Post Reply The next contest?
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37 / M / Barstow, CA
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Posted 4/3/08 , edited 4/3/08
Ah it was a dark and stormy night, but not too stormy; it was that kind of stormy that made you think of the line, "It was a dark and stormy night..." not that anyone has ever read the story that line comes from, but I digress.

Hehe.

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

That crappy opening sentance is the kind of thing (and I might even submit it) they want in the above contest. It's the one I think of most and enjoy talking about. Check out some of the past "winners."

I bring it up here because I think a contest like that should be the next one held by this group. Why? For a few reasons:

1. It's hilariously bad.
2. ANYONE can write one terrible sentance. But one terrible yet well written and enjoyable? Priceless.
3. Entries could be limited to one or three per person.
4. Judging would be FAST. I mean the time it takes to judge one story in a standard contest you could judge 100 sentences in this contest.
5. In keeping with the real contest the prize could be small like a special title for the forums or what not.

I have no problems taking the lead in this if you guys want me to, but it's not my group or site so I bow to the leaders here. *Bows*
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30 / M / from the midnight...
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Posted 4/5/08
uhm, so we just start with the line it was a dark and stormy night?
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37 / M / Barstow, CA
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Posted 4/6/08
Sorry no. The idea is to write the first line of a story. Any story, any line. THe point being to make it a BAD opening line. Much as "It was a Dark and Stormy Night..." has turned into being. Here's some of the past winners from the real contest:

The heather-encrusted Headlands, veiled in fog as thick as smoke in a crowded pub, hunched precariously over the moors, their rocky elbows slipping off land's end, their bulbous, craggy noses thrust into the thick foam of the North Sea like bearded old men falling asleep in their pints.

--Gary Dahl, Los Gatos, CA (2000 Winner)

A small assortment of astonishingly loud brass instruments raced each other lustily to the respective ends of their distinct musical choices as the gates flew open to release a torrent of tawny fur comprised of angry yapping bullets that nipped at Desdemona's ankles, causing her to reflect once again (as blood filled her sneakers and she fought her way through the panicking crowd) that the annual Running of the Pomeranians in Liechtenstein was a stupid idea.

Sera Kirk, Vancouver, BC (2001 Winner)

On reflection, Angela perceived that her relationship with Tom had always been rocky, not quite a roller-coaster ride but more like when the toilet-paper roll gets a little squashed so it hangs crooked and every time you pull some off you can hear the rest going bumpity-bumpity in its holder until you go nuts and push it back into shape, a degree of annoyance that Angela had now almost attained.

Rephah Berg, Oakland CA (2002 Winner)

They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently.

Mariann Simms, Wetumpka, AL (2003 Winner)

She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight . . . summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp's tail . . . though the term "love affair" now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism . . . not unlike "sand vein," which is after all an intestine, not a vein . . . and that tarry substance inside certainly isn't sand . . . and that brought her back to Ramon.

Dave Zobel, Manhattan Beach, CA (2004 Winner)

As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.

Dan McKay, Fargo, ND (2005 Winner)

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.

Jim Guigli, Carmichael, CA (2006 Winner)

Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.

Jim Gleeson, Madison, WI (2007 Winner)
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24 / F / Manila, Philippines
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Posted 4/9/08
so we just need to make a crappy sentence that'll sound hilarious?

errr....
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37 / M / Barstow, CA
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Posted 4/9/08
Close, but not quite. The idea is this is the opening line of some story. It has to be grammatically correct since you can't string TOO many words together. Though you can really get some long ones if you know all the proper rules of grammer, as the above sentances show.

See, the main point of this contest is to learn how to NOT start a story. One of the greatest tenents in writing (for me at least) is less is more. So for instance you COULD start off a story with the 2007 winner's sentance. Or it can be shortened to what the sentence is really saying, "Gerald began to pee." (Which is why the 2007 winner is so funny. Read it over all that sentance really says is Gerald began to pee. The rest is technically other sentances jammed in there.)

So crappy and hilarious are correct, yet you can't forget it has to make sense both gramatically and as the first sentence of a story.
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30 / M / from the midnight...
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Posted 4/9/08
so it has to be a story with an ending and plot right?

or do we just write the opening things
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37 / M / Barstow, CA
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Posted 4/9/08
Just the opening sentence AS IF you were going to attach it to a story. So you could write the opening to a murder mystery story, or a sci fi adventure story, or what have you. For the actual contest you'd only submit one sentence per entry.

I suggest this contest again because you only judge since sentences and hence SOOOO much faster to judge and review than complete stories.

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Posted 4/10/08
When's the due date~?
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37 / M / Barstow, CA
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Posted 4/10/08
Well since I'm not in charge of this group I can't say this WILL be a contest or not. It's just my suggestion. Though if folks would like me to run this contest I will. If so then I'd come up with "Official" stuff.

As for the REAL contest (i.e. the one I'm basing this on) the due date for that is April 15th.

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24 / M / Australia
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Posted 5/4/08
LOL. thats a awesome contest!!! if i had to make up a sentence as bad as that i wood prob say something like "For the start of this story I will start at the start, so let us begin the start."....or something. LOL. >.> <.< v.v ^.^
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37 / M / Barstow, CA
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Posted 5/22/08
Hmm... as the original contest seems to have gone with the wind is anyone opposed to me starting this one up? I don't have any prizes and even the real contest is more for the "infamy" than any prize.
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