mentaljedi wrote:

I grew up around loads of sisters who picked on me a lot so i grew up hating girls. As i progressed through primary and secondary school, i got bullied on a lot because of my looks and my ethnicity. Eventually i got over my hate of girls, and developed my first crushed. After i was shot down after confessing, that girl decided to make my life a living hell for some reason i don't know. I don't have many friends, those that i do have are more like acquaintances to be honest. Plus, i seem to be easily to be forgotten. I mean, they'd invite me to stuff but only if i asked. Otherwise, I could die and nobody would know. I've never really had a good friend that i could count on, be it a girl or boy, and find myself getting even more depressed as the days go by.

Really, i don't see much hope for me, espsically since my self-esteem has been shot to hell. Doesn't help since i'm naturally suspicious of anyone trying to be my firend since i was used a lot when i was younger because i was smart. I was kind of like a puppy starved of attention (i'm ashamed to admit) and would do anything to keep friendship. Took ages to find i was being used and even then, i felt it worth it even if it was fake.

Damn...don't i sound depressing... The only thing that comforts me is that i haven't tried to commit suicide in ages... i'm over my cutting period. For me, the only thing i really have these days is my health, my brains and my computer. (and my Ipod too!)