (butter, oil, etc) and do a bit of wriggling.

Emotionally; Give more details. Who are you trying to detach yourself from? Why? Etcetera, etcetera


Emotionally. I'm trying to detach myself from this person I like. I had some personal issues in so my friend suggested to talk to her friend because he is very talented, when it comes to advice. And so I did, but after a few months we became close and some where along the way I fell for him. No surprise there. Long story short I confessed to him, he told me to wait. i felt pathetic for waiting so long for him, and i didn't acknowledge what exactly is was i was waiting for, so i followed my brain, disregarding my guts and told him i wanted to stop and move on. He let me. i cut off my ties for him for nearly a year, hoping the lack of communication will help me move on. but it didnt, and i missed him so much i decided to speak to him again, even though i didn't move on. when we started talking again (he thinks i've moved on) he had told me the reason he told me to wait was because he still had feelings for his ex gf. although he also had feelings for me as well, he thought it would be unfair to me since another girl is on his mind, so to him, that would be like cheating.

and so he finally moved on from his ex gf, and is in a new relationship. im happy for him i really am but i just cant seem to move on. its frustrating how i've felt this way for 2 years and hes moved on with his life. we are still are friends, we still talk here and there but i want to detach the part of him i fell for.
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Posted 2/14/12

puchiro wrote:


Emotionally. I'm trying to detach myself from this person I like. I had some personal issues in so my friend suggested to talk to her friend because he is very talented, when it comes to advice. And so I did, but after a few months we became close and some where along the way I fell for him. No surprise there. Long story short I confessed to him, he told me to wait. i felt pathetic for waiting so long for him, and i didn't acknowledge what exactly is was i was waiting for, so i followed my brain, disregarding my guts and told him i wanted to stop and move on. He let me. i cut off my ties for him for nearly a year, hoping the lack of communication will help me move on. but it didnt, and i missed him so much i decided to speak to him again, even though i didn't move on. when we started talking again (he thinks i've moved on) he had told me the reason he told me to wait was because he still had feelings for his ex gf. although he also had feelings for me as well, he thought it would be unfair to me since another girl is on his mind, so to him, that would be like cheating.

and so he finally moved on from his ex gf, and is in a new relationship. im happy for him i really am but i just cant seem to move on. its frustrating how i've felt this way for 2 years and hes moved on with his life. we are still are friends, we still talk here and there but i want to detach the part of him i fell for.


So...
> You fell for a guy you got advice from and ended up confessing to him, and he basically blew you off
> You stopped seeing him for a while, but have recently started seeing him again, but as a friend.
> You still have feelings for him, but you want to get rid of them.

This is the basic jist of it, right?
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Posted 2/14/12

haikinka wrote:


puchiro wrote:


Emotionally. I'm trying to detach myself from this person I like. I had some personal issues in so my friend suggested to talk to her friend because he is very talented, when it comes to advice. And so I did, but after a few months we became close and some where along the way I fell for him. No surprise there. Long story short I confessed to him, he told me to wait. i felt pathetic for waiting so long for him, and i didn't acknowledge what exactly is was i was waiting for, so i followed my brain, disregarding my guts and told him i wanted to stop and move on. He let me. i cut off my ties for him for nearly a year, hoping the lack of communication will help me move on. but it didnt, and i missed him so much i decided to speak to him again, even though i didn't move on. when we started talking again (he thinks i've moved on) he had told me the reason he told me to wait was because he still had feelings for his ex gf. although he also had feelings for me as well, he thought it would be unfair to me since another girl is on his mind, so to him, that would be like cheating.

and so he finally moved on from his ex gf, and is in a new relationship. im happy for him i really am but i just cant seem to move on. its frustrating how i've felt this way for 2 years and hes moved on with his life. we are still are friends, we still talk here and there but i want to detach the part of him i fell for.


So...
> You fell for a guy you got advice from and ended up confessing to him, and he basically blew you off
> You stopped seeing him for a while, but have recently started seeing him again, but as a friend.
> You still have feelings for him, but you want to get rid of them.

This is the basic jist of it, right?


Pretty much
Posted 2/14/12 , edited 2/14/12
No way he liked you romantically.

If you can't get rid of it after 2 years I recommend sitting down and having a nice talk with him. He heard you out for a good period, didn't he? One more time won't hurt.

Next time have someone of the same gender to help you psychologically. It's a female thing to think a guy likes them just because they listen and help ya.
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Posted 2/15/12
Seriously? I must have giving a lot of people the wrong impression then o.0
Posted 2/15/12
I say dig deeper into yourself and why you feel so loney and have this need to be attached to someone. Its really sad if you fall for someone who doesn't feel the same way...Me? Yeah...for me there is always some other guy attached to the girl I fall for...its a bit soul crushing but for me as long as I know they know how I feel I can move forward knowing that they just didn't feel the same way. For me its always been just enjoy the time you spend with someone while you can.
Looking into why I get attached to people...
Mainly because I've spent a lot of time on my own...pushing for results...taking criticism, no real friends or family... every girl using you to get with your brother, family regecting you and having no one to talk to about how you really are...so you put on this visage...and when someone sees through it and gives you the time of day...its hard not to. No matter how selfish or lazy or stupid the person is...being wanted around is nice...im a real sucker for sweet words...some encouragement...because I never get it...
Look at the people arounf you and why you do things...your probably a pretty cool person and everyone is trying to bring you down. Being able to admit your attached to someone for that long shows a lot of character. Most people cant come to terms with their flaws...but to me...
Its not a flaw...its how much you hope.
Remember indifference is the opposite of love...
Hatred and love are really borderline becayse they are intense focus...
Think of what you really want. Im sure you can fugure it out.
Me? I just want someone who accepts me for who I am...something ive never had...

ut my job hours and goals pretty much kill any hope of a social life.
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