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Suicide
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Posted 2/7/09

BabyVloveKAT-TUN wrote:

i;ve been really really close many times~~ but sometimes i think of someone i love and then my best friend made me promise her that i won't suicide so no matter how much i want to suicide now....i'm a person who think about others way more than myself....so that means i can't ....because i made a promise....although i want to break that promise but then i thought....i would be really sad if my best friend did that to me....demo...sometimes i'm really close T^T


best friends....all of my best friends were like fakes, but i still feel so dumb being their puppy dog around the school. i hate it. i dont really have another choice but to hang out with her since everyone else has their own group of friends or best friends to hang out with and complete ignore me. its freaking sucks ass man. "we must stay best friends forever!" thats what my "best friend" told me so many times, and look at what is happening now?? no surprise, she got a new best friend! she just completed dumped me, i try to let go, but she wouldnt let me. like honestly, it is retarded bullshit. i can see that people want me there because they are lonely for like 1 minute, and then dump me when they see their other friends. what great friends i have...

i dont think i had suicidal thoughts but i did become really close to becoming an emo but i couldnt bring myself to cut my own skin and i thought my cuts would being annoying when i shower so i didnt.
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Posted 2/7/09
i think its wrong and a sin because life is a gift
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Posted 2/7/09 , edited 2/7/09

brogits wrote:

it pisses me off how people here talk about moving on from problems like it was that easy...what if the problem can't be solved? what if it's something that goes on and on and on. and you'd think psychological defense mechanisms will work. you only live life like a zombie. it's really not that easy. oh well, but i guess people here can't/won't understand. and yes, it's so stupid of me to actually post this useless post here. and people would probably think i'm emo. such callous people.

whatever.


LOL, I understand your anger and why you're pissed, and yes you are right to some extent that some problem usually don't go away. Yet, that is still no excuse to commit suicide. Well... I don't think your emo ^_^

A few examples may be:

If the problem is that a persons gf/bf left them for good, would suicide be justified?

If someone close to that person died would suicide be justified?

If someone is in a financial crisis, is suicide justified?

Or if some just doesn't know who they are and completly lost as to their purpose (identity crisis) is suicide justified?

In all cases... no. If their bf/gf left them and they want to commit suicide then that person needs to get a reality check, it means it's not working out and that person needs to move on.

If someone close to a person has died, then they should also move on in memory of that person, death is the natural cycle of life and we'll all eventually die.

If someone is in a financial crisis, then suicide is the weak way out. Everyone, escpecially now has financial problems, if that person works hard enough, they can eventually pull themselves out, and banks are more than willing to make deals, so a person has no excuse.

Identity crisis is a big one. Suicide means that they're not even willing to figure themselves out. Identity crisis is common and at times we all start to doubt ourselves, but seeking help in other can help a person to overcome that, especially when your a teen, suicide just means they don't wish to give themselves a chance and is taking life for granted when they've got years ahead of them to figure themselves out. A close friend of mine has this problem and her parents let her drop out of school for a year so she can get everything sorted out. Another friend of mine didn't drop out, but every weekend she spends three hours in isolation getting everything in focus. Both haven't even considered suicide.

Suicide is never the answer, not only is the person throwing their life away, but the reputation they leave behind wont be a great one, rather everyone would think they're pathetic.

----------------------------------

For me it's obvious, I've never attempted suicide nor do I plan on it anytime in my life. It really is the weak way out. Those who commit suicide aren't bad people who make humanity look bad, but rather jump to split decisions and follow through without looking for another path. It's sad really...
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Posted 2/7/09

AleeceNoTenshi wrote:


brogits wrote:

it pisses me off how people here talk about moving on from problems like it was that easy...what if the problem can't be solved? what if it's something that goes on and on and on. and you'd think psychological defense mechanisms will work. you only live life like a zombie. it's really not that easy. oh well, but i guess people here can't/won't understand. and yes, it's so stupid of me to actually post this useless post here. and people would probably think i'm emo. such callous people.

whatever.


LOL, I understand your anger and why you're pissed, and yes you are right to some extent that some problem usually don't go away. Yet, that is still no excuse to commit suicide. Well... I don't think your emo ^_^

A few examples may be:

If the problem is that a persons gf/bf left them for good, would suicide be justified?

