Post Reply Beauty Of Life
Member
9603 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
76 / M / Gravesend Neck Road
Offline
Posted 3/13/08 , edited 3/13/08
Burning time like fireflies

Showing all your hidden lies

Wanting to go i take steps to track

Curious and nervous with heart attack

What i will know might not be

To find out more I'll have to see

Are you my life to my self considered mind ?

Or am i just thinking like one of a kind ?

However this is i will go on the end

Treasuring what I learned from my time of sand

Looking back at how my life ran

End to middle remembering how it began







Member
4218 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Under the covers…...
Offline
Posted 3/13/08
this wuznt a bad poem...but im sry ta say that i just didnt feel much when i read it...practice on tha emphasis of tha words...make sure tha reader can really tell wut is happen...hav it where they can actually feel wut yur feelin...but overall it wuznt bad!!!
Member
3741 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F
Offline
Posted 3/21/08
This wasn't horrible, as static mentioned. Don't delete it, don't throw it away. Edit it. I can help you if youw ould like. It just needs some fixing up. maybe a little more word choice. You are just getting started so keep going.
You must be logged in to post.