Post Reply the reaction on te long haired girl
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Posted 5/2/08 , edited 5/2/08
I just want to know what you think about my story
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Posted 5/6/08
Your story has strong potential.

It's more of an outline than a piece, however. But this is just the way writers start, after all. So don't feel too badly. I struggle with this problem a lot. I also struggle with showing vs. telling, too. If you could show us the story rather than tell us the story, I think your story would be a great read. For example, you wrote that the family hated her. If you could describe scenes where this type of hate is evident, you could place your audience in your main character's shoes. This creates a feeling of connection between the reader and the character and also provides you with the opportunity to explain why her family hated her.

The story itself is interesting. A child showed love by strangers and hate by family becomes a murderess in the end and feels relief at the end of the massacre she instigates. It's quite gruesome and if you fleshed it out more, it would be horrifyingly fascinating and addictive.

Thanks for the read.
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Posted 5/7/08

scornedLilith wrote:

Your story has strong potential.

It's more of an outline than a piece, however. But this is just the way writers start, after all. So don't feel too badly. I struggle with this problem a lot. I also struggle with showing vs. telling, too. If you could show us the story rather than tell us the story, I think your story would be a great read. For example, you wrote that the family hated her. If you could describe scenes where this type of hate is evident, you could place your audience in your main character's shoes. This creates a feeling of connection between the reader and the character and also provides you with the opportunity to explain why her family hated her.

The story itself is interesting. A child showed love by strangers and hate by family becomes a murderess in the end and feels relief at the end of the massacre she instigates. It's quite gruesome and if you fleshed it out more, it would be horrifyingly fascinating and addictive.

Thanks for the read.


thank you fro that
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Posted 5/19/08
i like the story..... but it was rather short.......
i find it interesting..... hated by her family & loved by others.....
well..... really good 4 a start though..... ^^
love reading it ^^
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