If someone close to that person died would suicide be justified?

If someone is in a financial crisis, is suicide justified?

Or if some just doesn't know who they are and completly lost as to their purpose (identity crisis) is suicide justified?

In all cases... no. If their bf/gf left them and they want to commit suicide then that person needs to get a reality check, it means it's not working out and that person needs to move on.

If someone close to a person has died, then they should also move on in memory of that person, death is the natural cycle of life and we'll all eventually die.

If someone is in a financial crisis, then suicide is the weak way out. Everyone, escpecially now has financial problems, if that person works hard enough, they can eventually pull themselves out, and banks are more than willing to make deals, so a person has no excuse.

Identity crisis is a big one. Suicide means that they're not even willing to figure themselves out. Identity crisis is common and at times we all start to doubt ourselves, but seeking help in other can help a person to overcome that, especially when your a teen, suicide just means they don't wish to give themselves a chance and is taking life for granted when they've got years ahead of them to figure themselves out. A close friend of mine has this problem and her parents let her drop out of school for a year so she can get everything sorted out. Another friend of mine didn't drop out, but every weekend she spends three hours in isolation getting everything in focus. Both haven't even considered suicide.

Suicide is never the answer, not only is the person throwing their life away, but the reputation they leave behind wont be a great one, rather everyone would think they're pathetic.

----------------------------------

For me it's obvious, I've never attempted suicide nor do I plan on it anytime in my life. It really is the weak way out. Those who commit suicide aren't bad people who make humanity look bad, but rather jump to split decisions and follow through without looking for another path. It's sad really...


well, my problem is different. none of those mentioned. it's so much more complicated. the pain's been building up in me for 5 years now, but i didn't commit suicide. i know suicide's not the answer. i'm just pissed at people who talk like they know so much about pain.

i do not plan to kill myself.

but i did before. when i was younger. i think that was when i was about 10 or 11 years old. i drank hydrogen peroxide. but i didn't die. i wonder why...i've had several suicide attempts before. but i always ended up failing. right now, the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my faith in god. i drank poison before because i didn't know you'd directly go to hell if you killed yourself. even though i sometimes have athiestic tendencies, i realized one only becomes an atheist if he thinks he still has complete control of his life. but once things happen to you, once things get out of hand, you can't help but seek something you cannot name...like divine help or something.

the problem is, i'm all in this alone because...well...again, it's complicated. i've been spending the last 5 years of my life pretending like i'm okay. sometimes i FORCE myself to be happy. i try to take control of things but i just can't. especially since my problem is something that involves other people. i can't control them. and they 're too close-minded, i can't influence them either. the problem just won't end. i live through it every single day. it goes on and on and on. sometimes i wish i could not feel hurt, but then again i'm just human.

i appreciate your advice, though. thanks. but i just wish people won't talk like they know how it's really like to feel deeply hurt. i just wish they won't look down on people who are a bit suicidal. people shouldn't judge. it's best to just at least give some concern.
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digs 
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Posted 2/7/09 , edited 2/7/09

brogits wrote:


AleeceNoTenshi wrote:


brogits wrote:

it pisses me off how people here talk about moving on from problems like it was that easy...what if the problem can't be solved? what if it's something that goes on and on and on. and you'd think psychological defense mechanisms will work. you only live life like a zombie. it's really not that easy. oh well, but i guess people here can't/won't understand. and yes, it's so stupid of me to actually post this useless post here. and people would probably think i'm emo. such callous people.

whatever.


LOL, I understand your anger and why you're pissed, and yes you are right to some extent that some problem usually don't go away. Yet, that is still no excuse to commit suicide. Well... I don't think your emo ^_^

A few examples may be:

If the problem is that a persons gf/bf left them for good, would suicide be justified?

If someone close to that person died would suicide be justified?

If someone is in a financial crisis, is suicide justified?

Or if some just doesn't know who they are and completly lost as to their purpose (identity crisis) is suicide justified?

In all cases... no. If their bf/gf left them and they want to commit suicide then that person needs to get a reality check, it means it's not working out and that person needs to move on.

If someone close to a person has died, then they should also move on in memory of that person, death is the natural cycle of life and we'll all eventually die.

If someone is in a financial crisis, then suicide is the weak way out. Everyone, escpecially now has financial problems, if that person works hard enough, they can eventually pull themselves out, and banks are more than willing to make deals, so a person has no excuse.

