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Can a meaningful romantic relationship exist between an adult and a child?
Posted 11/3/09 , edited 11/3/09

CrispyCritter wrote:

The reports are out there. It's not like I keep them on hand or something. Google it? Search provides plenty of results related to the findings i mentioned. It causes quite a a bit of controversy.

http://www.section21.m6.net/res-apa.php
http://www.narth.com/docs/pedcrisis.html
http://www.exodusinternational.org/content/view/182/56/
http://www.stormfront.org/forum/showthread.php?t=74882


I don't know the full contents of all these articles, some are probably not 100% related but nevertheless contain references to the APA findings that such relationships are not intrinsically harmful, and intrinsic is a very key concept in that statement. It doesn't mean it can't be harmful within a particular context, just that it isn't exclusively harmful by virtue of human nature. There can be, in an ideal circumstance where no abusive intent exists, a positive experience with such a relationship. So they seem to say at least.

How could a child ideally has romantic relationship with another person? When the human's frontal lobe, which is "considered our emotional control center and home to our personality"(citation), only "reaches full maturity around age 25"(citation). Not to mention is the fact that:

At approximately 6 years of age, most children will have established a keen interest in "how babies are made". Children are becoming cognitively sophisticated enough that they will want to know how the sperm and the egg get together. Some, but not all, children in this age range will begin to be aware of the link between reproduction with sexual pleasure. In addition to possible discussions with parents or lessons taught at school, children will hear accounts of human reproduction from peers and be aware of sexuality content in the media.

Some children in this age range (although a minority) will occasionally and consciously masturbate for pleasure(citation).

Therefore unless you're suggesting that an underdeveloped frontal lobe is a virtuous human nature, when teens and young adults with underdeveloped frontal lobes are primed and programed for too much instant gratification by the modern society, while not so much as in judgment based on mental maturity.
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Posted 11/3/09 , edited 11/3/09
First of all, I can certainly say that I had some form of romantic feelings at that age. It's simple. I had crushes, it was what it was. So do lots of kids. It's not exactly a mystery. I don't think an adult/child relationship will ever be equal to adult/adult in terms of romantic depth, but that doesn't mean some form of romantic interest doesn't exist. Also, you're missing the point that it doesn't have to be equal to an adult/adult relationship, it just has to be a positive experience. Not all relationships are equal, but that doesn't mean they're harmful.

The question was: Can a meaningful romantic relationship exist between and adult and a child? It probably can. It just won't be as deep, and why should it have to be as long as it wasn't a negative experience? Is it possible for it to carry on into adulthood? I'd would image so, why not? I'm sure attractions in youth have developed into a full blown marriage in adult hood somewhere on this planet before.
Posted 11/3/09

CrispyCritter wrote:

<_<

You sound like a kid. Do you know what love is?



are u toking bout my comment? o.o
yeahh i am a kid, im only 14 years old. & to tell ya the truth, i dun noe wat love is since i've never experience once.
but im sure wen a kid is growing up , u wanna have more freedom & experience more stuff.
so i think that maybe being in a adult and a child relationship, u cant have that. what if that guy is being possessive of the child? & maybe it will lead to something bad.
I agree that Age is just a number but idk a Adult & child relationship to me is just weird. [ not that i am against it ]

Oh and if u're not toking about my comment.
Just ignore this
Posted 11/3/09

CrispyCritter wrote:

First of all, I can certainly say that I had some form of romantic feelings at that age. It's simple. I had crushes, it was what it was. So do lots of kids. It's not exactly a mystery. I don't think an adult/child relationship will ever be equal to adult/adult in terms of romantic depth, but that doesn't mean some form of romantic interest doesn't exist. Also, you're missing the point that it doesn't have to be equal to an adult/adult relationship, it just has to be a positive experience. Not all relationships are equal, but that doesn't mean they're harmful.

The question was: Can a meaningful romantic relationship exist between and adult and a child? It probably can. It just won't be as deep, and why should it have to be as long as it wasn't a negative experience? Is it possible for it to carry on into adulthood? I'd would image so, why not? I'm sure attractions in youth have developed into a full blown marriage in adult hood somewhere on this planet before.

