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General Jokes Thread
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28 / M / Columbia, Maryland
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Posted 6/9/07 , edited 4/13/08
Well, since some other people made racist jokes and didn't get in trouble for it, I guess I will too.

What do you call a guy with a tan on the beach? An illegal immigrant.

What do you call a bunch of white people on a school bus? A twinkie.

Why are there so many black people in the Olympics? Because they need to get off probation. (my brother just made these up, p.s. we're black)

Why doesn't Mexico participate in the Olympics? Because anyone who can run, jump or swim is already out of the country.

Why are most rappers black? Because it doesn't require a college degree. (this one I just made up)

Sorry if anyone is offended, but at least I took the time to crack on my own race.
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27 / M / Deep,deep,deep in...
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Posted 6/10/07 , edited 4/13/08
a guy walks in an antique store and asks:"what's new?"
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27 / F
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Posted 6/10/07 , edited 4/13/08

kudzu wrote:

A little word from Johnny to start the day..

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show Us your good manners?"

I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.



i dont get it.
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M / under your nose j...
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Posted 6/10/07 , edited 4/13/08
Three men had a contest on who had the dirtiest underwear...

The first one threw his on to the wall and it stuck for about 3 seconds before it went down.
Everyone clapped.

The second one threw his undies to the wall to and stuck for about 5 seconds..
Again,everyone clapped.

The third, threw his and as soon as it hit the wall,it fell. As soon as everyone started booing him,his undies crawled back up..

lol.
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M
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Posted 6/10/07 , edited 4/13/08

sugerbaybee wrote:


kudzu wrote:

A little word from Johnny to start the day..

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show Us your good manners?"

I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.



i dont get it.
:mellow:


His "very dear friend" is his PENIS !
and he's hoping for some some action after dinner.
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30 / M / Hell
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Posted 6/11/07 , edited 4/13/08
Heres a tip to know if a girl is a virgin..

Its by the menu she orders..

Certified virgin would order SOUP... (try saying it soup)

The women who always satisfies herself but still virgin JUICE.. ( try saying it JUICE)

The Women who had experince with one child COKE ( Say Coke)

A women with many many experience BANANA ( Try saying BANANA)

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29 / M / vegass
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Posted 6/11/07 , edited 4/13/08
a guy walks into a bar...

what does he say?


OW!
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28 / M / Singapore
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Posted 6/12/07 , edited 4/13/08
^ lol good one

then why did the skeleton cross the road?

to get to the body shop
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23 / F / the square
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Posted 6/25/07 , edited 4/13/08
me:guess what
person:what?
me:chicken butt

hahaha
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43 / M / US
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Posted 6/25/07 , edited 4/13/08
don't forget about the Muntab question.
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43 / M / US
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Posted 6/25/07 , edited 4/13/08
^ Exactly

lol i knew someone was going to step into that
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M
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Posted 6/26/07 , edited 4/13/08

superboxy wrote:

me:guess what
person:what?
me:chicken butt

hahaha


lol'd
That's me and my friends when we're bored.
except instead of chicken butt it's PENIS !

...yeh, we're a bunch of idiots
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24 / M / next to my pc
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Posted 6/26/07 , edited 4/13/08
WARNING THESE JOKES MAY OFFEND and in no way am i racist (i just only rember these jokes)

what do you call two jews walking down a street?




a pair of tights

what do you call a blackman floating down a stream?




twix

what do you call a blackman in a freezer ?



tough shit




Posted 6/26/07 , edited 4/13/08

simpleyesa wrote:

I copied this one from a different forum - and i hope you will laugh too cos it really burst me into laughing. It's long but it's worth it.


"Why i fired my secretary?"


Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!",
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
" Happy Birthday."

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !"

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?"

I responded,
"I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?"
She said,
"Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner."


After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing "Happy Birthday".


And I just sat there...



On the couch...



Naked.


LMAO. That`s the funniest thing here!
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37 / F / Fort Meade, MD
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Posted 6/26/07 , edited 4/13/08

amanda233 wrote:
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
*she tripped over a cordless phone.


I've done that.. it was laying on the floor!



*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.


They have things that are more and less than a dollar!



*she studied for a blood test.


I had to study for a pathenogin (sp) test to become certified as an EMT.


oh yeah.. I'm blonde.
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