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Episode 1, The Awakening
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Posted 3/16/08 , edited 4/16/08
(To be continued, lol)

Dont stop now, lol. I hear they get better as they go on.

Posted 3/16/08 , edited 4/24/08
can the girls name be Rin^_^
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Posted 3/16/08 , edited 4/24/08
Lol, ummm. I didnt really consider that one. I will add it in th poll with the finalists. Vote in the polls i already have please.
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Posted 3/16/08 , edited 4/24/08
Sounds good albeit a bit short for one episode. Two things. One, don't like the knife too much. Vampire with a knife sounds uncool, fangs and claws sound much better. Two, don't use gas leak in a nuclear power plant. If they serve nuclear power to a whole city they should use it themselves.

Very good though. Interesting. Somehow, it kinda reminds me of busou renkin. So he's infected by the bite and becomes half vampire?
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Posted 3/16/08 , edited 4/24/08
Yuppers to the vamp question. Then how should the supposed explosion occur?
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Posted 3/16/08 , edited 4/24/08
hmm...I think it has a pretty good idea and storyline. can't wait to see it develop.
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Posted 3/17/08 , edited 4/24/08
A nuclear powerplant is going to have other things such as gas, not necessarily for providing their own energy, but for their trucks and other vehicles, as well as heating and such. There is more than one type of gas besides being used for power.
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Posted 3/17/08 , edited 4/24/08
And I think that you did pretty well with your first try. Needs a little bit more descriptiveness when not in the action scenes, but overall you did good.
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Posted 3/17/08 , edited 4/24/08
I really like it. So far u did great i would just add more description and try to make a better transition into new scenes
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Posted 3/18/08 , edited 4/24/08

AkanaYukinai wrote:

A nuclear powerplant is going to have other things such as gas, not necessarily for providing their own energy, but for their trucks and other vehicles, as well as heating and such. There is more than one type of gas besides being used for power.


That's fine but you don't have a forum to tell readers' that. So either you explain clearly the cause of the accident (how was it gas?) or there are nagging questions left in some rational readers' minds. Not a good thing for a first episode. It's a major event in the protagonist's life so you can't say just blithely justify the possibility of a gas leak with an author's note or something. It has to be believable or you'll be accused of not doing your research.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/5165736.stm

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/stories/2005/12/19/015.html

http://www.ucsusa.org/clean_energy/nuclear_safety/nuclear-plant-risk-studies-failing-the-grade.html

It's not very hard. Just google and pick something more believable.
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Posted 3/18/08 , edited 4/24/08
Well, for an anime type story, it doesn't really have to make any sense or be that believable as you say. It would do to have a little more explaining on what exactly happened to cause the explosion, but that doesn't make it any less believeable that he hasn't. He still has a chance to add more detail to it in the next episodes. He did well enough for it being the first story to work on, I am sure that as he works on it his writing and descriptiveness will improve, can't be too critical on someone who's not really written much.
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Posted 3/18/08 , edited 4/24/08
Yup, to the adding more detail later. But you have to decide on something believable regarding a major plot point right now if you want to be serious about this. I'm not nitpicking ok? I'm commenting on what doesn't make sense in the story. And believe me, it matters. I've stopped watching anime and stopped reading a story for things that don't make sense and obviously weren't thought out or researched very well. It detracts from enjoyment. And I'm not alone in this.
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Posted 3/19/08 , edited 4/24/08

harukohaha wrote:


AkanaYukinai wrote:

A nuclear powerplant is going to have other things such as gas, not necessarily for providing their own energy, but for their trucks and other vehicles, as well as heating and such. There is more than one type of gas besides being used for power.


That's fine but you don't have a forum to tell readers' that. So either you explain clearly the cause of the accident (how was it gas?) or there are nagging questions left in some rational readers' minds. Not a good thing for a first episode. It's a major event in the protagonist's life so you can't say just blithely justify the possibility of a gas leak with an author's note or something. It has to be believable or you'll be accused of not doing your research.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/5165736.stm

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/stories/2005/12/19/015.html

http://www.ucsusa.org/clean_energy/nuclear_safety/nuclear-plant-risk-studies-failing-the-grade.html

It's not very hard. Just google and pick something more believable.


I dont want it to be clear. It is supposed to be a mystery. It will tie into the story later. :D
But thanks.
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Posted 3/19/08 , edited 4/24/08

Ichigo-bankai wrote:


harukohaha wrote:


AkanaYukinai wrote:

A nuclear powerplant is going to have other things such as gas, not necessarily for providing their own energy, but for their trucks and other vehicles, as well as heating and such. There is more than one type of gas besides being used for power.


That's fine but you don't have a forum to tell readers' that. So either you explain clearly the cause of the accident (how was it gas?) or there are nagging questions left in some rational readers' minds. Not a good thing for a first episode. It's a major event in the protagonist's life so you can't say just blithely justify the possibility of a gas leak with an author's note or something. It has to be believable or you'll be accused of not doing your research.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/5165736.stm

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/stories/2005/12/19/015.html

http://www.ucsusa.org/clean_energy/nuclear_safety/nuclear-plant-risk-studies-failing-the-grade.html

It's not very hard. Just google and pick something more believable.


I dont want it to be clear. It is supposed to be a mystery. It will tie into the story later. :D
But thanks. :D


I see. That's even better. If there's a reason for it and it will be cleared up eventually then the mystery's fine.
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Posted 3/24/08 , edited 4/24/08
Wow i'm impressed, u did a really good job XD.... can't wait 2 read/watch it loool =P

now i gotta read the second chapter XD... the suspense is killing me =P
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