Because fantasy role-play like that is worst than platonic relationship. It's based on simple curiosity rather than a mutual understanding and a commitment about oneself and each other. That's what a crush ultimately is; a one-sided unrequited love affair(citation).
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Posted 11/4/09 , edited 11/4/09
A crush is one sided when it can't be expressed. If it can be expressed it can go into romance. It's not roleplay. It's not necessarily monkey see monkey do. Kids aren't another species. They are emotional beings. I was one. I had romantic attractions to the opposite sex. Nothing you can say will change that. You're assertion essentially amounts to "it's bad because it's bad". That's just spinning wheels, it's not a discussion that's going anywhere. I think an adult/child relationship has plenty of potential for negative impact, but that's all dependent on the social reception, and of the intent/behavior of the adult who is in a position to exploit. Harm is not inherent to such relationships, but there is obvious potential for harm...

anyway this is getting boring fast x_x
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Posted 11/4/09

LenaIeeXAllen
are u toking bout my comment? o.o
yeahh i am a kid, im only 14 years old. & to tell ya the truth, i dun noe wat love is since i've never experience once.
but im sure wen a kid is growing up , u wanna have more freedom & experience more stuff.
so i think that maybe being in a adult and a child relationship, u cant have that. what if that guy is being possessive of the child? & maybe it will lead to something bad.
I agree that Age is just a number but idk a Adult & child relationship to me is just weird. [ not that i am against it ]

Oh and if u're not toking about my comment.
Just ignore this


If the adult is manipulating and coercing the younger person there's gonna be a problem because there's no love there. In an ideal world where those motivations didn't exist, I don't think there would be a problem.

It is weird, and im not saying people should go out and do it, just that it's not as black and white bad bad bad as some would say.
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Posted 11/4/09 , edited 11/4/09

xjamer wrote:

hum ..........I guess I'm not against this but their are many reasons why old guys and young kids shoudn't be together like yeah lets see if a young girl not older than 6-10 get married and gets pregnant she could die am I right but if not she might have an infection in her body but if they really care for each other they should talk this over right?


Why did you just say guy? O.o There are older women as well, you shoudn't point out just men. And even so, on the back side, the older woman could get pregnant as well.

But by geneitcs, 6-10 yrs girls don't start delevoping their eggs yet. Normally it is a little later. And the body of a female, when pregnant, is able to abort the fetus when it so desires. During ANY womans lifetime, they atleast udergo preganacy multiple times but dont even know becuase the body had aborted it.

I am not trying to call you out, its just the misunderstanding of 10 yr girls being knocked up is just...a little bit of an overraction.
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Posted 11/4/09
As was said, this is difficult topic to discuss because of the diversity of any question or answer. If you could just narrow down what your point was then it would be easier to discuss! ^^ (i didn't mean that in a rude way -.-")

First off, romance can mean anything. Not just sex. And i do believe that if the adult and the child have the same feelings then i think its okay. However, defining age ranges, some are okay some are not. Now if we are talking Adult and young Adult then it would i feel it would be okay. And honestly, if the "child (whatever age, hopefully older than 12)" is in a relationship with an adult, it is upon the adult to take on the responsiblitites for caring, not only loving, for the child. They must also take upon themselves to make sure the child is comfortable, otherwise then you could consider it pedophelia.

On the other hand, As for Adult/Young Adult, (in other words something like Student/teacher relationship) i think it would be okay. No relationship should need approval of no one elses' but the couple themselves. I, personally have a student/teacher relationship going on. (Its not physical or romantic, we a just really good friends, and hopefully by the time i reach my considerable adult age, it will hopefully turn into something more. But for now, we are just good friends that like to talk. ^^ so please, do not take this out of porportion. Thank you)

But as a child, (we know we teens are still children) adults will always condencend us, no matter how much we prove them we maybe twice our age. There will always be relationships out there, whether pedophelia or true "love", and there will always be assholes that are truly naive to love.

"love knows no boundries or limits, love knows no age, love only knows the sweet bliss it grants to those wish for it."

however, i believe that children are the most innocent type of human form out their. They are able to connect spiritually with spirits/dead. Its been scientifically proven (not that the paranormal and science should go hand in hand) I also belive that children can be naive and ignorant but they know what their heart tells them. Children are the most carefree of life forms, so whether the child can determine love from harm, is soley up to them. And to children, everything is sentimental as well as "fun and games". So even if the child does not know, they will think that its a game and go along with it.

And i think thats why most older adults are so interested (i dont think thats the appropriate term) in the young. Most adults have been forced to grow up early, Micheal Jackson for instance, he was forced into fame at an early age an missed out on his childhood, why do you think he built his amusement park? Psychologically, he wanted to return to the childhood he missedout on. And the child molesting thing, i personally think is just an act of attention and a run for MJ"s money.

Most adults aren't able to control themselves because they are just like children inside. And so when an adult acts like a child, it is most likely that the adult and child will grow a stronger bond.

But who am i to say? Only Psychocolgy can really tell the truth behind most things. But perhaps it can't find a truth for things such as this, Love. Love is a strong word and often misused for lust. So who knows. Not even my opionion matters. No one's does. But even so, these forums are just for informational purposes. So no need to get worked up over it. ^^ I had more to say, but i think it would only be pointless to post....

