Post Reply A Song Within the Sea~
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Posted 3/27/08
I was originally going to finish and enter this in the contest, but i entered something else since i lost interest in this...I just need someone to tell me whether or not i should continue finishing this or just to save it and look back on it one day~

The sailing crew on lookout expect to find not a thing.
They underestimate the sea’s valour and turn away into the night.
Far across the stormy seas.
A song is being sung.
And all who hear it-will be lost forever.
Legend has it,
That a siren’s song is gold,
And that if you hear it and still be alive,
You will be blessed for years to come.

But legends are only legends,
They are not so true,
For the siren will not let her song be heard,
She will bring the men-and perhaps women-and take them to her lair,
No one knows just what she’ll do.

Words sung by her,
Words heard by her,
Words, words, words...A song within the sea.

An echo within the darkest caves,
A seagull hears her cries,
Sirens don’t sing for just any reason,
They sing because they cry.

But there has been known,
By all the creatures of the deep,
That there is a single siren,
The lone siren that sings out of love.

Why, oh why does this siren be so different?
Sirens live forever, they do not need love.
So why must she be so different?
Why must she be so strange?

Like all others, she was born on a stormy night by a man and mermaid,
She was fed the same and given a name,
Anaflora, she was called,
Named after the snow flower that grows only in the sea,
She bloomed beautifully with the name in hand,
Pale peach skin with the touch of blue,
Light green eyes, the color of fresh seaweed,
Long flowing crystal blue-gray hair,
And the smile of an angel.

Her story began like every other,
An orphan in the sea,
She loved the fish and the other sirens just like she was told to,
Yet somehow in that one year she was gone to land,
Something made her change.

Sirens are told not to fall in love,
They’re told to stay away,
Who would fall in love with a siren-anyways?

Yet Anaflora was so different,
She did what others could not,
She flirted with the sailors and sang such love songs,
She escaped onto the land and eloped with her love,
Yet her beloved did not love her for her,
He loved only the beauty outside of her,
He didn’t care for her voice and her care.

She knew that he didn’t,
She knew it all along,
She didn’t even love him-yet she stayed for so long,
Anaflora was not to be messed with,
Yet that man was left unharmed.

No one knows just why she still sings of love,
She never really had it,
She never really loved.

Yet when you should hear her song,
It’s so true and deep,
Anaflora’s loving voice rings through the sea.
Posted 3/30/08
I think you should definitely finish it. It is incredibly intriguing and you built the story up very well. Even the place you stopped was good cause it left me really wanting to know what had happened, why she would sing love songs even after having a terrible experience with love, it leaves me wanting to know whether there was someone else, or the dream of someone else. In all very good.

Note: It was a little hard to read at times because the rhythm was not consistent, but it isn't anything major.
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Posted 3/31/08

-october-rose- wrote:

I think you should definitely finish it. It is incredibly intriguing and you built the story up very well. Even the place you stopped was good cause it left me really wanting to know what had happened, why she would sing love songs even after having a terrible experience with love, it leaves me wanting to know whether there was someone else, or the dream of someone else. In all very good.

Note: It was a little hard to read at times because the rhythm was not consistent, but it isn't anything major.


Kay~ Thanks for bothering to read/comment~^^ I'll try to finish it and smooth out the rhythm a little~
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Posted 4/9/08
it was a really good poetry....

but the ending left the readers hanging...

as if... theres more than the ending...

its a really good idea to continue ur poetry..

Love Lots
†LecrisceL†
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Posted 4/10/08

gwynth wrote:

it was a really good poetry....

but the ending left the readers hanging...

as if... theres more than the ending...

its a really good idea to continue ur poetry..

Love Lots
†LecrisceL†


Thanks for your comment..I hope to be finished the rest of the poem soon =3
Posted 4/14/08
wow! I liked it! At certain times I lost kinda the rhythm of it but it was really good! you should finish it because I really want to read more!
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Posted 4/14/08

Bell1 wrote:

wow! I liked it! At certain times I lost kinda the rhythm of it but it was really good! you should finish it because I really want to read more!


Thanks for commenting, oneechan~ I will finish it~ ^^
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Posted 5/9/08
No rythem, i hate peoms like that, but i loved this one, lol....Okay, you know what somehow it doesnt even seem incomplete, it leaves you feeling that the siren loved and you can hear her sing, but her reason will remain forveer unknown.
BUT i would love to read the whole thing...^__^. Good luck.
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