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Trust leads to a better friendship
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25 / M / Stamford, CT
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Posted 3/12/08
it depends on how far your trust can go..also what do you think defines or makes you realize what makes you trust one another!
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Posted 3/12/08

nrfb wrote:
1- was that work? (meaning, did you get paid to do so?)
2- if its not work-related, then.. why bother doing something for free that you dont know about?
3- the scenario you typed, most likely happens in movies only, there is no such thing as secret organizations, and if there was, would "you" (your 18y old now so.. you prolly did this at 18 or even younger) be the one to "deliver" this top secret letter?
4- I mean really, you can open and read it anytime, whats stopping you? you had a camera on you all the time lol?
5- what other anime based jokes of scenario can you come up with? (no offense, its just funny IMO)


1. Nope, that was not intended to be related to work.
2. That was just an act of kindness. I don't see why one should not help out a friend unquestionably.
3. No secret organisation or any of the sort was intended but as I didn't say it wasn't there go ahead and think of it as you like (although I don't know where you got that from..). As anything else posted in this thread are speculations of the human mind and feelings, see my text as one too. Read the text as it is. Assume anything you want. It is just hypothetically.
4. And trust has nothing to do with it? If a friend entrusts me with something apparently important, seeing as I can't read it, I personally would want to reward that by abiding her/his wishes. This in turn results in a better relationship and maybe next time I can ask a favour. This sounds selfish but humans, although not (and can't, probably) proven, need to feed their ego.
5. This was not a joke at all. I don't know everything about human behaviour, and I certainly didn't post this because I wanted to give a heads-up to anyone either. Frankly I'm not to keen on knowing if my post had an impact on someone. People explore the surface of words and feelings when they instead could dive and find a deeper meaning in things.


My text wasn't fiction at all (although fiction does contain real facts). I didn't mention what the letter said. It is a letter. Think of the possibilities. In therapy you usually leave a file to the therapist and maybe that is what I took care of.
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28 / z
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Posted 3/12/08
You shouldn't fully trust someone,
Theres different types of Trust. for example. "I trust that you won't steal anything from my room" and "I trust you with my life"..
Trusting someone fully is for idiots.
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27 / M / sacramento
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Posted 3/12/08
this topic is so deep , i think u cant live without trust, and u cant live with too much trust on ppl, cuz then they would jst take advantage of you...
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22 / M / Somewhere
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Posted 3/12/08
Just trust people but at the same time keep alert that they might turn against you :3 You must expect the unexpected! XD Get some cat like reflexes and you're good to go XD
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33 / M / Bahrain - a small...
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Posted 3/13/08
^ for all above.
You all got a point, you dont fully trust one unless you guarantee the trust wont backfire.
You all think of the slight chance of being betrayed as an excuse not to fully trust or try to reach that level of trust with someone.

Also the backfires can hurt you badly sometimes I know, but it wont happen again once you know what your doing. And like I said, trust doesnt justify crime, when you do a deed that is suspicious (meaning, it could be dangerous or bad), you simply will refuse most of the time unless you extremely blindly trust that person, which is reaching the top level of trust, then you will go deliver that sealed letter without asking or seeing the letter lol..


Doom-Desire
Money is another thing I never lend to friends, not because its valuable, but if you think of it carefully, it will clearly makes you superior, and you dont want to have followers as friends, you want them to be equal to yourself. the only money-related situations I experience are really rare, and usually in a group, so if I dont get paid back, that friend will have to depart the whole group, not just leave me, also another money related stuff we do is>> we go out alot sometimes, so we make turns, for example, this night, I pay for dinner, next time we go out, another one pay for dinner, till it circles and come back to me (1 paying for all of us I mean).

For all who mentioned about levels of trust
True, full trust is hard to gain outside the family, but its still possible and achievable. I trusted an online friend in some online games, he could have stolen from me so many times, yet he never did it, we simply fully trust each other, yet we didnt meet even once in real life, and thats because our personalities are kinda similiar, he and I trust people by default and strive to build up our friendships =) (I think you got the idea).

