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Is this a good anime storyline?? My original... Plz read
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25 / M / Philippines
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Posted 3/13/08 , edited 3/14/08
Chapter 1: The Scythe


He felt a searing pain in his leg.... The wolf bit him... John feared the worst... Wolves in this area are known to have Rabies... he took out his gun.
"You're dead!!!"He shouted.
He pulled the trigger. A ball of flame went out and hit the wolf in the head. It yelped, then fell to the ground, dead.
He lay beside a rock and started to think. It was hard, since his head was bleeding because of the fall earlier. He needed help. He heard footsteps moving towards him. Maybe it was a hunter.
"Who's there?" The "Hunter" said.
His voice sounded like a boy from his age.
"I need help." John said."A wolf attacked me."
The hunter seemed to be carrying a long stick.
"You killed the wolf?" He asked.
"Yes."John said weakly."Please....."
He was kicked at the chest. The hunter, thrust his stick at John's face. To John's horror, it was not a stick, but a Scythe. He held his gun, ready and waiting.
"Die."The hunter said, raising his scythe.
There was a gush of wind. A gunshot sound can be heard. The hunter knelt. John stood up and ran as fast as he can. He missed the head, but only hit the chest. He limped towards the bridge and he could see the city walls.
"Just a few more!!!"John exclaimed.
He heard wolves growling. He held his gun and aimed at them. He pulled the trigger for 5 times. His blurred vision made it quite hard. Nevertheless, he managed to hit 2 of the wolves. The last one pounced. With good reflexes, he twisted the pistola and hit the wolf with the hard, steel handle. He noticed a lick of flame coming from the pistol handle. The gates were just a few steps away.
He heard a shout from beyond the bridge. He could not recognize the words. The next thing he knew, he was thrown back, hit the grass and felt a portion of his back exposed. The pain was intense.
"You've got guts, I'll give you that." The hunter said, as he raised his scythe."Die."
Several shots were fired. It sounded more like a cluster Rifle.
It was Vorg, his foster father.
"Get away from him!"Vorg SHouted, firing more shots."John!!!"
He heard Vorg's footsteps. John Leo Heshirod knew it was over.....




The Hunter is described as a guy with white hair, has the Scythe of shadow, Wolf seal and the Power of Shadow.... lolzz.... I have an illustration of some of my characters(made by a friend) , but I wont post it, maybe many people will claim it as their own.... haha... I'll accept critcism of any sort!! well I need it actually!! haha... 160 pages of it already... it's been a year since I started...

List of Characters-main(male)
1.John Leo Heshirod(main)
2.Maximus Toniko
3.Vlade Kovakovich


Female
1. Zoendra Terryn Lyra
2. Anita Jade Abercrombie
3. Mimirrhia Lyra
4. Megumi Keori



there are a lot more.... lol....
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25 / M / Philippines
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Posted 3/13/08
please take ur time, tell me ur opinion please....!
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76 / edo
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Posted 3/13/08
need more suspense
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in heaven..... ^_^
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Posted 3/13/08
hmmmm.... can't imagine the scene.. without any illustrations... ^^
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Posted 3/13/08

sakuraLsasuke wrote:

need more suspense


.... sorry I just shortened it... it's quite long...
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25 / M / philippines,cavite
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Posted 3/13/08
me too hard to imagine
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23 / M / Australia
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Posted 3/13/08
i think its pretty good
and i can picture it all too
good job
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24 / F / Indonesia
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Posted 3/13/08
i can't imagine the story,, hehehe.
but i think it's a good story.
good job!
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Posted 3/13/08
imagination..........
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29 / M / im omnipresent......
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Posted 3/13/08
umm, is it about a scythe? the boy becoming a werewolf? you gotta kinda set the premise a little better.
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22 / F / under the pig sty...
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Posted 3/13/08
imagination , the best power..

perhaps you could intensify the situation, and it would be better it it was illustrated and made like an animation
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22 / F / :: AhIhI! In a HO...
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Posted 3/13/08
I actually like it ^^ Very imaginative! Well done! When I get ebough points things I'll type up one of my any uncompleted stories that ive written ^^~
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23 / M / 新加坡
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Posted 3/13/08
erm sounds good... so wad happens next?
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22 / F / :: AhIhI! In a HO...
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Posted 3/13/08
nyaaha! I nearly forgot! You should draw some of the characters!
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23 / M / singapore
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Posted 3/13/08
not bad ...
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