Identity crisis is a big one. Suicide means that they're not even willing to figure themselves out. Identity crisis is common and at times we all start to doubt ourselves, but seeking help in other can help a person to overcome that, especially when your a teen, suicide just means they don't wish to give themselves a chance and is taking life for granted when they've got years ahead of them to figure themselves out. A close friend of mine has this problem and her parents let her drop out of school for a year so she can get everything sorted out. Another friend of mine didn't drop out, but every weekend she spends three hours in isolation getting everything in focus. Both haven't even considered suicide.

Suicide is never the answer, not only is the person throwing their life away, but the reputation they leave behind wont be a great one, rather everyone would think they're pathetic.

----------------------------------

For me it's obvious, I've never attempted suicide nor do I plan on it anytime in my life. It really is the weak way out. Those who commit suicide aren't bad people who make humanity look bad, but rather jump to split decisions and follow through without looking for another path. It's sad really...


well, my problem is different. none of those mentioned. it's so much more complicated. the pain's been building up in me for 5 years now, but i didn't commit suicide. i know suicide's not the answer. i'm just pissed at people who talk like they know so much about pain.

i do not plan to kill myself.

but i did before. when i was younger. i think that was when i was about 10 or 11 years old. i drank hydrogen peroxide. but i didn't die. i wonder why...i've had several suicide attempts before. but i always ended up failing. right now, the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my faith in god. i drank poison before because i didn't know you'd directly go to hell if you killed yourself. even though i sometimes have athiestic tendencies, i realized one only becomes an atheist if he thinks he still has complete control of his life. but once things happen to you, once things get out of hand, you can't help but seek something you cannot name...like divine help or something.

the problem is, i'm all in this alone because...well...again, it's complicated. i've been spending the last 5 years of my life pretending like i'm okay. sometimes i FORCE myself to be happy. i try to take control of things but i just can't. especially since my problem is something that involves other people. i can't control them. and they 're too close-minded, i can't influence them either. the problem just won't end. i live through it every single day. it goes on and on and on. sometimes i wish i could not feel hurt, but then again i'm just human.

i appreciate your advice, though. thanks. but i just wish people won't talk like they know how it's really like to feel deeply hurt. i just wish they won't look down on people who are a bit suicidal. people shouldn't judge. it's best to just at least give some concern.


I used to be just like you, I suffered from depression sense I was about 12. I was very emotionally mature and desired real relationship with people (which never really happened). I was suicidal and attempted two times and failed (and I'm glad it did). During my depression I did become an atheist, and that only made things worse because it multiplied my pain and turned me into a person who despised all humanity. When I got older I have a very close relationship with my best friend, and I also had a very close relationship with my crush of two years. During the same time, my best friend left me and had used me all those years and flat out told me that he wasn't planning on having a lasting friendship with me. My crush broke up with her boyfriend, and then dated her boyfriends best friend and caused a drama-fest. Both of my close friends left me and I was alone, I was hating people because I was tired of being hurt by them. After they left, I started living foolishly by drinking and smoking and "living it up." These things made me feel good, but my heart had been violently thrashed and shredded into shards of pain that got worse with ever cigarette and drink. I was happy, but I was miserable. However, last year in January I hit rock bottom, I was seriously considering suicide and thinking about weather or not I should leave a note. During that time I chose to turn to God with all my heart. I had a friend tell me about God and show me kindness, and that helped me come back to Christ. I became born again, but the pain didn't stop immediately. It took patience and allowing God to refine me in fire and put my heart back together into a way that brings me joy and honors Him. After 8 months of being a Christian, my relationship with my new best friend became even closer, and God through His Spirit gave me the calling for my life. People will always hurt us and let us down because we are fallible, God won't, He promises to never leave us or forsake us. We just have to turn to Him and be patient while resisting the devil who wants us to fall away and blame God for our troubles. I had been depressed for 6 years, and God saved me, sometimes I still feel lonely and have pain, but God holds me in His loving arms. He has given me a call for my life that I know is going to happen, and that helps me to be joyful. I used to be selfish, but now I love giving, investing in other people brings joy to the hearts of those who genuinely care for them. God loves us with all His heart, we just have to choose to rest in His arms and let Him hold and mold us.