Oh, and for all above again! hehe
I thank you for participating in this topic ^_^
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28 / M
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Posted 3/13/08
I have huge trust issues. Here are some of my past experiences which may be quite lengthy.



The moral of the story: There is no such thing as a best friend.
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33 / M / Bahrain - a small...
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Posted 3/16/08

haotehmao wrote:

I have huge trust issues. Here are some of my past experiences which may be quite lengthy.



The moral of the story: There is no such thing as a best friend.


Ok, this is similar to my reply on a member, I will repeat it for you below (so you dont have to go back and search for it, others who read it, can skip it)>>



alright, so it should be easier for you to understand what am gonna say now...

Reply on Experience #1
"she became someone I don't know."
am not sure what you meant with that? the only thing I can understand from this is that all people can change, its not necessarily a bad thing, it can be good too.

"The very essence of what made her my best friend was lost."
alright then, what could be the support of your friendship? was it that weak for it to last after her gaining a new friend? when you say "she found a boyfriend", thats more of a relationship, if you see that girl as a friend, and she sees you as a friend, and that other person is more like a "boyfriend" (that she might love and marry), then where is the problem here? unless you have feelings for that girl? then eventually there will be problems. otherwise, its nothing hard to still be the girl's best friend and get to befriend her new boyfriend when she allows it and thinks its time for you guys to see each other.

1 thing to clear here, you CANT and NEVER can keep a girl away from guys, no matter how she trusts you, if its friendship, then nothing stopping her from meeting with new guys (every girl wants to marry in the end, few exceptionals possible but am talking majority here), if its relationship, then it can succeed OR fail, these are all outcomes, so whichever you pick, you can only blame the girl if she attempted to dump you first, but if your friendship ended cuz of a fight that you started with her or cuz you dont like her new boyfriend, then your the one who ended that friendship, not her, also if you had more of a relationship with her and simply failed for a reason that made her go search for other boys or whatever (note that RELATIONSHIP is not our subject, so am not gonna talk in details about it, so lets leave it at that, by now, you should get the point by reading the above).

Reply on Experience #2
"things started to get messy."
ok... what got messy? exactly, what are the things you were doing in that group? what was the purpose of it?
well.. for things getting messy means doing illegal stuff or what lol? please explain, also.. every group lasts as long as there is interest in gathering up, if for example, I join a soccer team that after 2years started playing basketball instead, I might quit, cuz my interest in joining the group was to play soccer, and now the group is not doing it, so groups getting disbanded is a normal thing to happen, there are lots of reasons, the trust between the members can end but it can continue as well, so you see, disbanding a group is not the direct excuse here.

"They started hating each other and I was the only one on the neutral side."
did you say hate, is this group based on friendships or relationships? again.. what happened? there must be a reason for "things" going messy and for friends to "hate", you said your "on the neutral side.".. was that all? did you try to solve this? were you capable of doing so and did or didnt? if you tried your best to solve this, out of the 15 in the group, how many tried supporting you to solve the problem(s)? dont tell me you were the only one trying for the group cuz that only means the bonds in that group was TOO weak, I still dont see how this group got formed in the first place, and no matter how I look at what you typed in this experience, I cant believe the level of trust in a group consisted of 15 people can be that low, surely there is something important you didnt mention, no one can judge on your experience if its missing out some info, as to what was the reason for the fight in the first place?

Reply on Experience #3
... Oh, My, God... I can clearly say your in the wrong here, I dont have to even MEET the girl and check whats her personality like to know whos wrong in this case.

"comfort pillow"
I cant believe you actually typed this.. is that really how you feel when you serve a person so close to you that you consider a friend? do you BELIEVE so? whats wrong with you being so important to her that she finds no one but you to solve her problems? do you want more than that? if so then its SIMPLE.. like all friendships (and also relationship), you can simply ask favors on your side, try to reach for her more, plan things, find more about her, get to grab her closer and closer to you, there is no such thing as a ONE-WAY friendship, hell no.. I cant believe it was that hard for you to build up this friendship, if anyone will come to me for example, and asks me for help everytime I see him/her, then it should be easier to start a strong friendship with that person than eating donuts (ever saw Doctor Phil's show?).. omg I cant believe this.. do you really think she was wrong here, what about all the members reading haotehmao's post? I mean its totally clear that either, you didnt try enough/your best, or there is some missing info you forgot to mention or didnt want to type.

