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Divorce
Posted 1/20/07
So I know 90% of this site is too young to get married and 9% of those old enough currently suck, intentionally or not, at the mating game. But a bunch of labcoat people say that we are a generation that has come from broken homes and that divorces in our parent's generation have affected us.

Lets talk about how many divorces happened in the 90's, whether they were right, or what they might have done, for good or for bad, to this crop of offspring (us!). Obviously the divorce has changed since Moses skipped down from the mountain, and we should explore this!
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Posted 1/20/07

gopherthegold wrote:
Lets talk about how many divorces happened in the 90's, whether they were right, or what they might have done, for good or for bad, to this crop of offspring (us!).


My parents separated in 2000, so it technically wasn't in the 90s. I consider myself to be fairly lucky though, because my parents are still close and they get along just fine. :)

:/ It's sad when kids are stuck in the middle of a nasty divorce and wind up having parents that absolutely hate each other.
Ronin
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Posted 1/20/07
I think the only reason my parents are still together is because they're Muslims from Pakistan. They always make fun of how Americans (white people) always get divorced and whatnot. My family is very dysfunctional and is barely held together.
Posted 1/20/07
Ican t say much on the subject , other than there is a divorce im actuall rooting for
Posted 1/20/07
So these labcoats have said that people in our generation are spooked by divorce and that has increased the time it takes for people to "settle down". That, and more young couples generally avoid actual marriage all together. (Forgive me, I don't have proof of this, this is purely my experience). Only two of my highschool buddies' parents actually remained together, and the majority of my friends have step parents. Is it too cheap to blame the last generation for wanderlust in the youth?
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Posted 1/20/07
one thing....think about if u like the person ull marry....and if it goes wrong...you're to blame for choosing the wrong person....
Posted 1/20/07

reikiaddict wrote:

one thing....think about if u like the person ull marry....and if it goes wrong...you're to blame for choosing the wrong person....


I really don't think it is that simple. Being in a committed relationship changes people, aging changes people, having children changes people, even just living with someone will cause shifts in character and habit. Right now, my mom is regaining her health and enjoying life more as my dad is losing his and spiraling. People change with little or no warning.

Blaming your judgement for a team failure... there is more to it than that. Look at how much your parents love you, and look how many times they have sucked at doing that. Just picking the "right" person isn't enough. Even if you pick the right person for you, who's to say you can even begin to fill their needs? Who is to say every year will be good for the two of you? You make it sound like people marry the wrong person on purpose. BasouKazuma has a point; I think it has a lot to do with how you define marriage as "going wrong", and I think a lot of people are quick to run away when part of the problem may rest within themself. I don't mean to snap, but... these passions!
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22 / M / the darkness
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Posted 1/20/07
Although divorce sucks it does happen, however sometimes it for the best and is less harmful. When kids see their parents arguing, or fighting all the time it makes for a very unhappy stressful environment. So in cases like those divorce is a good thing something that the kids would understand even if it is in the long run.
Posted 1/20/07
Divorce is the natural/common thing to do and you never think it can happan to you, but when it does. It changes your whole life!
Posted 1/20/07
Implications of divorce, via Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Implications_of_divorce

Yay!
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Posted 1/20/07
My parents seperated and divorced in the '90s. I was fourteen at the time, and having a fairly rough time relating to either of my parents. When my mother informed me that they were seeking a divorce my gut reply was, "about time...". Little did I know how greatly this would affect everything that I had grown accustomed to. My parents lost everything, the house, the business that they had built together for so many years, and each other.

Now, twenty-five, already a mother and getting ready to be married, I know that my parents divorce has affected me greatly. I am terrified that I have made a bad decision. I feel like maybe I don't know how to communicate well enough to my future husband or show him how much I care. It is terrifying, I have a child, and this man is not his father, so how do I reconcile my fear of failure that stems from my parents dissolution? I have a lot of baggage going against me right now, but that is something that I have to face, and luckily my partner is willing to face those with me.

So the outlook on marriage is different now that my parents are divorced, and re-married to other people. But looking at them, they are much better off since they are with the one that they truely love, and can relate to on many levels. Not just being together for the sake of the children. It makes such a huge difference now that I am a parent myself. It allows me to understand what I didn't at the time of my parents divorce. And maybe, after all the decision that I made was correct after all....
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Posted 1/20/07
ma pops died a while ago. can't remember when.
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Posted 1/20/07
That is terrible, does it bother you? You don't have to answer if you do not want to. ^
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Posted 1/20/07
Well my parents have been togethers for well over 25 years now (I think they're coming up on their 30th anniversery). My father came from a very dysfunctional family where divorce was the norm, usually several per person. My mother came from a family where diovorce was much less common. My grandparents on her side married right after WWII and remained together till they died.

I think my father made a conscience decision to not be like his family and determined to do what was right as opposed to what was selfish. My mother being extremely religous would never even consider divorce as option.

When I was in the military I saw ALOT of very young guys get married (as in 18 years old), mainly to high school girlfriends. It rarely ever worked out. Some guys worked very hard to make their marriages work for the sake of their kids, even if they feel getting married was a mistake (which it probably was). I've come to the oppinion that in this day and age little good comes of young marriage, unless both individuals are obscenely mature. It's best to enjoy ones youth rather than overburden yourself with responsibility. This way you don't rush into a poor decision just to "get it over with."

Most likely due to the way I was raised I view marriage a permanent thing and divorce as not being an option with one major exception - if I'm cheated on. If that happens, it's over, no qestions asked. Every good relationship is founded on trust. If that trust is removed, the relationship will crumble just like any structure without a foundation.

I'd like to get married in the not too distant future (ideally before I graduate), but I need to figure out a way to meet girls that doesn't involve bars for that to happen I think. Thanks to my sausage fest major that isn't quite so easy.
Posted 1/20/07
Well, my parents were never married, broke up when I was three and they hate eachother. They fight over everything.......it's quite funny now but when I was little it was something else.

Back to the topic

marriage is a big step to take and if you're going to marry young, you should be some what mature in that choice or you're in for a hell of a ride.

My say on divorce, it can be good if necessary and the couple are willing to be rational during the process of divorce and after if you have little ones.
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