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Posted 2/7/09
i died and then was brought back by docters.......when i tried to hang myself......they shoulda let me die
1186 cr points
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Posted 2/7/09

brogits wrote:


AleeceNoTenshi wrote:


brogits wrote:

it pisses me off how people here talk about moving on from problems like it was that easy...what if the problem can't be solved? what if it's something that goes on and on and on. and you'd think psychological defense mechanisms will work. you only live life like a zombie. it's really not that easy. oh well, but i guess people here can't/won't understand. and yes, it's so stupid of me to actually post this useless post here. and people would probably think i'm emo. such callous people.

whatever.


LOL, I understand your anger and why you're pissed, and yes you are right to some extent that some problem usually don't go away. Yet, that is still no excuse to commit suicide. Well... I don't think your emo ^_^

A few examples may be:

If the problem is that a persons gf/bf left them for good, would suicide be justified?

If someone close to that person died would suicide be justified?

If someone is in a financial crisis, is suicide justified?

Or if some just doesn't know who they are and completly lost as to their purpose (identity crisis) is suicide justified?

In all cases... no. If their bf/gf left them and they want to commit suicide then that person needs to get a reality check, it means it's not working out and that person needs to move on.

If someone close to a person has died, then they should also move on in memory of that person, death is the natural cycle of life and we'll all eventually die.

If someone is in a financial crisis, then suicide is the weak way out. Everyone, escpecially now has financial problems, if that person works hard enough, they can eventually pull themselves out, and banks are more than willing to make deals, so a person has no excuse.

Identity crisis is a big one. Suicide means that they're not even willing to figure themselves out. Identity crisis is common and at times we all start to doubt ourselves, but seeking help in other can help a person to overcome that, especially when your a teen, suicide just means they don't wish to give themselves a chance and is taking life for granted when they've got years ahead of them to figure themselves out. A close friend of mine has this problem and her parents let her drop out of school for a year so she can get everything sorted out. Another friend of mine didn't drop out, but every weekend she spends three hours in isolation getting everything in focus. Both haven't even considered suicide.

Suicide is never the answer, not only is the person throwing their life away, but the reputation they leave behind wont be a great one, rather everyone would think they're pathetic.

----------------------------------

For me it's obvious, I've never attempted suicide nor do I plan on it anytime in my life. It really is the weak way out. Those who commit suicide aren't bad people who make humanity look bad, but rather jump to split decisions and follow through without looking for another path. It's sad really...


well, my problem is different. none of those mentioned. it's so much more complicated. the pain's been building up in me for 5 years now, but i didn't commit suicide. i know suicide's not the answer. i'm just pissed at people who talk like they know so much about pain.

i do not plan to kill myself.

but i did before. when i was younger. i think that was when i was about 10 or 11 years old. i drank hydrogen peroxide. but i didn't die. i wonder why...i've had several suicide attempts before. but i always ended up failing. right now, the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my faith in god. i drank poison before because i didn't know you'd directly go to hell if you killed yourself. even though i sometimes have athiestic tendencies, i realized one only becomes an atheist if he thinks he still has complete control of his life. but once things happen to you, once things get out of hand, you can't help but seek something you cannot name...like divine help or something.

the problem is, i'm all in this alone because...well...again, it's complicated. i've been spending the last 5 years of my life pretending like i'm okay. sometimes i FORCE myself to be happy. i try to take control of things but i just can't. especially since my problem is something that involves other people. i can't control them. and they 're too close-minded, i can't influence them either. the problem just won't end. i live through it every single day. it goes on and on and on. sometimes i wish i could not feel hurt, but then again i'm just human.

i appreciate your advice, though. thanks. but i just wish people won't talk like they know how it's really like to feel deeply hurt. i just wish they won't look down on people who are a bit suicidal. people shouldn't judge. it's best to just at least give some concern.


Well, I'm not sure what you're going through, but I've also got it pretty bad here. I can't say I understand what you're going through, but I can say that I understand your pain, even though it's not likely to be coming from a similar source.

My life's real complicated as well, yet, somehow, I haven't considered suicide as an option. I've got friends who whine and bitch about not getting a PS3, or how they weren't allowed to go to the movies, and I find that to be funny. Maybe, it's one of the reasons that I continue to go through with things, because of the shear stupidity of people, and it's a huge entertainment source for me.