I help my friends all the time, and I do it because it makes me happy, I never thought of it as being a "comfort pillow" for someone, you dont have to be called to pay attention, be the one to call, reach for your friends man.. also telling a friend to go cry with a stranger is like a totally big insult (and its a girl too...), your clearly lacking in dealing with others, thats not wrong on its own, however, giving up and staying as you are without trying to get better at it is wrong, and learn to value your friends, whatever a friend says (even if your not friends anymore) is not crap, or do you believe you were helping up with crap issues from the start?

watch and learn from others, you can try to get better on your own with practice, even if your the worst at it right now, your still a human, your capable of becoming better no matter what
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The moral of the story: There is no such thing as a best friend."
^ this line is like saying "The Sun is green", though everyone can see it clearly, its not green. same for what you typed, you can always find best friends on streets, and you know well, that not all of them end up being separated. you just typed a line that you, yourself, dont fully believe in it (or just never experienced the opposite of it so far in your life, but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist, other people already saw it).

My advice to you, learn some approaching methods, no one is born with the same knowledge, and no one is perfect, yet no one should give up only because he/she started horribly (thats no excuse, thats just running away and taking the nearest exit out). Never runaway from your problems, face them with enough courage and try to learn as much as possible from experiences, always question yourself: "why did this fail?", and always try to end up with the answer: "its because I did this, I should have done that", keeping this up, will highly increase your way of thinking, and more importantly, it will be a positive way of thinking. Believe you can change the outcome as you please, you just need more experiences to get better outcomes in the future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do not misunderstand, all I typed above was to support you (no offense at all)
Thanks for participating, it took me alot of time to reply on you lol.. but that makes me happy I guess ^^;
(sorry if my reply is late, I usually work my day off, sometimes I cant even check CR for days)

here is a smiley face for you
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23 / F / homewood
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Posted 3/16/08
You really can't trust anyone just like that, even if it is your brother. I kinda have trouble trusting anyone from school.
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F / Laguna
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Posted 3/16/08
yeah.. this is true if you trust ur friends.. although you trust someday he/she will betray your trust.. so sometimes its hard to trust a friend..
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24 / F / Philippine, Parañ...
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Posted 3/16/08

Sukumi wrote:

yeah.. this is true if you trust ur friends.. although you trust someday he/she will betray your trust.. so sometimes its hard to trust a friend..


is that so... *chuckle* i quite agree though in my case... i suffered a lot of friendship betrayal since childhood thought my best friend today is trying to prove me wrong... funny isn't it im pretty confuse as it is... hahaha i must be really afraid to get hurt again im such a coward... such a stupid excuse me wearing a smile each day... but i manage to have friends but im not as open as much as before though...
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25 / M / 哈哈哈//\\哈哈哈
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Posted 3/16/08
i have some trust issue as well. but i do trust, just a small group of friends.
its true to trust ur friends through all thick and thin but some thing's are better left unspoken, agreed?
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33 / M / Bahrain - a small...
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Posted 3/16/08

redsoadfan wrote:

You really can't trust anyone just like that, even if it is your brother. I kinda have trouble trusting anyone from school.


My brother is still the same as any friend outside the family, the only difference is that my brother knows too much about me, not gaining the trust of someone who knows you too well is more like avoiding a member in your family. No one likes to do that, and sure I cant trust anyone in my family because I worked hard to be reliable enough for them to trust me =D

gaining the trust of your family is much much easier than a friend, though I agree with you, I can tell my bro anything I want to, but I choose what to tell my friends (outside the family).

