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General Jokes Thread
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76 / F / in the club
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Posted 2/17/07 , edited 4/13/08
A white couple had a baby. The baby was black! The husband doubted if he's the father and asked his wife, "y baby black?"; the wife answered, "i'm hot, ur hot, baby burned!"
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Posted 2/17/07 , edited 4/13/08
Your so stupid you got tripped over a cordless phone!

Your glasses so thick that when you looked at a map, you saw people waving at you.
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27 / M / VanCity, World.
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Posted 2/17/07 , edited 4/13/08
How many tickles does it take to test a tickle me elmo.... two test-tickes (testicles) HA!

What did bat-man say to robin before they got into the car...... Get in the car Robin. HAHAHAHA!
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Posted 2/17/07 , edited 4/13/08

simpleyesa wrote:

A white couple had a baby. The baby was black! The husband doubted if he's the father and asked his wife, "y baby black?"; the wife answered, "i'm hot, ur hot, baby burned!"


Lol funny :P
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Posted 2/17/07 , edited 4/13/08
What is the difference between a black guy and a pizza?




The pizza can feed a family of 6!
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Posted 2/17/07 , edited 4/13/08
your mom is so fat that Naruto doesnt even believe it!
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76 / M / mAh WorLd
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Posted 2/17/07 , edited 4/13/08
A MAN IS LYING IN BED IN THE HOSPITAL WITH AN OXYGEN MASK OVER HIS MOUTH.

A YOUNG NURSE APPEARS TO SPONGE HIS HANDS AND FEET. "NURSE", HE MUMBLES FROM BEHIND THE MASK, ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?"

EMBARRASSED, THE YOUNG NURSE REPLIES, "I DON'T KNOW, I'M ONLY HERE TO WASH YOUR HANDS AND FEET.

HE STRUGGLES AGAIN TO ASK, NURSE, ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?"

FINALLY, SHE PULLS BACK THE COVERS, RAISES HIS GOWN, HOLDS HIS PRIVATES IN ONE HAND AND HIS TESTICLES IN HER OTHER HAND AND TAKES A CLOSE LOOK AND SAY'S, "THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM!"

FINALLY, THE MAN PULLS OFF HIS OXYGEN MASK AND REPLIES,"THAT WAS VERY NICE BUT, ARE --MY--TEST--RESULTS--BACK?
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26 / F / ..mostly in my head
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Posted 2/17/07 , edited 4/13/08
Q: What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a motorcycle?
A: I don't have a motorcycle in my garage.

Q: What's the difference between a dump truck full of dead babies and a dump truck full of bowling balls?
A: You can unload the babies with a pitchfork.

Q: Why do you put a dead baby head first into a blender?
A: So you can see it's toes twitching.

Q: Why do you put a dead baby feet first into a blender?
A: Hell if I know, I'm too busy jacking off.

Q: Why do you wrap a dead baby in duct tape?
A: So it doesn't explode when you rape it.

Q: Did you see the cliff Helen Keller fell off of?
A: Neither did she.

Q: Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off that cliff?
A: She was wearing mittens!

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
A: They rearranged the furniture and put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
A: You would too if you were named Uragharrhgahrrahrar.
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29 / M / US
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Posted 3/12/07 , edited 4/13/08
Q:How many DragonBall Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A:1, but it will last 30 episodes
Posted 3/12/07 , edited 4/13/08
yes, i know it's sexist/

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller get a driver's license?
A: Because she's a woman.
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76 / F / in the club
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Posted 3/12/07 , edited 4/13/08
I copied this one from a different forum - and i hope you will laugh too cos it really burst me into laughing. It's long but it's worth it.


"Why i fired my secretary?"


Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!",
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
" Happy Birthday."

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !"

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?"

I responded,
"I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?"
She said,
"Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner."


After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing "Happy Birthday".


And I just sat there...



On the couch...



Naked.
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27 / M / Toronto
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Posted 3/12/07 , edited 4/13/08
^Holy crap that IS hilarious.
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M / UK
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Posted 3/13/07 , edited 4/13/08
What do you call a polar bear with no ears.

A human iceberg.

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Posted 5/4/07 , edited 4/13/08
Posted 5/4/07 , edited 4/13/08
horse walks into a bar, bartender says " why the long face "
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