Post Reply Beauty Of Life
9603 cr points
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77 / M / Gravesend Neck Road
Posted 3/13/08 , edited 3/13/08
Burning time like fireflies

Showing all your hidden lies

Wanting to go i take steps to track

Curious and nervous with heart attack

What i will know might not be

To find out more I'll have to see

Are you my life to my self considered mind ?

Or am i just thinking like one of a kind ?

However this is i will go on the end

Treasuring what I learned from my time of sand

Looking back at how my life ran

End to middle remembering how it began

4218 cr points
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25 / M / Under the covers…...
Posted 3/13/08
this wuznt a bad poem...but im sry ta say that i just didnt feel much when i read it...practice on tha emphasis of tha words...make sure tha reader can really tell wut is happen...hav it where they can actually feel wut yur feelin...but overall it wuznt bad!!!
3741 cr points
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Posted 3/21/08
This wasn't horrible, as static mentioned. Don't delete it, don't throw it away. Edit it. I can help you if youw ould like. It just needs some fixing up. maybe a little more word choice. You are just getting started so keep going.
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