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Khadar747 story/manga/anime "Grafitti"
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Posted 4/26/08 , edited 4/27/08
Chapter1
Markings


I upgraded it so enjoy and comment on what u think now
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Posted 4/26/08
It is a really good idea, just some small things though. There arent many transitions, so it is a little choppy. And you used "I" for two people. You should only use it for your main guy in my opinion. Also, you should introduce your characters more and make it more clear when someone is talking, and who they are talking to. But it is a really good idea, and if you need any help, just ask, =)
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Posted 4/26/08
i used I only for the main character if you see I it would be mainly for the main character the other people i used there names like Neku Sonia Cleopatra ect...
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Posted 4/26/08
well you edited it, so now that "I" thing isnt much of a problem, good job. But u still may want to introduce them more
Posted 4/26/08
hmm it all good idea realy liked it put I don't like the names, they are kinda used... Quake theres a game u probably heared it from that and this Neku Sonia Cleopatra
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Posted 4/26/08
well do u have any good names to replace them with yea i was having big trouble with there names so i put random ones just to fill it in for now
Posted 4/26/08

khadar747 wrote:

well do u have any good names to replace them with yea i was having big trouble with there names so i put random ones just to fill it in for now


well crunetly I'm out of inspiration but I'l let you know if I figure out something I'l be glad to help so far the idea is unique
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Posted 4/26/08
just an idea, but google english japanese dictionary, if you are interested in japanese names. And in english words, like. Heart, sword, brave, i dunno. Things like that, thats what i do sometimes. Just an idea though
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Posted 4/27/08
i changed the name of the city to Shikyo and ill change the names after once i find good ones to like match everyones personalities
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Posted 4/27/08
its good and I like the Idead! Bankais right it is a bit "choppy" I suppose becasue I kept loosing track and found it hard to follow it all depends if you want the names to be japanese not all mangas have japanese names! www.behindthename.com has names and their meanings! its a really good site! they havnt got all the names on and you can vary them like Naruto means nothing its just a variation of the name haruto! and I would also like to say just because cleopatra isnt a traditional japanese name doesnt mean you cant use it! we've adapted lots of foreign names to our culture and country!

ps cant wait 4 next installment!
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Posted 4/27/08

FallenAngel159 wrote:

its good and I like the Idead! Bankais right it is a bit "choppy" I suppose becasue I kept loosing track and found it hard to follow it all depends if you want the names to be japanese not all mangas have japanese names! www.behindthename.com has names and their meanings! its a really good site! they havnt got all the names on and you can vary them like Naruto means nothing its just a variation of the name haruto! and I would also like to say just because cleopatra isnt a traditional japanese name doesnt mean you cant use it! we've adapted lots of foreign names to our culture and country!

ps cant wait 4 next installment!


>>lol, i am just looking thru the comments u put down, for mine, cloud's, and this one. You have really good advice, =)
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Posted 4/27/08

Ichigo-bankai wrote:


FallenAngel159 wrote:

its good and I like the Idead! Bankais right it is a bit "choppy" I suppose becasue I kept loosing track and found it hard to follow it all depends if you want the names to be japanese not all mangas have japanese names! www.behindthename.com has names and their meanings! its a really good site! they havnt got all the names on and you can vary them like Naruto means nothing its just a variation of the name haruto! and I would also like to say just because cleopatra isnt a traditional japanese name doesnt mean you cant use it! we've adapted lots of foreign names to our culture and country!

ps cant wait 4 next installment!


>>lol, i am just looking thru the comments u put down, for mine, cloud's, and this one. You have really good advice, =)


i agree XD
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Posted 4/27/08
Yea i upgraded the story like hardcore so it might be like wayyy better
Posted 4/28/08
wow let's just say a good fan fitcion....only problem is it's a bit raw I kept loosing track and found it hard to follow....
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Posted 4/28/08
ok much better! I can follow it now all you have to do knwo is work on is deciding if your gonna write in "dialogue" or add the dialogue to your sentenec if you get what I mean as you shifted a bit with it. other than that loving it!
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