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Post Reply Almost heaven
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Posted 4/13/08 , edited 6/26/08
I stare into her eyes; no childhood bonds or friendship ties did we have, only this. I sit quietly as she smiles slightly; telling me how embarrassing it is, and yet how she cannot get enough. It may seems strange to spend hours gazing into the eyes of someone else, but it feels as though I can see into her soul; her love for me, how she cherishes every moment we spend together. It makes me elated just to be near her. She leans forward and kisses me, as I know we are done for today. I know I may seem corny, but when I glimpse into Alicia's eyes, I feel like it's almost heaven.

She smiled her usual smile, stood and turned; waving goodbye as she went on her way. All I could do was sit there and wonder why she even puts up with a guy like me. My heart was always so confused; I knew somewhere in my mind that I had to do something soon, though the same response always came back: 'It can wait.' My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my cellphone ringing. Of course it would turn out like this; Amber calling me again, wanting to go to a movie. How can I say no to a girl I've known for so long? She and I had grown up together, spending days as children will; some of my fondest memories have been when I was with her, and yet nowadays It seems I can feel something inside her... the look I get when she sees me with Alicia, it breaks my heart. I'm petrified to even think about it, as I know my heart can't deny that I love her. I cannot do that, love her when I have someone to occupy my heart already. I agree to the movie and arrange to pick her up at 8.

Much to my surprise, when I pulled up to Amber's house she was dressed up more than usual. I felt a cold, hard lump in my throat as she opened the passenger door and smiled that beautiful smile toward me. Along the way we talked as we always had, asking how each others days were and what we had been up to. It felt strange... any time we were together recently, she had been so gloomy; yet today she seemed cheerful, I felt content being with her. We headed into the cinema laughing and bought the tickets; Of course; since it was a friday, and the 'couples discount day'; we didn't object when the attendant asked of me the reduced price.

I noticed, as we sat watching the movie, Amber was leaning on me; something she had never done before. Even though it shocked me a little, I felt warmed inside. The movie's end wrenched my soul. The main character lay there, next to the man she had never confessed to; his corpse now being the place she rest her head upon; weeping. How could it end like this? The lights gradually came back on as I stood slowly and stated what a horrible ending that was. As I tried to walk I felt something catch my sleeve, I was almost too scared to look back.

I turned around to see Amber still seated, eyes cast upon the ground, tears running down her cheeks, her hand grasped tightly to my jacket's sleeve. She slowly looked up at me and into my eyes as she gave voice to what I had been afraid of hearing all along.

"I love you"

The noise of the hundreds of people around us seemed gone. The moving and shuffling of people surrounded us and yet, at that moment, all I could see was her and I.

"I love you too."

It came out all wrong, I couldn't help but say it. As I looked into her eyes I couldn't glimpse how she felt for me, I couldn't see how she views me, and yet I knew it all along; I didn't need to stare into her eyes to know how she felt, I knew just by being with her. Looks of fear and happiness filled her face after I spoke those words, and then I did something that I still don't know if I should have or not.

I kissed her.

Not a simple little kiss, one lasting for what seemed forever. Caught in the moment I couldn't pull myself away as something that felt so right, and yet so wrong, captured me fully. I felt it once more, this feeling that envelopes my mind, no... this was different, It felt as If I was in heaven.

Once the kiss had run its course, there was no one left in the theatre. I didn't know how long we had tarried, but we stood and walked out holding hands. The entire ride home I couldn't stop thinking of the day her parents died, the anguish she had felt and the pain in her eyes; that day was the first time she had kissed me, but it was so short and so incidental... I rationalized to myself that it was just her emotions getting the best of her. Her parents had accumulated enough money that, if she wanted to, she could never work a day in her life. She did just that since they had passed, one year and one day ago. I didn't know why these thoughts floated through my mind, but somewhere I knew exactly what was going to happen next. I pulled into the driveway of her house; she stared at the floor of my car.

"Don't leave me alone tonight."

She had been alone for so long now... The words pierced my wall of fear. I turned off the car, unfastened my seatbelt, turned and wrapped my arms around her

"You won't be alone anymore."

... Why did I say that? How could I make this promise, Alicia... I... I don't know what to do anymore.

It all seemed a blur. Before I could collect my thoughts we already lay next to one another in her bed, gazing into each others eyes, smiling, her naked body pressed against mine, the heavy breathing now subsiding. She hugged me tightly as I held her close, we both drifted to sleep.

I awoke the next morning to find her staring at me.

"You're so cute when you sleep"

I smiled reaching up and running my hand along her cheek.

"And you're so cute any time of the day"

She laughed as she stood up from the bed and began putting on her clothes. I sat up onto the edge of the bed and started to put my own clothes on. I could only imagine what awaited me on my cellphone back out in the car. I left her with a kiss, promising to come see her again tonight.

Twenty three missed calls, and yet the only message on my phone was 3 minutes of Alicia breathing quietly. Her silence stabbed through my heart.