Never force yourself to be happy, rather, accept your pain and accept your sad, because when you accept things the way they are, they seem so insignificant to you.

When I'm sad, I don't think happy thoughts like most say, but I accept the fact that I am sad, and somehow, I'm able to distinguish between the reason I'm sad and the use of being sad. Then you realize that being sad wont change a darn thing and that gives you leverage to move on.

Yeah, people now a days are naive and stupid, but hey, that's how humans are and we can't do a thing to change it. Instead of looking at the negative side of it, I look at is as a source of amusement... and it tends to make things seem a lot easier.

Give what I said a try, if it doesn't work, then maybe you could ask someone you really trust for help. If you don't trust anyone, then the best solution is finding someone online who'd listen and give you support without you having to give them information that is way to personal. Just the basics would work.

Hope you work through everything, and I wish you best.
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Posted 2/7/09

digs wrote:
I used to be just like you, I suffered from depression sense I was about 12. I was very emotionally mature and desired real relationship with people (which never really happened). I was suicidal and attempted two times and failed (and I'm glad it did). During my depression I did become an atheist, and that only made things worse because it multiplied my pain and turned me into a person who despised all humanity. When I got older I have a very close relationship with my best friend, and I also had a very close relationship with my crush of two years. During the same time, my best friend left me and had used me all those years and flat out told me that he wasn't planning on having a lasting friendship with me. My crush broke up with her boyfriend, and then dated her boyfriends best friend and caused a drama-fest. Both of my close friends left me and I was alone, I was hating people because I was tired of being hurt by them. After they left, I started living foolishly by drinking and smoking and "living it up." These things made me feel good, but my heart had been violently thrashed and shredded into shards of pain that got worse with ever cigarette and drink. I was happy, but I was miserable. However, last year in January I hit rock bottom, I was seriously considering suicide and thinking about weather or not I should leave a note. During that time I chose to turn to God with all my heart. I had a friend tell me about God and show me kindness, and that helped me come back to Christ. I became born again, but the pain didn't stop immediately. It took patience and allowing God to refine me in fire and put my heart back together into a way that brings me joy and honors Him. After 8 months of being a Christian, my relationship with my new best friend became even closer, and God through His Spirit gave me the calling for my life. People will always hurt us and let us down because we are fallible, God won't, He promises to never leave us or forsake us. We just have to turn to Him and be patient while resisting the devil who wants us to fall away and blame God for our troubles. I had been depressed for 6 years, and God saved me, sometimes I still feel lonely and have pain, but God holds me in His loving arms. He has given me a call for my life that I know is going to happen, and that helps me to be joyful. I used to be selfish, but now I love giving, investing in other people brings joy to the hearts of those who genuinely care for them. God loves us with all His heart, we just have to choose to rest in His arms and let Him hold and mold us.


well, that isn't exactly what's happening to me right now. i guess the thing that could really describe what's happening with me right now is this: that i hate myself. i don't like being me. and i'm drowning in self-pity. this was all caused by a lot of people but i don't wanna blame any of them. if there's anyone to blame, that would be me and me alone.

i used to be extremely faithful to god before, without really examining my faith. but as i matured, i realized that that was blind faith. if i practiced that kind of faith, i would only end up being someone blaming some god because of all the miserable things happening in my life. i didn't want that. so there really was a point in my life where i decided to stop believing in him coz it thought it wasn't getting me anywhere.

but i don't know. i guess i really can't stop believing in him. there was a part of me that really clung to him. i have to admit, no matter how many hardships i had in life, i still received a lot of undeserved blessings---, to me, that somehow proves that there's a supreme being out there. luck is not just luck. maybe there really is some omnipotent being in control. i've had a lot of near-death experiences, and it's just hard to believe i'm still alive today. silly it may sound but i've come to believe it was some sort of divine intervention.

"for one to truly have faith in God, one would also have to doubt one's beliefs about God; the doubt is the rational part of a person's thought involved in weighing evidence, without which the faith would have no real substance. someone who does not realise that christian doctrine is inherently doubtful and that there can be no objective certainty about its truth does not have faith but is merely credulous. for example, it takes no faith to believe that a pencil or a table exists, when one is looking at it and touching it. in the same way, to believe or have faith in God is to know that one has no perceptual or any other access to God, and yet still has faith in God."

i share the same belief as Soren Kierkegaard.
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AleeceNoTenshi wrote:

Well, I'm not sure what you're going through, but I've also got it pretty bad here. I can't say I understand what you're going through, but I can say that I understand your pain, even though it's not likely to be coming from a similar source.

