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25 / F / in my world
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Posted 4/29/08 , edited 4/29/08
hey everybody i got a new one.....dont knw a name for it yet but here it goes


Three boys that are best friends
hang out everyday and have fun
In a way they are like brothers
from a different mother

One day while they were walking
to school they seen a girl
two of the boys thought she was
the finest girl in the school

The two boys go after her
but the third boy didnt
he wasnt interested in her

While they were fighting
they didnt notice that
she wasnt interested in them
they were blinded by lust

Instead this girl was flirting
with another guy until
one day they seen it
but couldnt believe it

They boy she was flirting
with.....was actually
their best friend
the one that wasnt interested in her

tell me ur thoughts on this one and see if u culd think of a title thanks untl next time
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24 / M / Tulsa Ok
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Posted 4/30/08
ahh that was great
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25 / F / in my world
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Posted 5/2/08
thank u thank u
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F
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Posted 5/5/08
umm... well it has a good idea... but the poem itself was not that good.. im sooOOOOoOoo srry I dont wanna seem like a bitch either. I just think that you should take time to try to revise it so that the reader doesnt feel like its reading a story but a poem.
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25 / F / in my world
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Posted 5/7/08
yes i feel u i jus couldnt put it into a poem...i thought it felt like a story....anyways thanks for ur opinion
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