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Post Reply "Fallen Angel" by Ichigo-bankai
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Posted 5/20/08

animejoy95 wrote:

I loved that episode. I really thought Sado was gonna die! Really good ... I think ep 10 is my fav. episode
Keep up the good work ^_^


thanks,
Posted 5/20/08 , edited 5/20/08
episode 10 is my favourite now to animejoy95! Woah lots of action lately it was tight for Sado but still Kick A** chapter... now I can realy think of manga format.. I dreamed the first episode... hmm only Rin had a White Hair... and I found it weird at the end lol my crayz imaginations
Posted 5/20/08
Didn't commented you're story for a long time. Sorry, I didn't read it a couple of days .
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Posted 5/20/08
Nice story you have hear ichigo,I really like it.
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Posted 5/26/08
I finished the eleventh episode, please read. Sorry for the two blanks in the episode, trying to find a name for them. If you have any ideas for them, please tell me. One are the higher ups of town. Like the rich and spoiled, other is the low class and poor, thugs and all that enjoy!
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Posted 5/26/08 , edited 5/26/08
you're right it does need a bit of work
but its still good
the begining of the latest episode was a bit confusing
btu i understood probably because Iv got used to your style of writing

and about the chapter before that also very good
I only just read that too
Im a bit behind with life at the moment lol

are the blanks gonna have names of organisiations in?
if you need any help with that just ask k

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Posted 5/26/08

FallenAngel159 wrote:

you're right it does need a bit of work
but its still good
the begining of the latest episode was a bit confusing
btu i understood probably because Iv got used to your style of writing

and about the chapter before that also very good
I only just read that too
Im a bit behind with life at the moment lol

are the blanks gonna have names of organisiations in?
if you need any help with that just ask k



It was confusing? Will have to look at that then. For the blanks, look at my 1st post at the top above the 1st episode
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Posted 5/26/08

Ichigo-bankai wrote:


FallenAngel159 wrote:

you're right it does need a bit of work
but its still good
the begining of the latest episode was a bit confusing
btu i understood probably because Iv got used to your style of writing

and about the chapter before that also very good
I only just read that too
Im a bit behind with life at the moment lol

are the blanks gonna have names of organisiations in?
if you need any help with that just ask k



It was confusing? Will have to look at that then. For the blanks, look at my 1st post at the top above the 1st episode


only a little I think it might be the way you've set it out and will do
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Posted 5/26/08

FallenAngel159 wrote:


Ichigo-bankai wrote:


FallenAngel159 wrote:

you're right it does need a bit of work
but its still good
the begining of the latest episode was a bit confusing
btu i understood probably because Iv got used to your style of writing

and about the chapter before that also very good
I only just read that too
Im a bit behind with life at the moment lol

are the blanks gonna have names of organisiations in?
if you need any help with that just ask k



It was confusing? Will have to look at that then. For the blanks, look at my 1st post at the top above the 1st episode


only a little I think it might be the way you've set it out and will do


Okiedokie, we will find out if it works or not, lol
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Posted 5/27/08
Your story is very interesting, though I would give you an 8.99999999 (you get the point) out of 10. Why? Basically, I love vampire stories. And the scenes/ episodes flow smoothly, the characters are unique, you don't blend their personalities together, and the action is okay.

However, my tutor drilled this into my brain... so I have no choice but to say all this:
For your descriptions, they are okay... but is it alright to describe items/ portals/ emotions/ ect?
And you wrote "A knife flashed in the air." How can the readers tell that it's a knife? Guide your reader into knowing the weapon (i.e. "A flash of blue appeared in the air, its ringing vibration was the only sound audible within the silence. Yyuusei inhaled sharply as he realized, moments later, that it was a knife." Then you could go on and do whatever you want.)
The first paragraph is great (I give you 10 outta 10), so you get the description down, but please remember to include it with other items.
And now... the numbers... all numbers in a story/ written in word-format below the number 10 has ta be in word format...
Example:
"said one of the figures in black, with a 1 on his face and the back of his cloak."
Correct Example
"said one of the figures in black, with the number one on his face and the back of his cloak."


That's about it for the criticisms... gosh... I am so sorry... >.<
But you're the master of drama! ^^ You make us readers want to read more the your episodes. You have talent!
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Posted 5/28/08
What can i say ichigo - bankai, I think episode 11 was good just as the others.
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Posted 5/28/08

Shadow_Lucifer wrote:

Your story is very interesting, though I would give you an 8.99999999 (you get the point) out of 10. Why? Basically, I love vampire stories. And the scenes/ episodes flow smoothly, the characters are unique, you don't blend their personalities together, and the action is okay.

However, my tutor drilled this into my brain... so I have no choice but to say all this:
For your descriptions, they are okay... but is it alright to describe items/ portals/ emotions/ ect?
And you wrote "A knife flashed in the air." How can the readers tell that it's a knife? Guide your reader into knowing the weapon (i.e. "A flash of blue appeared in the air, its ringing vibration was the only sound audible within the silence. Yyuusei inhaled sharply as he realized, moments later, that it was a knife." Then you could go on and do whatever you want.)
The first paragraph is great (I give you 10 outta 10), so you get the description down, but please remember to include it with other items.
And now... the numbers... all numbers in a story/ written in word-format below the number 10 has ta be in word format...
Example:
"said one of the figures in black, with a 1 on his face and the back of his cloak."
Correct Example
"said one of the figures in black, with the number one on his face and the back of his cloak."


That's about it for the criticisms... gosh... I am so sorry... >.<
But you're the master of drama! ^^ You make us readers want to read more the your episodes. You have talent!


Thankyou for the critiquing, i understand everything u were saying. And thanks. It makes perfect sense. When i get an idea though, i usually just try to get it all down at once, and i am a bit too lazy to go through it and edit. SO thanks for pointing this out, and thanks for the compliment along with reading the story altogether. =
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Posted 5/28/08

animejoy95 wrote:

What can i say ichigo - bankai, I think episode 11 was good just as the others.


hehe, thanks.
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Posted 5/31/08
Interesting twist in chapter 11, ichigo.
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Posted 5/31/08

jadenik wrote:

Interesting twist in chapter 11, ichigo.


yay, thankyou
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