Thanks for participating!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sukumi wrote:

yeah.. this is true if you trust ur friends.. although you trust someday he/she will betray your trust.. so sometimes its hard to trust a friend..


well yeah, we do our own part, sometimes we fail, but we are still cool as long as we continue trying, be it with the same persons or new people, no shame in being betrayed and trying again, its best to do it slowly, because most of the time, speeding the friendship up results in failing it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

rei_16 wrote:


Sukumi wrote:

yeah.. this is true if you trust ur friends.. although you trust someday he/she will betray your trust.. so sometimes its hard to trust a friend..


is that so... *chuckle* i quite agree though in my case... i suffered a lot of friendship betrayal since childhood thought my best friend today is trying to prove me wrong... funny isn't it im pretty confuse as it is... hahaha i must be really afraid to get hurt again im such a coward... such a stupid excuse me wearing a smile each day... but i manage to have friends but im not as open as much as before though...


am sure your getting better at it eventually, I too, used to suck bad, I was hotheaded with other kids at schools, and too shy to even talk to girls, totally the opposite of me now, it wasnt a new program installed inside me, nor a book I studied, simply I managed to get better at making friends and gaining their trust.

I had few who betrayed me, in fact, some were real close to me, but I reacted wrong, later, maybe about 5 years ago, I tried the unthinkable, I searched for a lead and finally found them, they all got separated (well, it was a group, not just 1 friend), I gathered them up again, I revived the group, I surpassed all of them, for the sake of bringing us back (I didnt do it to brag), you can imagine how happy all of us seeing each others after a long time. I really cant describe it using words.
So even after breaking up, it was possible for all of us to rejoice (the reason for breaking up was something simple, too stupid to end a friendship cuz of it, but as I said we were all young, some of us did a mistake, time passed and all just forgot about it, now they are all friends again ^_^), sure some of us matured, age/experience really affects friendships (sometimes directly).

Thanks for participating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LinWenWen wrote:

I have some trust issue as well. but i do trust, just a small group of friends.
its true to trust ur friends through all thick and thin but some thing's are better left unspoken, agreed?


hopefully that small group of friends gets bigger in the future
yeah, I agree.. for example, you cant tell a friend about another friend's secret (even if you trust him/her), its called a secret for a reason lol.. and it will end with a disaster if that secret somehow got exposed.
I have a phobia, no matter how brave I am now, bugs always scare me, something happened when I was small but I wont say no more =P also I never told any of my friends about this, and dont try to find out my real life personality just to go tell my friends about this cuz it will take you forever hahahaha

Thanks for participating
welook 
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23 / M / havent u noticed...
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Posted 3/16/08
or a marriage is ya catch my drift
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28 / M
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Posted 3/17/08

nrfb wrote:

Reply on Experience #1
"she became someone I don't know."
am not sure what you meant with that? the only thing I can understand from this is that all people can change, its not necessarily a bad thing, it can be good too.

"The very essence of what made her my best friend was lost."
alright then, what could be the support of your friendship? was it that weak for it to last after her gaining a new friend? when you say "she found a boyfriend", thats more of a relationship, if you see that girl as a friend, and she sees you as a friend, and that other person is more like a "boyfriend" (that she might love and marry), then where is the problem here? unless you have feelings for that girl? then eventually there will be problems. otherwise, its nothing hard to still be the girl's best friend and get to befriend her new boyfriend when she allows it and thinks its time for you guys to see each other.

1 thing to clear here, you CANT and NEVER can keep a girl away from guys, no matter how she trusts you, if its friendship, then nothing stopping her from meeting with new guys (every girl wants to marry in the end, few exceptionals possible but am talking majority here), if its relationship, then it can succeed OR fail, these are all outcomes, so whichever you pick, you can only blame the girl if she attempted to dump you first, but if your friendship ended cuz of a fight that you started with her or cuz you dont like her new boyfriend, then your the one who ended that friendship, not her, also if you had more of a relationship with her and simply failed for a reason that made her go search for other boys or whatever (note that RELATIONSHIP is not our subject, so am not gonna talk in details about it, so lets leave it at that, by now, you should get the point by reading the above).

Reply on Experience #2
"things started to get messy."
ok... what got messy? exactly, what are the things you were doing in that group? what was the purpose of it?
well.. for things getting messy means doing illegal stuff or what lol? please explain, also.. every group lasts as long as there is interest in gathering up, if for example, I join a soccer team that after 2years started playing basketball instead, I might quit, cuz my interest in joining the group was to play soccer, and now the group is not doing it, so groups getting disbanded is a normal thing to happen, there are lots of reasons, the trust between the members can end but it can continue as well, so you see, disbanding a group is not the direct excuse here.

