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General Jokes Thread
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30 / F / Japan.
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Posted 1/14/07 , edited 1/20/07
This thread is for any jokes in general, as long as they don't break any forum rules

*mauz15
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26 / Martian / Estonia
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Posted 1/20/07
-Your so fat that when you go swimming you get assaulted by spanish people, claiming you as a new continent.
-Your so dumb that you alone dragged down the IQ average in your country by a whole 20 points.
-You so big that you have your own orbit.
Posted 1/20/07
two guys walk into a bar and the third one ducks
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51 / M / Torphichen Scotland
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Posted 1/20/07
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.
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25 / M / Milton
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Posted 1/20/07
dont look here.... the jokees between your legs!
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29 / M / long island
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Posted 1/20/07
whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

beer nuts are a $1.69 and deer nuts are under a buck
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29 / M / US
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Posted 1/20/07
As the old-time Maine farmer began to hitch up his overalls after using the outhouse, a quarter rolled out of his pocket and fell down the hole. "Dang!" he said, and pulled a file-dollar bill out of his wallet and threw it down the hole after the quarter. "Why on earth did you do that?" he was asked. "You don't think I'm doing down there for a quarter, do you?" he replied.
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26 / Martian / Estonia
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Posted 1/21/07
Your so fat that you are used as the model in barrel factories.

Your so fat that you have your own zip-code.
(i know alot of these since i used to be reeeeally fat.)
bakoi 
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28 / M / Greensboro, NC
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Posted 1/21/07
You're so stupid that when you were washing the tub and your mom said to use "elbow grease" (a term for strength) you said, "I don't have any, can we get some from the store?"
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28 / M / Cheese land (aka...
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Posted 2/2/07
There was once a trucker who had a habit of running over lawyers. One day, he picked up a hitchhiking priest. As they were driving along, the trucker spotted a lawyer walking alongside the road. He was going to hit him, but swerved at the last moment when he remembered the priest was in the truck with him.

"I'm sorry Father." the trucker said. "I almost ran over that lawyer."

"It's okay." the priest replies. "I got him with the door."
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Posted 2/2/07
A "Husband Shopping Center" was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.

So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.
First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up they go.
Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking". "Hmmm", say the girls, "But, I wonder what's further up?".

Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the women. "Very tempting."
BUT, there's more further up!" And so again, they go up.

Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they go.
The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day!!"
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29 / M / US
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Posted 2/2/07
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now." (Rodney Dangerfield)
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76 / 椅子の上
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Posted 2/2/07
10 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better than Sex
1 Chocolate doesn't require any pick-up lines.
2 Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
3 You can eat chocolate in front of your parents.
4 Chocolate doesn't wear socks to bed.
5 The word 'commitment' doesn't scare off chocolate.
6 You can have chocolate in the office without upsetting your colleagues.
7 You can share chocolate with several others without being considered a floozie.
8 A big piece of chocolate is of course better, but even a small piece satisfies.
9 Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
10 You can bite into chocolate as hard as you want without causing injury.
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29 / M / US
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Posted 2/2/07
I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. (Rodney Dangerfield)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBC8CcHuhks&eurl=
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76 / 椅子の上
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Posted 2/2/07 , edited 4/13/08
Classes For Men

1 How To Find the Vacuum
2 You - The Weaker Sex
3 Techniques for Calling Home
4 Beard Shavings Are Not a Decorative Feature of The Bathroom
5 Farting Techniques Need Not Be Discussed Over Dinner
6 Sexy Underwear is Not Comfortable
7 Romanticism - Ideas Other Than Sex
8 How to Lose That Beer Gut
9 PMT - Sympathy Goes A Long Way
10 Footy Does Not Make For A Fun Weekend


Classes For Women

1 Gossip Sessions - Stop Being A Bitch
2 Elementary Map Reading
3 Gaining Two Kilos Versus The End Of The World: A Study In Contrast
4 Driving 101 - Checking The Oil
5 Driving 102 - Flat Tyres Do Not Equal Nuclear Physics
6 Water Retention - Fat Or Fact
7 The Undiscovered Side Of Banking - Deposits
8 Shopping 101 - Using Your Own Credit Card
9 Telephone Skills - How To Hang Up
10 Gift-Giving Fundamentals (Formerly Ties Bad - Pin-up Girl Calendar Good)


Sorry if anyone is offended.
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