~I rest my Case


Posted 11/4/09

CrispyCritter wrote:

A crush is one sided when it can't be expressed. If it can be expressed it can go into romance. It's not roleplay. It's not necessarily monkey see monkey do. Kids aren't another species. They are emotional beings. I was one. I had romantic attractions to the opposite sex. Nothing you can say will change that. You're assertion essentially amounts to "it's bad because it's bad". That's just spinning wheels, it's not a discussion that's going anywhere. I think an adult/child relationship has plenty of potential for negative impact, but that's all dependent on the social reception, and of the intent/behavior of the adult who is in a position to exploit. Harm is not inherent to such relationships, but there is obvious potential for harm...

anyway this is getting boring fast x_x

I'm saying it's bad because it's abnormal for kids to initiate and reciprocate real romantic intimacy on an adult level, with their underdeveloped frontal lobes. It's therefore biologically impossible and thereby morally wrong, to force a child to mentally perform something that they're not ready to do.

That's why there's such a thing call sexual child abuse, when adults who were sexually abused as children could resulting in them developing pedophilia; a known sexual disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
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Posted 11/10/09
Until you have had an adult tell you how special you are to them and how good looking you are and how they need to be close to you. Then. you as a lonely, overlooked child feel you have found someone who will be your friend. Right to the point where they gently, lovingly push something inside you...a pain a violation that you can't explain or comprehend. Inside you know something is damaged, you feel dirty and ashamed without anybody telling you. You keep your secret, you won't even tell the person who did this to you because you are afraid that you will lose that special friend, you even let them do a second time because they love you. Then your body betrays you. At premature ages you get sexual urges that you can't explain, and can't always control because your body is responding before you can grasp whats happening, you get confused about sex and love. You hate yourself because every time you let yourself be touched, violated your mind screams in protest even as your body responds. In order to be loved you must be sexual, and there are plenty of people out there who are willing to 'love' you until they get tired of you. I never told anyone my story until I became an adult. I suffered in silence and in fear of rejection until the day I became strong enough to say no and avoid my rapist. My late teen years and early adult years were a mess because an older person 'loved' me.
I do not judge you for your sexual urges, I know people who struggle with this..... BUT DO NOT try to rationalize or justify your pedophilia. Deal with it just like an alcoholic or drug addict. The person you 'love' is now permanently damaged. Love should never hurt physically or emotionally!
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Posted 12/21/09
Possibly.

But I guess that the adult and the child can wait until the child grows up to be of legal courting age, and be sure that their feelings did not waver, that it wasn't simply a childish infatuation, but love. If the adult seems to have lost interest in the child by that time, that means that person did not truly love the child, and is a freakish pedophile that only likes underage kids.

I mean, it's not like the child won't ever grow up, right? Can't they just wait?
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Posted 12/21/09
i mean, this is good question, but i truly think you need to set some guidelines for this.

In my opinion, "adult" and "child" means child = <13 adult= >26

with those definitions, i'd say such a relationship would be a little flimsy, mostly due to the fact that most 13 year olds and under have really not yet to develop there minds and really have no sense of self.

but if what you're referring to is a large AGE GAP, then i believe anything is possible, as long as the younger partner has truly matured and not completely ignorant.

We keep preaching about "unconditional love" yet why are so many people on this forum so close-minded?
sheesh.
Posted 12/21/09
depends on ur definition of a child. but anyone under 18 thats just gross..but people are strange...

but i know ill never have a huge age gap in a future relationship...but then again ill probably be alone forever..cuz every girl i like turns out to be an idiot...i swear i must attract stupidity... >_>
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Posted 1/13/10

azuretome wrote:

Until you have had an adult tell you how special you are to them and how good looking you are and how they need to be close to you. Then. you as a lonely, overlooked child feel you have found someone who will be your friend. Right to the point where they gently, lovingly push something inside you...a pain a violation that you can't explain or comprehend. Inside you know something is damaged, you feel dirty and ashamed without anybody telling you. You keep your secret, you won't even tell the person who did this to you because you are afraid that you will lose that special friend, you even let them do a second time because they love you. Then your body betrays you. At premature ages you get sexual urges that you can't explain, and can't always control because your body is responding before you can grasp whats happening, you get confused about sex and love. You hate yourself because every time you let yourself be touched, violated your mind screams in protest even as your body responds. In order to be loved you must be sexual, and there are plenty of people out there who are willing to 'love' you until they get tired of you. I never told anyone my story until I became an adult. I suffered in silence and in fear of rejection until the day I became strong enough to say no and avoid my rapist. My late teen years and early adult years were a mess because an older person 'loved' me.
I do not judge you for your sexual urges, I know people who struggle with this..... BUT DO NOT try to rationalize or justify your pedophilia. Deal with it just like an alcoholic or drug addict. The person you 'love' is now permanently damaged. Love should never hurt physically or emotionally!


I hope that they read your post and actually learn something from it.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It was very brave of you to post your experience with this, and its aftermath. Perhaps it will help some people who have experienced the same thing, and stop some people who might see some young person, not as a human, but as the projection of an anime loli.
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