Note to the reader: these fan-fictions are based on the now defunct webcomic Brand New which you can still read here: http://www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofile.php?id=4892
The comics is about the budding relationship between Ken and Tetsu, who are both in long term relationships that have been put on hiatus by the little fights they have with their respective partners. Ken, a twenty something salary man, has been married for about two years to his wife Yukari whom he is now temporarily separated from, and the same is true for Tetsu whose boyfriend Hyde has left him for unknown reasons. Through out the story, the try to face the feelings they have for one another , while battling their sense of loyalty to their lovers who they both feel are sure to return to them. both Stories are dramatic monologues. the first is about Tetsu and Ken and my own version of why they split up. The second in about Ken's confusion about his feelings for both Yukari and Tetsu.
I would allow to point out this is the first and only fan-fiction i have ever written because i personally like to create my own characters, but brand new was such an amazing comic, so i decided to enter the competition [i won! i never win anything]. Also i wrote these when i was like 13/ 14 so go easy on me ^^; but any and all criticism is welcome
Because He Loves Me
I lie on the bed. Our bed. I stare at the ceiling. Our ceiling. I can smell her on him. I his hair. On his breath. Smeared across his skin. her stench is all over him. And now me. I can taste her on his lips . And it makes me feel so sick.
Outside, footsteps crunch over the virgin snow's back , as carollers shake their tins and wish passers by happiness in exchange for a few filthy coins. Winter birds tweet and hum , and blanketed leaves sway, shrugging the heavy snow from their shoulders. i close my eyes and try to envelop myself in the sounds, but all I can hear is the stead rhythm of his breath against my ear. In : he loves me. Out: he loves me not.
I get up, slowly, and stagger across the tiny apartment floor to our bathroom. With each step the winter chill races from the tiles to my toes, and the shock of it's touch sends a jolt up my spine. I shiver. i so cold in here now.
I splash icy water on my face. I feel so sick. i step into the shower , and scrub. My skin feels raw and tender , and I cry and cry.
I stumble back into our room and see him standing there.
Waiting for me.
The Christmas lights from the world outside stream through our windows, and wrap his body in a shroud of delicate tones of reds, greens, golds, and blues. They dance across his face in torn, jagged rhythm, like a broken heartbeat.
I reach out to touch his cheek.
He looks away, and brushes off my hand.
'This isn't who you are. What you are!'
He walks away and begins to shuffle into his jeans.
'This isn't right . This isn't right... this isn't how it's supposed to be...Hyde. Please. Please. Look at me!'
My breath catches in my throat.
He doesn't speak.
He doesn't move.
' I...I always knew you had plans for the future. But I never once thought that they didn't include me.'
He starts getting dressed again. He puts on his shirt his jacket his socks his hat. And begins to stuff his things into a bag.
Oh God. Oh God. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
He sees me breaking. He walks over and lifts my chin. I look in his eyes. He says something. His lips move, but I can't hear him. I can't think. I can't think.
I scream. and smack his hand away.
'DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T TOUCH ME! Your hands! They smell like her! I can smell her all over you! It stinks! I can take this! I can't do this anymore Hyde.'
i tear all the poster off the wall and snap his desperate demo's in two. i sweep last nights dinner off and hurl our ancient radio at the wall. a crack forms in it's aged plastic face. A broken, heavy, cigarette ridden voice crackles and wafts out of it's lone speaker.
'Because he loves me. I live.
Because he loves me . I breathe.
Because he loves me. I need him.
Because He loves me.
Because I love him.'
Every note, every word binds my feet, my hands and engulfs me into her sombre world.
I can't take this. I can't take this. I tear down all the smiling photographs and snatch the saccharine love notes off our fridge and rip them into what seems to be a tiny million pieces.
The door. He's left. I freeze. He can't have gone far, but it feels as if there is a whole world between us. He's coming back. I can't ...I can't. I want to run to him. To say that I'm being crazy. That I didn't mean it. That this is stupid. That it's okay, it's okay. But that's not true.
I smile to myself. It's okay. it's okay. I crawl over to our bed . I lie down on his side, and try to breathe in his scent. It smells like her. Oh God. It smells like her. I feel sick again. But it's okay. I can take it. I can wait for him. He always comes back. Even when things are bad. He comes back. I tell myself over and over, that he'll come back to me. Over and over.
He'll come back. He'll come back.
Because he loves me.
My soles click against the pavement as I navigate through the depths of this city's sea of people. Their miniscule sound is sucked into myriad of a million others, an overlapping and meshing , beating and flowing symphony of sound.
The speakers cough out tired Christmas songs about broken hearts and baby boys, as the lights strewn across every building twinkle and flash hypnotically. The shoppers ebb to and fro, absorbed by thoughts of what to buy, where to get it and how the hell they're gonna be able to afford it.
i move forward slowly with the current, enveloped in my own little bubble of thought. It's my first with Tetsu. And all I can think about is you.
I stop, as if my next step would send me plummeting off a cliff. The wound is still fresh and it gapes open at the mention of your name; threatening to consume me. And he knows it too.
Suddenly aware of my surroundings, I notice he sea of people has parted and flows around me.I scan the crowd's faces, almost expectant to see yours buried among them.
But i know I'm a fool. you're not coming back anytime soon.
I will drown in this sea of people searching for you.
Deeper and deeper, you pull me under the waves of thought, and it feels impossible to breathe and all these memories thoughts emotions are choking me and i can't swim to the surface, because your pull is just too strong.
Breath escapes from my lips in little white puffs that dance upwards slowly and melt into the dark winter sky. I gulp down little gasp of air like a new-born. And I can feel the cold in my fingers start to spread. I lift my hands to my mouth and breathe on them.
My ring clouds up. My vision does the same.
I meant forever. But now I don't even know what forever means.
I gave you a ring one Christmas. under the blinking lights and gently saying decorations. you cried and told me yes. That as it. where our story was supposed to end with a neat little 'Happy Ever After'.
I'm no fool. I knew it would be hard. I knew we argued over the dumbest things. But I knew that we loved each other. And that's what mattered the most. Right?
I never thought it would come to this.
Even though it burns my hand, I can't take off this ring. It has all of the hopes, dreams, promises and fears we had.
They still mean something to me. This ring is a part of me that I can't separate. I can't let go of. just like you. and just like I'm afraid he'll become.
I tried to stem the flow; keep my head above the rising waters. But I keep breathing in water. I can feel my lungs filling. I can feel him running through my veins, invading the parts of my body heart and mind i thought were only for you. I don't know how to stop it.
Or if i want to.
I love him. and it terrifies me. Because every time he calls my name. I'm scared he's calling him. Every time he touches me, I'm scared he's touching him. Every time he says he loves me, I'm scared he's thinking of him. And what scares me the most is that every time I think all these things,I'm sure he's thinking them too.
I love him. But I can't tell him. Because a long time ago, I decided those words were only for you.
It's a game between us almost. A twisted little waiting game. And it tortures us both. He waits for me to tell him. And I wait for him to leave. Like you.
And nothing happens.
And I wonder. Is this what drowning feels like? Is this what the moments before you take your last breath are like? Not knowing whether an eternity or a second has passed between one moment and the next. Only knowing that you're losing the fight. That you're being pulled deeper and deeper into the depths, until the shimmer of light skimming the surface and the world above is no more than a mere memory.
I am drowning.
The rip tide you used to strand me is pulling me under the waves.
And I'm getting tired of kicking.
I take a deep sharp breath. The icy air cuts my lungs.
And I wonder.
Are you drowning too?
This place has changed