Post Reply Let's comit a perfect crime u still my heart and u till mine
Posted 4/13/08 , edited 4/13/08
It seems so unfair to me
It happens over and over again
When will I learn my lesson
And stop being everyones friend

I havent learned my lesson
I think its about time I do
Because I've fallen so hard
I can't believe it's true

I wasn't honest in my feelings towards you
I knew that it could never be
The reason I know that u ask
Is because that is the life of me

Truly caring about someone
And then being rejected
I have to say its not that easy
I have to keep my heart protected

So now we left it at "lets be friends"
Nothing new at all
As I sit here day and night
Just waiting for that phone call

Well I'm done waiting
And I can't promise to be your friend
One promise I will make though
Is that I will love you till the end

so what do u think?? ^^
3741 cr points
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Posted 4/13/08 , edited 4/13/08
okay one rule, don't shorten words like "you", to make them "u". If you are going to write something, write it properly. Don't tell me it's your writing style either, because it violates everything in the writing process. The poem had a very good thought, but at the same time there was more than one thought going on. Be careful with this because the reader can get easily confused.
1977 cr points
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25 / M / Tulsa Ok
Posted 4/13/08 , edited 4/14/08
wow harsh. i think the poem was nice and the you/u thing really shouldnt mean much . poetry is a form of self expression (duh) and grammar shouldnt be a problem because even someone who couldnt read or write could be a great poet. when you write poetry your letting feelings out. and how you let those feelings out is up to you......................right?????????
42 cr points
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28 / M
Posted 4/20/08 , edited 4/20/08
i think grammar can be an important part of poetry because making use of wrong grammar may hold you back in trying to show the readers what you truly felt during the time you wrote something.... that's just what i think anyways
5084 cr points
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26 / M / Hopefully in the...
Posted 4/20/08 , edited 4/20/08
I agree with both Takumoto and Simplistic with their perspectives. I don't see why you cant spell you as in u. Technically it is a form of expressing your feelings and personality. But i also agree with Simplistic that the poem had a good amount of thinking to it, But there was simply too much going on for me to understand the main gist of the poem. But you could also use some grammar over here and there because the present/past/future tenses just made me stuck on one part of the poem for WAY too long
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