My life's real complicated as well, yet, somehow, I haven't considered suicide as an option. I've got friends who whine and bitch about not getting a PS3, or how they weren't allowed to go to the movies, and I find that to be funny. Maybe, it's one of the reasons that I continue to go through with things, because of the shear stupidity of people, and it's a huge entertainment source for me.

Never force yourself to be happy, rather, accept your pain and accept your sad, because when you accept things the way they are, they seem so insignificant to you.

When I'm sad, I don't think happy thoughts like most say, but I accept the fact that I am sad, and somehow, I'm able to distinguish between the reason I'm sad and the use of being sad. Then you realize that being sad wont change a darn thing and that gives you leverage to move on.

Yeah, people now a days are naive and stupid, but hey, that's how humans are and we can't do a thing to change it. Instead of looking at the negative side of it, I look at is as a source of amusement... and it tends to make things seem a lot easier.

Give what I said a try, if it doesn't work, then maybe you could ask someone you really trust for help. If you don't trust anyone, then the best solution is finding someone online who'd listen and give you support without you having to give them information that is way to personal. Just the basics would work.

Hope you work through everything, and I wish you best.


you know, that's exactly my problem. there's no one here who'd want to listen to me whine. i have friends but we're separated now since i entered college. which only makes a lot of things worse. and even if they were here for me to cheer me up once in a while, they really aren't that close enough to me to actually make me feel like they truly understand how i feel and act on their own initiative to treat me the way i truly wish to be treated. the big problem actually is my family. i used to be really...bad before---that impression of me lasts even until now. this is my problem. everyone won't give me a chance to prove myself. that i'm not all that bad. i've repented for my sins yet they wouldn't give me a chance. everyone AVOIDS me. imagine having no one to truly spend your time with. you could just imagine the loneliness and emptiness. and at the same time, you can't do anything about it. if they treat me unjustly, i stay quiet and eat all the harsh treatment because, like i said, i want to prove to them that i've truly changed. but i guess changing yourself does not really mean you could change the impression that people have of you. it's so hard not to have anyone to talk to about it. no one seems to care or notice. i cry a lot when i'm alone. sometimes i can't breathe anymore because it REALLY HURTS. it damn hurts. i feel like some dementor sucked my soul or something.

anyway, it's a good thing i somehow managed to get it off my chest a bit by posting here. it's sounds really corny and all, but whatever. phewwwww....
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Posted 2/7/09

brogits wrote:


AleeceNoTenshi wrote:

Well, I'm not sure what you're going through, but I've also got it pretty bad here. I can't say I understand what you're going through, but I can say that I understand your pain, even though it's not likely to be coming from a similar source.

My life's real complicated as well, yet, somehow, I haven't considered suicide as an option. I've got friends who whine and bitch about not getting a PS3, or how they weren't allowed to go to the movies, and I find that to be funny. Maybe, it's one of the reasons that I continue to go through with things, because of the shear stupidity of people, and it's a huge entertainment source for me.

Never force yourself to be happy, rather, accept your pain and accept your sad, because when you accept things the way they are, they seem so insignificant to you.

When I'm sad, I don't think happy thoughts like most say, but I accept the fact that I am sad, and somehow, I'm able to distinguish between the reason I'm sad and the use of being sad. Then you realize that being sad wont change a darn thing and that gives you leverage to move on.

Yeah, people now a days are naive and stupid, but hey, that's how humans are and we can't do a thing to change it. Instead of looking at the negative side of it, I look at is as a source of amusement... and it tends to make things seem a lot easier.

Give what I said a try, if it doesn't work, then maybe you could ask someone you really trust for help. If you don't trust anyone, then the best solution is finding someone online who'd listen and give you support without you having to give them information that is way to personal. Just the basics would work.

