Post Reply The Uncoveyed Message Was .
Posted 4/16/08 , edited 4/17/08
Scribbles : Suddenly , a plot bunny !
Do plot bunnies attack when you`re sick ?
I sort of ... stole an idea from Furuba . Just ... sort of .
It seemed to fit ! So I stole it . =3 Enjoy ~

~*~*~ Version 1 ~*~*~

The lunch bell rings, signalling the end of lunch. We, the students, headed outside, out to meet the big yellow sun once again. As usual, we all sit in the same spot. The usual gray-coloured block that has shared so many laughs with us.

The seniors come, showing off the new dance moves they learned in gym. They dance while giggling happily at their mistakes. One by one, they pull us to dance with them. The seniors were patiently teaching while the juniors were trying to follow, their brows creasing with every step they take. With each passing minute, our bonding grows. Our laughs could be heard all over the playground.

We danced some more. The warm sun shone light down on our heads. A minute seems like a second. I look at them and at the gray block were all just sitting on a few moments ago. The senior-junior bonding rarely happens yet it’s unfolding right in front of me. We have such a magical chemistry together.

We stop and we part. Everyone is back on the gray-coloured block. The seniors gather under the tree. We talk about the dancing we just did. It was so much fun. Underneath the shadow of the school, we remember this recent memory.

In my mind and in my mind only, I was thinking, ‘I wanted to dance too.’ That was the unconveyed message. That’s the pain of being different. The feeling of being unwanted. The feeling of being an onigiri in a fruits basket. The pain of being me.

And so, the happy story you thought you were reading, was the illusion of me wanting to belong. Sadly, it can never happen. I will forever be waiting for the hand of someone wanting to dance with me, underneath the shadow of the school, sitting on the same gray-coloured block.

~*~*~ Version 2 ~*~*~

The lunch bell rings, signalling the end of lunch. We, the students, headed outside, out to meet the big yellow sun once again. As usual, we all sit in the same spot. The usual gray-coloured block that has shared so many laughs with us.

The seniors come, showing off the new dance moves they learned in gym. They dance while giggling happily at their mistakes. One by one, they pull us to dance with them. The seniors were patiently teaching while the juniors were trying to follow, their brows creasing with every step they take. With each passing minute, our bonding grows. Our laughs could be heard all over the playground.

We danced some more. The warm sun shone light down on our heads. A minute seems like a second. I look at them and at the gray block were all just sitting on a few moments ago. The senior-junior bonding rarely happens yet it’s unfolding right in front of me. We have such a magical chemistry together.

We stop and we part. Everyone is back on the gray-coloured block. The seniors gather under the tree. We talk about the dancing we just did. It was so much fun. Underneath the shadow of the school, we remember this recent memory.

In my mind and in my mind only, I was thinking, ‘I wanted to dance too.’ That was the unconveyed message. That’s the pain of being different. The feeling of being unwanted. The feeling of being an onigiri in a fruits basket. The pain of being me.

And so, the happy story I thought I was reading, was the illusion of me wanting to belong. Sadly, it can never happen. I will forever be waiting for the hand of someone wanting to dance with me, underneath the shadow of the school, sitting on the same gray-coloured block.
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Posted 4/16/08
Oooh Fruits Basket plot ftw ~! Well, you didn't really steal the plot, you only took a quote~ The plot is still original..
I have an obsession with character build-ups, so I'm thinking it may have been better if you took a feminine or masculine POV in the story instead of making it genderless. But that's only my opinion, it's perfectly fine on its own~
Posted 4/17/08

Bluesander wrote:

Oooh Fruits Basket plot ftw ~! Well, you didn't really steal the plot, you only took a quote~ The plot is still original..
I have an obsession with character build-ups, so I'm thinking it may have been better if you took a feminine or masculine POV in the story instead of making it genderless. But that's only my opinion, it's perfectly fine on its own~


It`s not really genderless , I am a girl after all .
I like to play with the different persons . First person in particular .
It failed . * hangs head in shame * The person could be whichever
gender you wanted . Truthfully , I wanted the audience to stand in
this position but it didn`t quite work . You pointed out a mistake .
Thanks . I`ll edit it . =3

Thanks for reading and commenting ! ^-^
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