Post Reply Undead, by Dandare
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28 / M / Secret ^^
Posted 4/28/08 , edited 5/2/08



"Have you ever wondered about the place where you could find a bright future, without worring about trivial matters?
The place free of taxes where everyone would be granted with a really great start in life? I'll ask you: are you brave enough to face the picture of a great future?
If yes: come and join our new world! We will bring you everything! Anyone who is a real hope to our world would be accepted! Join now! Come and see where you belong! Come to Neotopia!"

Chapter one - train.

In the one of the compartments in a train was sitting young man typing somthing on his laptop without big concern. His hair was dark and bit messy and he seemed to be focused very much on laptop screen's content. After a while train stopped to take new passangers. This while somone came to the compartment. It was some guy in glasses with a red hair and young girl in dress. Girl's hair was same colour as guy's so they seemed to be family even on a first thought. It was quite funny since girl despite of age was lot more cool than guy. Then guy started to talk:

-Can we take a places here?

He seemed to be a gentle and well mannered. Dark haired boy turned his sight on pair and returned smile.

-Of course. I don't mind that at all.

-Oh, that's a relief. I didn't ever thought this train would be soo crowded. *started to place the bags* It seems like everyone got hook up on this Neotopia fever.

-*laughing a bit* Yes, it's really interesting how many people want to join this whole project.

Red hair guy sat down a bit tired. Same time girl was already calmly sitting. For a while they were sitting all like that without a word. Dark haired boy was all the time typing something on his computer. Girl started loosing her cool. Sound of neverending typing o keyboard started irritating her. After quite while she took a voice.

-Could you please stop playing some dummy games mister!?

-Oh, c'mon Guin! We cannot forbid such things to other passangers!

Girl turned angry sight on red haired guy. He seemed to be a bit worried about that.

-I wasn't asking you about that brother.

Sound of closing laptop went thruu cabine. Dark haired boy smiled toward angry girl.

-I'm sorry about that. I didn't thought it may be soo irritating. Once again I apologize. *bowed while sitting*

Girl seemed to lost her thought. She blushed a bit, no wonder why, and calmed down.

-I... guess that's ok now. *she only told*

-Oh, my *red hair guy started* She's definitely in "that" age already! I must apologize for that behaviour, but the children grow soo fast nowadays.

-Brother, one more word and you will suffer.

-Oh... sorry Guin. To think about that... we didn't introduce ourselves yet?

-*dark hair boy smiled* No, but since you came here I also didn't done this, so I think it's my fault ^^. Let me fix that. *stood up* My name is Daniel Blaise Rastaban. *bowed* At your service.

-It's REALLY nice to meet someone with such manners Daniel. I'm pleased.

-*scratching head* No I don't think that I'm especcially good mannered... hehe.

-I think it's our time now. *red haired guy stood up like Daniel before* My name is Arnister Gefrey Kelly and this young lady...

-... I can introduce myself on my own brother!

-Oh, sorry *dumb smile*

Girl gently stood up.

-My name is Guinevere Calanthe Kelly. *She bowed like a lady*

-She's SOO cute isn't she?! That my little sister! That's my Guin! *He got kicked in leg by her*

Both, Guin and Arnister sat down. Then Arnister started to continue.

-To think about that... were you really playing games on your computer mister Daniel?

-Heh, I would wish to but not this time. I was working a bit.


-Yes, in fact I'm computer scientist.

-Oh, it's rather interesting. I heard this isn't a job for everyone. Also... no offense but I always thought it's work only for some older guys to be professionals with those things. Are really telling the truth to us mister Daniel?

-*Guin took the voice* Brother. That wasn't very nice!

-Really? Please accept my apologies then mister Daniel.

-I really don't mind... and please, cut that "mister"... since I'm 16 that makes me almost laugh.

-Really?? *Arnister seemed surprised*

-What really?

-Sorry Daniel, but same time... aren't you a bit to tall to be 16 ?...

Daniel laughed.

-No... I know I'm tall... but even since I'm 190cm I'm still quite a brat.

-That's surprising. It seems that Guin is more around your age than me...

-You're just old man brother *Guin smirked*

-Are you serious? *Daniel became curious about this fact*

-Yes. Guin not long ago end up 12 years... same time I'm already...

-...He's over 25. *Guin smiled*

-You, didn't need to tell that to him like that. *sigh*

Daniel seemed to e pretty entartained. He looked at Guin and Arnister once again. Suddenly something hook up him on Arnister. Daniel suddenly grabbed his forehead.

-Are you ok? *Arnister asked concerned*

-Yeah... I need to go for a while. I'll be right back.

Daniel went outside the compartment holding his head. Arnister and Guin end up alone. For some reason the atmosphere became bit more tense.

-Are we really be fine brother?

Arnister adjusted his glasses and smiled.

-Are started to doubt in your big brother Guin?

He took up one of his hands and opened it.

-You know that if somethings happen I'll protect you...

In his hand appeard a fire soo intensive that it's colour was almost blue. all cost.

Arnister closed hand and fire disappeared. Guin smiled a little bit. It seemed like she felt a little relief hearing her brother's words.

-I know that. Thank you.

Chapter two - Arrival

Last stage of journey was te underwater tunnel directly connected to the island. Once the train passed it whole five hours long trace end up. Arnister pick up the baggages.

-I hope we would meet later on mi... I mean Daniel.

Daniel smiled, but in fact he seemed spacing out a bit.

-I also hope so.

