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Trust leads to a better friendship
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33 / M / Bahrain - a small...
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Posted 3/11/08 , edited 3/11/08
"Talking about experience here"

So I go to work everyday, make a nice coffee and do my daily job, ofcourse I do other jobs that are not assigned to me but thats optional, no one asking me to do it, yet I still do it because I like extra work anyway =P

Sadly, I heard one of my many friends working in the same company saying: "man, I cant trust my big brother". I asked frankly (giving I know the guy too well) and said: "Why cant you trust him?" and I got the lamest respond ever; he said: "hmm I think cuz he doesnt trust me either".

So whats this all about? why is it so complicated? why cant that guy (or possible others) trust people? why is it that hard for someone to trust another?

Its never hard in fact, its too easy, costless to try in simple matters, also sometimes trusting in someone might not lead to the desired results, it deeply changes us, lemme tell you some simple rules to trust:


1) I had a friend that is always late, giving lame excuses each time without anyone even asking for a reason, trusting him more and more while also telling him not to give me an excuse if hes late, he changed, now hes a totally different guy (I never showed myself disgusted in front of him when hes late, nor getting angry at him, simply just smile and act nice, I blindly believed in him that he will change).

2) women are rare to trust in guys where I live, the only trust a guy can get is when he becomes a husband here, yet by giving attention and care, one of the girls got used to following whatever I say, trust is the best antidote for any friendship, no matter how others think, it can change with trust, trust others and they trust you back.

3) trust doesnt satisfy a crime, though am known to trust strangers by nature, one of many friends I know tried attempting to steal something while me on watch, I simply told him not to do it by whispering, he shortly apologized.. if I acted differently, he was gonna be punished heavily. so my trust to him resulted in him trusting me even with committing a bad act.

4) "dont make enemies" is another way for you to gain more friends to trust, it is easy to make friends out of enemies, its very hard to make an enemy, its all in your hands, its as simple as that, be social, learn some manners and watch what you say, less talk sometimes means less errors in your speech, misunderstanding is no problem among friends, you just have to be careful if the person is still neutral (meaning you just met). As for me, my enemies equal to zero, and thats something to be proud about.

5) no matter how many times your trust fails, it cant be too much, no matter how many times it backfires, keep at it, you might be doing something wrong, even so, by simply repeating it, you will naturally get better at it, its 100% a no-lose, worth believing in trust than only trusting your family or few close friends, worse is working your life alone.

6) dont just trust others with stuff, in order for this to work, they need to trust you as well, make sure you dont screw up, screwing 1 out of 5 is kinda acceptable, one will never ask too much of you, gaining trust is a one-time issue, after you strengthen the bond of friendship, you dont have to worry too much about trust, yet still not totally forget about it.

7) believe in yourself, trust your own abilities to the point where you are the key to every friendship, be the key, let people believe your the key, however, dont blame others for the bad results you get out of trusting them, only think it was you who were not good enough to improve this friendship and try harder next times (by doing so, you will improve your way of thinking, instead of keeping your mind frozen/closed and just blame others for your failures, always try to evolve/advance and change your methods whenever you get bad results).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


oh well, people complain about others they cant trust, with some effort, we change, the best line I ever heard is in a movie, someone saying: "I trust you with my life", now thats a nice thing to hear from a friend, it will make me feel important (and happy no doubt), do you feel your important? even if your friends dont treasure you now, its not too late to shine, only you can make your friendships better, dont wait for others to do it for you, nor leave it to luck, be courageous and make the first step, or you might just die in vain.

"Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer" (trust wise) ^_^





NOTE: If you have anything else to add, be my guest. Also, you may post your own experience and share it with us (that doesnt mean we will solve it for you, only you can be the key to your own friendships, so post for the sake of sharing only, we learn from experience after all) but stay on topic please. Thanks in advance.
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27 / アメリカ
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Posted 3/11/08
What is with people and their excessive need to make the text colorful!? Well my gfs lack of trust caused me to break up with her.
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69 / M / Limbo
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Posted 3/11/08
Trust no one
Posted 3/11/08
you have to be cautious who you place your trust in or the consequences can be damaging.
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Posted 3/11/08
No wonder why all my relationships with anyone suck

I dont trust anyone.
I've never had a boyfriend from trust issues from fear that they are just using me
Well, besides the point no one has ever had a crush on me

Even friends, I think they are just using me, then throw me away when they are done with me
So in the end, I'm better off just not trusting anyone
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28 / M / A series of tubes
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Posted 3/11/08
The reason someone might not trust you is probably because you have a history of being untrustworthy. Its not their problem its you.
Posted 3/11/08
i trust some people... i get upset if they lie..T^T;;;
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33 / M / Bahrain - a small...
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Posted 3/11/08
sypris>> sorry if you dont like the colors, I made it like that cuz its long, so ppl dont just get bored and stop reading.

DRO1>> am sorry you believe so, though you sure trust a family member? close friends are counted as well, dont you think you trust those?

JuliaRhys>> yes, thats true, that is why I said "costless to try in simple matters", you can test anyone with simple tasks, send a kid with money to buy you a candy, if he stole it then.. lol, you know what I mean (you can test anyone with other costless methods ^^;).

n_n303>> thanks for Quoting I guess, exactly what I wanted to say for DRO1, or close hehe ^^;

KagoBon>> giving up is the easy way out, and probably not the best option, you need to stand out, be needed, grab your friends, dont let go, if it helps, do a deed for another, so its like a trade now, not being used. think high of your friends, select carefully though, you can always start a new page, thats alright too, as long as you continue and keep trying.

jmsberg>> thanks for participating. thats true, though people can change as I mentioned, even with a bad record, its not impossible to make friends that trust you and you can trust them as well.

lauyiling>> it is easy to have problems, having problems only means that no one cares, or no one is trying enough to make things work, they just risk it and think there is always next times for luck. friendship is endless, a relationship will last till one side or both dont care anymore, thats why most relationships end, but people dont screw up in friendships because they know, if my lil bro hates and doesnt trust me, there is no replacement for him, there is no other lil brothers I can find, as far as relationships go, dump 1 girl and get 2 more new girls instead, so the motive is pretty much weak.
That is why most of the relationships that are based on a friendship becomes successful, because both sides gave it their all, or at least one tried his/her all for this to work.

chocuqueen>> its good you do trust some, there are reasons to lie, whatever is the reason, its bad to tell a lie, maybe if you try harder then they trust you more and stop lying? (assuming your the key to all your friendships, surely there must be a way to solve this, talking this out is a possible solution). I had one friend promising me not to lie to me, he had his reasons though but now we are cool.
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116 / F / SMILY♥LAND
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Posted 3/11/08
It does. Once I didn't trust my best friend instead believed this one girl. She was telling me these things that my best friend supposedly said and I got mad. My best friend told me she didn't say anything and I didn't believe her. So now, we're not best friends. ): I seem to trust guys more than girls. My recent best friends are all guys.
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31 / M / dubai, dubai uae
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Posted 3/11/08
like duh!!!!! how could u be friends when you cant trust him..
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aceeasi Londra
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Posted 3/11/08
yeah right ...u give them all(trust ,care,support etc)..and they will take u as a fool...
i've been there so many times..i'm sick of it...
maybe i'm wrong but i know i'm not..usually i give them a chance to prove me that they deserve my trust and frendship..there is no second chance from my part...
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33 / M / Bahrain - a small...
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Posted 3/12/08

HiyokeSadame wrote:

I trust others.. but in the end I was the one being deceived..