"They started hating each other and I was the only one on the neutral side."
did you say hate, is this group based on friendships or relationships? again.. what happened? there must be a reason for "things" going messy and for friends to "hate", you said your "on the neutral side.".. was that all? did you try to solve this? were you capable of doing so and did or didnt? if you tried your best to solve this, out of the 15 in the group, how many tried supporting you to solve the problem(s)? dont tell me you were the only one trying for the group cuz that only means the bonds in that group was TOO weak, I still dont see how this group got formed in the first place, and no matter how I look at what you typed in this experience, I cant believe the level of trust in a group consisted of 15 people can be that low, surely there is something important you didnt mention, no one can judge on your experience if its missing out some info, as to what was the reason for the fight in the first place?

Reply on Experience #3
... Oh, My, God... I can clearly say your in the wrong here, I dont have to even MEET the girl and check whats her personality like to know whos wrong in this case.

"comfort pillow"
I cant believe you actually typed this.. is that really how you feel when you serve a person so close to you that you consider a friend? do you BELIEVE so? whats wrong with you being so important to her that she finds no one but you to solve her problems? do you want more than that? if so then its SIMPLE.. like all friendships (and also relationship), you can simply ask favors on your side, try to reach for her more, plan things, find more about her, get to grab her closer and closer to you, there is no such thing as a ONE-WAY friendship, hell no.. I cant believe it was that hard for you to build up this friendship, if anyone will come to me for example, and asks me for help everytime I see him/her, then it should be easier to start a strong friendship with that person than eating donuts (ever saw Doctor Phil's show?).. omg I cant believe this.. do you really think she was wrong here, what about all the members reading haotehmao's post? I mean its totally clear that either, you didnt try enough/your best, or there is some missing info you forgot to mention or didnt want to type.

I help my friends all the time, and I do it because it makes me happy, I never thought of it as being a "comfort pillow" for someone, you dont have to be called to pay attention, be the one to call, reach for your friends man.. also telling a friend to go cry with a stranger is like a totally big insult (and its a girl too...), your clearly lacking in dealing with others, thats not wrong on its own, however, giving up and staying as you are without trying to get better at it is wrong, and learn to value your friends, whatever a friend says (even if your not friends anymore) is not crap, or do you believe you were helping up with crap issues from the start?

watch and learn from others, you can try to get better on your own with practice, even if your the worst at it right now, your still a human, your capable of becoming better no matter what
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The moral of the story: There is no such thing as a best friend."
^ this line is like saying "The Sun is green", though everyone can see it clearly, its not green. same for what you typed, you can always find best friends on streets, and you know well, that not all of them end up being separated. you just typed a line that you, yourself, dont fully believe in it (or just never experienced the opposite of it so far in your life, but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist, other people already saw it).

My advice to you, learn some approaching methods, no one is born with the same knowledge, and no one is perfect, yet no one should give up only because he/she started horribly (thats no excuse, thats just running away and taking the nearest exit out). Never runaway from your problems, face them with enough courage and try to learn as much as possible from experiences, always question yourself: "why did this fail?", and always try to end up with the answer: "its because I did this, I should have done that", keeping this up, will highly increase your way of thinking, and more importantly, it will be a positive way of thinking. Believe you can change the outcome as you please, you just need more experiences to get better outcomes in the future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do not misunderstand, all I typed above was to support you (no offense at all)
Thanks for participating, it took me alot of time to reply on you lol.. but that makes me happy I guess ^^;
(sorry if my reply is late, I usually work my day off, sometimes I cant even check CR for days)

here is a smiley face for you


I've missed out some details because frankly I can't remember it that well. Nevertheless, I did try my best to develop the relationship like calling them up to ask how their day was and all that, but it felt like my efforts weren't getting through. I can't remember much more than that since I've been having other problems which are of higher concern as well (mainly financial issues). D: I really appreciate your efforts to help and I will try to reevaluate myself and improve on my social skills. Thanks!
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