I pulled up to my house and walked to the front door. There sat the dinner she would bring me every night after her work. No matter what I wanted she always somehow knew and brought it to me so we could eat together. Her favorite salad lay next to the meal, both drenched from the nights rain. I took them inside and threw them away. I decided on taking a shower; my mind swimming about all of this, not wanting to let go of either one of them. My heart screamed out in pain from the thoughts I was having. I just couldn't decide. No sooner had I gotten out of the shower, a knock came upon my door.

"So where were you last night, Mark? I brought you dinner and waited an hour in the rain for you"

I averted my eyes from Alicia as I replied to her,

"My friend Casey and I were hanging out, I accidently left my cellphone out in the car. I was about to call and apologize..."

I don't know if she pretended to believe me out of just the sheer want in her heart to do so, but I could feel that, deep down inside, she knew I was lying. I thought to myself 'I have to find a way to make this work out...' She smiled as she kissed me deeply, tilting her head to the side; allowing me see the worst thing I could have possibly seen.

Amber stood there, my belt in her hand, her bike laying on the ground; a look of sheer terror on her face.

My heart stopped. I pulled away from Alicia to see amber drop my belt, pick up her bike and take off riding as fast as she could. The words escaped my mouth so quick, I didn't have time to think about it

"Amber it's..."

But she was gone.

I felt Alicia's cold stare on the back of my head. She grabbed my arm, dragging me inside.

She sat me down in my usual spot, seating herself across from me, peering deep into my eyes.

I could hardly stand to watch, as all I could see were my own mistakes staring back at me.

She stood slowly, a look of anguish covering her face.

"Alicia... I..."

She disrupted me with a deep, sorrowful tone.

"I don't even know you... Don't ever talk to me again."

With that she walked out of my life. I felt a hole in my heart that cast me to the ground, weeping. I spent the rest of the day there, unable to even think about moving.

That night I couldn't get ahold of Amber, and her house door was locked. The lights were on, but no response came from my knocking. The next day when I tried to call Amber I found my number had been blocked.

I couldn't stand it. I went to her house and I pleaded at the door with all I had. I begged God just to let me see her again; to deliver me from this feeling, of almost hell.

When she finally opened the door my heart rejoiced, only to find a wounded and hurting woman staring at me. I tried my best to convince her of what had happened, that I had planned on breaking up with Alicia. Yet she knew as well that I was lying. She took me back inside, but to the same gloomy feeling I had experienced with her since her parents had died. Her heart was broken and yet she clung to me tightly, not wanting to be alone anymore...

Even if she was with someone she hates.

I was delivered by God from the place of almost Hell...

Into Hell itself.
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Posted 4/13/08
The basic two-timing story enhanced....Good job! I love the last 3 sentences and the build-up in the beginning.
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Posted 4/13/08
wewt I got a compliment while I was editing it thanks much.
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Posted 4/13/08
Wah~! ^-^ awesome!!!! =D I loved it! ^^
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Posted 4/14/08
wow. im lost in words....
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29 / M / Michigan, USA
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Posted 4/14/08
I did something good? I guess a first time for everything :D

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Posted 4/15/08
Anyone have any criticism? I not only take suggestions, I welcome them with open arms. How else is one to get better?
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Posted 4/16/08

atatakakunai wrote:

Anyone have any criticism? I not only take suggestions, I welcome them with open arms. How else is one to get better?


I..................that..................my gosh. Comparing yours to mine, i feel like some kinda........ameture.
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Posted 4/16/08

Kujin-jump wrote:


atatakakunai wrote:

Anyone have any criticism? I not only take suggestions, I welcome them with open arms. How else is one to get better?


I..................that..................my gosh. Comparing yours to mine, i feel like some kinda........ameture.


I wouldn't say that! I love the stories I read from you!


Just got done editing the story to make it sound a little more 'professional' anyone please feel free to tell me whether you enjoyed this version or the old one better.

And thank you all for your input, I look further ahead with a grateful heart to any and all of the comments you can give
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Posted 5/1/08
this is soooooooooooo cooooooooooool, dude~!! I wish I could write stories like you, but really busy busy days...

I'm inspired, you did well...
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Posted 5/1/08
WOW.....such maturity and soo true.....i mean there are so many times when one is stuck in a situation where its not only hard to get out but u dont even want to try. It doesnt make u a bad person but almost always the consequeunces are unpleasant.
A heart rending story!
I loved it!
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Posted 5/2/08
kinda one of those things it hurts to write, i know in that situation 'i;d prolly have fallen the same way... Which makes t al the worse to write it. I saw myself very much in the main character... but I hope I would have handled it better...
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Posted 5/27/08
well written. true say i'd proly do the same thing no matter what the sittuation was. lmao.
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Posted 5/28/08 , edited 5/28/08
your style... first person story telling ... suits you well... its really good i think


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