They went out. Neotopia... city created on artificial island near australia. It was a huge project indeed. No wonder why the station was huge sophisticated like none other. Even Guin's eyes were sparkling brightly watching whole this shiny structure. For passangers already were waiting workers from neotopia adminitration office. Each was assigned to show new citizens their place to live and place to work. In fact, everything seemed to be very organized but the same time arrival itself seemed like a huge party. There were also musicians and all sorts of entartainers welcoming everyone from the train. Indeed: Neotopia seemed like new world.

After while one of administration office workers came toward Arnister and Guin.

-Good morning. Forgive my rudness, but am I talking with mister Arnister Kelly?

Arnister smiled gently.

-Yes, yes this is me and that littlegirl with me is my sister Guin.

-How fortunate! Let me please to drive you to a new apartment. Afterwards mister Sato also wanted to invite you to this midnight ball.

-Ball? But why?

-Well... mister Sato is one of greatest sponsors of Neotopia and actually a president here. He was very happy to hear that a famour journalist would like to live here.

Office worker smiled widely. This person doesn't seem to fishy... rather plain. A typical pen pusher and nothing more. They came to his car. Officeman started to drive. Then Arnister pick up the conversation.

-How is it to live here?

Officeman smiled.

-It's really nice. we don't need really to pay for a living and everyone can find wellpaid and very comfortable work. It's even better then commercials say.

They arrived before quite big house... or a small mansion would me better to describe this house. Their driver started taking their baggage to it.

-There is no need for... *Arnister tried o say something*

-No, no! It's my duty!

Soon they unpacket few things and officema told he must leave now.

-But please remember mister Kelly about today midnight party!

-Of course, but I don't even know yet where it would be held?

Office worked gave him invitation.

-And of course it's for two persons so you can take your sister mister Kelly. The whole party would be held on 10 floor of Sato's tower. It's the sky raiser ine the middle of city. There will be no problem finding it since it's the highest structure on whole island.

-Ok, thanks then.

Officeman leaved. Guin came back from upstairs.

-What an annoying guy.

-You shouldn't say so Guin. He helped us with baggages. It was rather nice person.

-*sigh* Whatever. It's just that he was boring.

-Better prepare some nice dress Guin.

-What? Are you seriously want to go for this whole ball?

-It's rather good idea. If we would be lucky we can get some vital informations.

-But why I need to go with you?

-Wouldn't it be better if I go with cute little sister? *Arnister smiled proudly*

-One more word and you would suffer brother...


Daniel unpacked in his own house and tried to get some rest. Suddenly his cellphone started ringing. He loked upon it's screen and pick up the call.

-What is it Alex?

-How mean!

-Ehhh... sorry, but I'm tired after this whole trip. Are have something for me?

-No, hehe. I'm just calling to see how are you.

-...ok... I guess I'm fine.

-Was there any action yet?

-Nothing special... at least nothing important.

-Ooh, so there was something?

-... really nothing important.

-Ok, c'mon just tell me! I have no orders yet so I'm bored...

-Ok... I saw predeath of one guy.

-REALLY? With that whole glam...

-Could you please let me end my thought?

-Oh, sorry!! I'll be quiet.

-It wasn't normal. I mean I didn't really saw him dead.

-Soo... what did you saw?

-Same guy... but... with plain grey skin, double teeth and... he seemed. It's rather hard to describe.

-Wow... what would happen to that guy?

-Rather what can happen... remember this isn't 100% anyway.

-Yeah, I remember. Do you want me to check some info about that?

-If you could... yes.

-Ok! And by the way: how it's there? Anything special?

-Nope... Y'know, it IS rather strange place. It's like somekind of Utopia, but since that guy nothing "special" happened.

-Heh... after second thought I'm not jealous about your situation. To be forced to come to place with such lame name.

-Yeah... people who deed this had no imagination or too much of ambitions.

-Or both. Be carefull. I sense there would be some troubles.

-Soo now you're sensing things?

-Don't laugh about that! Anyway... I got to go now.
163871 cr points
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27 / F / ΨThe world is my...
Posted 5/3/08
A very good story here that you have! But may I make a suggestion? I don't want to be rude or anything. But you might just need to check on the spelling and grammar. Otherwise, you have the whole idea there. ^___^ It's all great, just it needs to be improved and put right in place. But kudos!!! Great job!
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28 / M / Secret ^^
Posted 5/3/08
I know my grammar isn't the best... English is my second language not a native one .

But the fact that somone praised me means very much for me !!! I'm touched
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27 / F / ΨThe world is my...
Posted 5/3/08
Well you're very welcome!!! ^___^ For you have done your best, and it is a great story. Will you be making the second part to it? Because I would very much like to read it.
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28 / M / Secret ^^
Posted 5/4/08
Heh.. "Devil Cage" is just prelude of 56 pages story I've made in my native... but in fact translating this is harder than making something in english from very beginning ^^ (And lately I don't have much time ). Don't worry: next part is actually translated but it's too bugged to post it yet ;P. One thing: in "Devil cage" there are only around 6 characters vital for the storyline... and not every would be in next story : "Corruption". But same time: Corruption would have many new characters like Saalin or "Sally" which is rather strange because she is a Sukkubus... or even later would appear such characters like Silver which is.... oh I don't want to spoil that ^^. In fact Daniel is probably most twisted one anyway. I can say that's somehow main character at least in Devil Cage prelude. I hope you'll enjoy reading this story ^^.
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27 / F / ΨThe world is my...
Posted 5/4/08
ZOMG, I can't wait!!!! ^______^ I'm looking forward to the next part. Can't wait!!!
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