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Post Reply "Fallen Angel" by Ichigo-bankai
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Posted 4/26/08 , edited 1/21/09
I finished the eleventh episode, please read. Sorry for the two blanks in the episode, trying to find a name for them. If you have any ideas for them, please tell me. One are the higher ups of town. Like the rich and spoiled, other is the low class and poor, thugs and all that.

Episode 1

The Awakening







Episode 2

The Discovery






Episode 3

A "Little" Help






Episode 4

Behind the Shadows






Episode 5

The Training Begins






Episode 6

Training With Rin






Episode 7

Training with Rin (Cont.)






Episode 8

Tools of Murder





Episode 9

Unexpected Encounter






Episode 10

In Death's Hands





UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Episode 11


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Posted 4/26/08 , edited 1/21/09
Under Construction

Episode 12

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Posted 4/26/08 , edited 4/26/08
haha, thanks, =), wasnt completely my idea though. i had help with it, would love to mention his/her name, but sadly i dont remember. =(
Posted 4/26/08
The guys name that thought of the anime tittle was kungpowshorts credit goes to him. Good idea.
Posted 4/26/08
Create void in you're head.... emptyines ahaahaha the Zero Lousie from Zero no Tskuima man that brings back some good memories from watching the show

This part was awesome, so well written nicely described. 5/5 I realy liked it, watch out I may steal it
Bring together all your hate, your envy, your loathing, even your fear, and once you have done so, let those feelings encompass you. Let yourself be swallowed in the darkness, let it consume you, then, you will see a burning fire. Grasp that fire, let the heat incinerate you, and then you will turn while feeling all the agony your body can stand. Then when the agony has ceased and you feel a cold sensation run through your body, you will have completed your first Turn. You might not be successful on your first attempt, but it will come with time. Patience is another key to this first step of your training

I liked idea of the way to morph hmm, try to make a chapter tittle from here somehow... hmm I'm gatering some ideas....

“No blood for you!” ahahahah that I must see... the scene when she hit'sa him whit a frying pan

ahaha
I though this sentence was funny also: “Great! I am in lots of pain, and I mostly remember a frying pan making contact with my face.” (Sarcasam he uses it a lot)

Honestly I thought the the chapter 6 won't countinue the story I thought you got of a subject a little but it's all right now...

Remember more cliff hangers, better!
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Posted 4/26/08
haha, thanks. I worked a lot on that paragraph u mentioned, lol. I really got into it. And yeah, he is on the sarcastic side. I could only get the sentence "Great! I am in lots of pain....." Because of yalls (you and cloud) suggestion of the frying pan. Haha, i didnt know how to end that one with a cliff hanger, maybe when he falls, i end it there? (dont add the part where he barely catches on to the land thingy)
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Posted 4/27/08
wow 7th ep really good! I love it how youve done rin describing how he should turn thats so cool!
I really like this ep and its descriptiveness
youve come a long way since the first one!
and I have to critique
excelelent
lol
im fed up with feelin mean!
next ep....
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Posted 4/27/08
wow good job on the 7th chapter ichigo, i'm like the whole training thing Sado had to do.... really nice. O and i'm sensing that Rin and Yyu like each other
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Posted 4/30/08
Good job with episode 7
Hehe kinda funny when Rin slammed a pan on Yyusei
And good job describing how Yyusei was supposed to morph .
Can't wait for the next one, and keep on doing a great job
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Posted 4/30/08 , edited 7/13/08
lol thanks. It was CloudChaser's Raiden_Stormstrider's, and my idea. We kinda combined things to get to it, lol.
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Posted 4/30/08
Wow, this was very good. this story keeps your interest unlike so many others that can loose the reader or never picked up from the beginng. rating 1-10, a 10 good job Ichi! I also like your characters very much, they have distinctive personalities and that keep is interesting ^-^ I hope to read more soon, Ichi! Keep up the good work.



Suggestions:
1) never use the word suddenly in a story such as this(it's really tacky)
2) Make sure when each character speaks that they have seperate lines or paragraghs. However when one person speaks and the other is thinking or discribing, it is acceptable for them to be on the same line or paragragh.

Example:
"I don't care what you think!" said Andrew.
"Then don't bring it up!" exclaimed Shanon.

Example 2:
"I....I don't understand what you mean....", Alexis cried as she grapped my shirt. She was so weak and frusterated. I felt so sorry for her, but i knew nothing I would say would make her pain go away.

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Posted 4/30/08

KagomeAya wrote:

Wow, this was very good. this story keeps your interest unlike so many others that can loose the reader or never picked up from the beginng. rating 1-10, a 10 good job Ichi! I also like your characters very much, they have distinctive personalities and that keep is interesting ^-^ I hope to read more soon, Ichi! Keep up the good work.



Suggestions:
1) never use the word suddenly in a story such as this(it's really tacky)
2) Make sure when each character speaks that they have seperate lines or paragraghs. However when one person speaks and the other is thinking or discribing, it is acceptable for them to be on the same line or paragragh.

Example:
"I don't care what you think!" said Andrew.
"Then don't bring it up!" exclaimed Shanon.

Example 2:
"I....I don't understand what you mean....", Alexis cried as she grapped my shirt. She was so weak and frusterated. I felt so sorry for her, but i knew nothing I would say would make her pain go away.



Thanks a lot, really appreciate it. Yeah i know what u mean with the seperate lines. Shoul di go back an edit? i think i am too lazy, night take some time, but i will do that in the future episodes, think that will be fine? And really, thanks a lot. for the advice and the comment
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Posted 5/1/08
wow! now ive named an episode and the series!!!
i feel special
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Posted 5/1/08
lol, u should feel special
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Posted 5/3/08
I love it, especially towards the end.

On a scale of one to ten:

Characters: 9
They're all well defined, but there is nothing so noticably different about them that I can't say I haven't seen them in anime before.

Flow: 10
This is perfect. The story traveled at a nice, smooth pace.

Story: --
I really like the looks of things so far, so I would say "8," but I feel like I don't know enough yet.

Right now, I'm more interested in Sado as a fighter and a character than Yyuusei. Wierd, huh?
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