I had a fast look at your profile, am copying this and hope you dont mind>>

About me: First of all.. some may want to know if I'm literally blind or not.. I'm not. I have never realize everything is there.. I have never realize what I have been doing , the term "blind" came in.. I started asking myself.. "Am I blind?" "Why can't I see things in different perspective , why don't I realize that everyone around me is caring for me?" I am blind.. I knew it.. blind to that extent that I have been ignoring the love and care everyone has been giving me. When I finally came into realization.. is too late.. too late for tears.. too late for apology.. everyone has left me.. deserted me. I who used to stand with beloved.. trustworthy friends.. now stands alone in silence.. loneliness..
I don't really expect people to believe what I said.. but.. I have an advice to everyone.. realization is important.. realize before is too late.


if thats really what you are then.. does that mean you gave up already? if people care for you then shouldnt it be easier to gain their trust? also your too young to give up, 13y old, thats too young to get enough experience too, I advise you keep trying, try harder.. like I said, its never a waste of time to do so, it changes your future and make it better son, dont fear others and dont face their kindness by closing up your heart, study their actions better, know what they really think of you, dont misunderstand at all, try to accept even if its little gain, its for your own benefit after all.

getting deceived is not really the case, your case is more or less close to rule number 7, dont blame others, nor blame yourself, strive for better friendships and work hard for them, its a one-time go, its too easy to do than give up, trust me bro.

Just one more thing to add before I complete my reply for you.. your profile page is kinda sad, I would change it for something more cheerful for a start dont you think? ^^ (no offense)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mumii wrote:

It does. Once I didn't trust my best friend instead believed this one girl. She was telling me these things that my best friend supposedly said and I got mad. My best friend told me she didn't say anything and I didn't believe her. So now, we're not best friends. ): I seem to trust guys more than girls. My recent best friends are all guys.


your case is more like>> Trust VS Trust, so believing in a side means not believing in the other, this is a tough situation, especially if both sides are friends you know too well, if I was in your shoes, I might let it slip once, maybe ask for some evidence next time just to prevent picking a side (in case there is no way to find the truth other than through others). if the matter is too simple like just talking badly behind someone, I would react with: "its fine, I dont care. if anyone has anything to say to me, he or she can say it face2face =D", that reaction will make your friends see you as cool and respect you more naturally, so that way you win no matter what hehe =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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33 / M / Bahrain - a small...
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Posted 3/12/08

alexya4u wrote:

yeah right ...u give them all(trust ,care,support etc)..and they will take u as a fool...
i've been there so many times..i'm sick of it...
maybe i'm wrong but i know i'm not..usually i give them a chance to prove me that they deserve my trust and frendship..there is no second chance from my part...


lol, now thats what my friend back at school used to say, but he changed, the "fool" part is a feeling, illusion created by mind by the person him/herself as an excuse to stop trying their best, it IS possible to get that kind of response I know, but it shouldnt be a dead end for you, it should be more of a reason to keep this up, note that your the coolest in any of those situations you have been in, stop trying is ok, but less cooler than not giving up if you know what am saying ^_^ people do change, 1 time might not work with others, but 3 surely will move their emotions, dont you think? =)
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27 / F / USA
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Posted 3/12/08
i find it hard to trust people...i myslef am very trustworthy...the problem is that i already know no one in the world is like me
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28 / M / Comatose in the B...
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Posted 3/12/08
I don't understand why you would trust anyone. I mean, what is trust anyways? Talking with folks about personal matters? Relying on others? Being open about negative things? I get the impression that most folks I know wouldn't want to hear about my personal dilemmas. Plus, if you're open with people, tell them how you really feel about things, your opinions, your plans, etc, that gives them a certain degree of power over you. There's no reason to disclose any of these internal discourses, you know? I mean, if I tell someone else about my frustrations, emotions, etc, it's not going to do me any practical, utilitarian good, and it will just mean that the person I'm talking to now has privileged knowledge about me, which 1) gives them the right to act and think differently towards me than what my more objectively perceived, outward appearance suggests, and 2) makes a situation that can be used against me. If it's a matter of belief, trusting others' honesty, well, I think it's dangerous to take things for granted. I think people in general are honest, but everyone has occasional lapses, and even if their record is spotless, catching them at a moment of ethical weakness could be disastrous. everyone has their own rational faculties. I think it's better to take everything with a grain of salt and make no actions on your own part until you confirm things for yourself. I mean, that's really the only way to ensure safety, right? I have yet to see a convincing argument for trust.
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