Hope you work through everything, and I wish you best.


you know, that's exactly my problem. there's no one here who'd want to listen to me whine. i have friends but we're separated now since i entered college. which only makes a lot of things worse. and even if they were here for me to cheer me up once in a while, they really aren't that close enough to me to actually make me feel like they truly understand how i feel and act on their own initiative to treat me the way i truly wish to be treated. the big problem actually is my family. i used to be really...bad before---that impression of me lasts even until now. this is my problem. everyone won't give me a chance to prove myself. that i'm not all that bad. i've repented for my sins yet they wouldn't give me a chance. everyone AVOIDS me. imagine having no one to truly spend your time with. you could just imagine the loneliness and emptiness. and at the same time, you can't do anything about it. if they treat me unjustly, i stay quiet and eat all the harsh treatment because, like i said, i want to prove to them that i've truly changed. but i guess changing yourself does not really mean you could change the impression that people have of you. it's so hard not to have anyone to talk to about it. no one seems to care or notice. i cry a lot when i'm alone. sometimes i can't breathe anymore because it REALLY HURTS. it damn hurts. i feel like some dementor sucked my soul or something.

anyway, it's a good thing i somehow managed to get it off my chest a bit by posting here. it's sounds really corny and all, but whatever. phewwwww....


And since you're in college you can start anew, make a new impression through college, it's like your second chance. Give your family sometime, I know... time sounds really aggravating, but it's just something that's unavoidable.

It must hurt, the problem with my family is that my mom is Eurasian and my dad is African, so you can tell that I get a lot of shit from both sides of my family. What's funny is that my mom was raised in Africa XD

It really does piss me off, I feel like an outcast from both side, but hey... I've moved on. If they both want to b***h about how different I am from them, they can shove it.

Just wait, they'll eventually see that you've changed, maybe not now, may take a while, but mostly because your still 17 (which is what your profile say's) they think you're still at that stage, or rather they sense as though this is you trying to get them back... so you can continue being as bad as you were before with them not being aware, kind of a defense mechanism.

Not corny, it's pretty typical, lots of people are dealing with something similar.
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Loneliness does hurt, I used to cry and do bad things when I felt lonely, I even felt jealous of others who were having fun and had friends. I know that God is with me though and that He loves me with all His Heart. I also know that loneliness doesn't always last forever, I have an amazing relationship with my best friend and with God.loneliness for me isn't being separate from people, its people not loving me, which i know is a lie.
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tofu330 wrote:

i died and then was brought back by docters.......when i tried to hang myself......they shoulda let me die


life is precious man, take this incident as god has given you another chance to live. what happened? (just curious)
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DaExterminator wrote:


tofu330 wrote:

i died and then was brought back by docters.......when i tried to hang myself......they shoulda let me die


life is precious man, take this incident as god has given you another chance to live. what happened? (just curious)


the girl i loved died....
its a crushing feeling..........
dont let it happen to ur special person........
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tofu330 wrote:


DaExterminator wrote:


tofu330 wrote:

i died and then was brought back by docters.......when i tried to hang myself......they shoulda let me die


life is precious man, take this incident as god has given you another chance to live. what happened? (just curious)


the girl i loved died....
its a crushing feeling..........
dont let it happen to ur special person........


yeah, im lucky enough that it hasnt happened to me and i havent really fallen in love with anyone yet, just like.
but dont worry! i bet your gf would want you to move on and be happy she must have asked god to give you another chance to live. besides, you're 15, like me XD, you're still young and you have a whole bright furture ahead of ya! and then you'll think back and you would thank those doctors who saved your life
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Posted 2/7/09

DaExterminator wrote:


tofu330 wrote:


DaExterminator wrote:


tofu330 wrote:

i died and then was brought back by docters.......when i tried to hang myself......they shoulda let me die


life is precious man, take this incident as god has given you another chance to live. what happened? (just curious)


the girl i loved died....
its a crushing feeling..........
dont let it happen to ur special person........


yeah, im lucky enough that it hasnt happened to me and i havent really fallen in love with anyone yet, just like.
but dont worry! i bet your gf would want you to move on and be happy she must have asked god to give you another chance to live. besides, you're 15, like me XD, you're still young and you have a whole bright furture ahead of ya! and then you'll think back and you would thank those doctors who saved your life :)



if and wen u do protect that person.......i hate those docters.......btw god doesnt exist.....if he did exist he/she wouldnt let 1 live and the other die......its just cruel......
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