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Posted 5/3/08 , edited 5/3/08
I need me some opinions!!! XD
Soooo...basically...what's going on here is that I'm applying for some SUPER awesome Creative Writing Program, but to get in...I need to submit a short story, among other things. So...I'm kind of willing to kick a puppy to get in. That's how bad I want to make it. LOL SOoooo...I was wondering...if you all would be willing to read some stories of mine and rank them? And constructive criticism would, quote, "OMG I FREAKING LOVE YOU!" wonderful.
NOW. I know some of the stories aren't finished (read: all XD) but they don't need to be completed. Just not sucky. LOL


Okay, so...here's the links?
(and yes, my titles are crap. XD)

Odd PZ story:
http://finiz.livejournal.com/2696.html#cutid1

My Ultimately Dead Journey...It's a hoot
http://finiz.livejournal.com/2451.html#cutid1

Predator Prey
Part 1: http://finiz.livejournal.com/2877.html#cutid1
Part 2: http://finiz.livejournal.com/3181.html#cutid1

Thank you SO MUCH!!!

Um yeah....A ranking system of 1 to 10 works. 1 being the worst, 10 being, "HOLY COW! AWESOME!"
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Posted 5/3/08
Odd PZ story: 7-8/10
Reason: I found there was too much exaggeration. Also your use of question marks and exclamation marks could be better. Also, the way you ended the story...you made it seem that Hetrina was the main character.

My Ultimately Dead Journey: 8.5/10
Reason: Like your previous one, I found your use of voice much too strong, but i liked this ending better.


I don't have enough time to start on reading Predator Prey right now, but it'll read it later~ I hope my criticism makes sense to you, if not, just ignore it. Anyways, good job! You'll get only better as you write more =3
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Posted 5/4/08 , edited 5/4/08
predator: 7/10 sounds more like a play (monologue) rather than a story...but it was entertaining to read anyway. =]
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Posted 5/4/08

Bluesander wrote:

Odd PZ story: 7-8/10
Reason: I found there was too much exaggeration. Also your use of question marks and exclamation marks could be better. Also, the way you ended the story...you made it seem that Hetrina was the main character.

My Ultimately Dead Journey: 8.5/10
Reason: Like your previous one, I found your use of voice much too strong, but i liked this ending better.


I don't have enough time to start on reading Predator Prey right now, but it'll read it later~ I hope my criticism makes sense to you, if not, just ignore it. Anyways, good job! You'll get only better as you write more =3


Haha, yeah, the larger story, PZ, is actually about Hetrina. XD But good point, I might as well get rid of that random one sentence paragraph at the end. I'm wondering what you mean by my use of exclamation marks and question marks? Could you give me an example? And what do you mean the voice is too strong (example, again?)
Thank you so much for the advice! :D
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Posted 5/4/08

xxuseless-bulletsxx wrote:

predator: 7/10 sounds more like a play (monologue) rather than a story...but it was entertaining to read anyway. =]


Hmm...okay, thanks! Yeah, since I haven't gotten to the plot it probably does sound like some random monologue in a play. XD Thanks for the taking the time to read and comment! I'm glad it didn't send you to sleep, then. XD
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Posted 5/4/08

finiz wrote:


Bluesander wrote:

Odd PZ story: 7-8/10
Reason: I found there was too much exaggeration. Also your use of question marks and exclamation marks could be better. Also, the way you ended the story...you made it seem that Hetrina was the main character.

My Ultimately Dead Journey: 8.5/10
Reason: Like your previous one, I found your use of voice much too strong, but i liked this ending better.


I don't have enough time to start on reading Predator Prey right now, but it'll read it later~ I hope my criticism makes sense to you, if not, just ignore it. Anyways, good job! You'll get only better as you write more =3


Haha, yeah, the larger story, PZ, is actually about Hetrina. XD But good point, I might as well get rid of that random one sentence paragraph at the end. I'm wondering what you mean by my use of exclamation marks and question marks? Could you give me an example? And what do you mean the voice is too strong (example, again?)
Thank you so much for the advice! :D


okay here's an example of overusing question marks:

Hockey? No. A bit too…gay for his tastes.
Soccer? Way too gay for his tastes.
Football? No! He loved having all his bones in tact, thanks very much.
Croquet? Now, seriously, what the hell is that?
Cricket? Too boring, He didn’t want to be able to have tea time while playing.


Instead of "Hockey? No. A bit too...gay for his tastes." I would recommend just saying it straight out. So it would be like this: Hockey was a bit too...gay for his tastes and Soccer was way too (i recommend a change of words here too) embarrassing for his own good.

And so when you overuse marks and italics it's really not that good. I recommend just cutting down on those and getting to the point. Does it make it more interesting to read? Maybe, but in my opinion, it does more harm than good.
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Posted 5/4/08
Okay, thanks. I'll keep that in mind.
Posted 5/6/08 , edited 5/6/08
Um, no offense, but I would have to disagree. I rather liked to structure of that piece. It is written in the vernacular, which is refreshing and natural.(in my opinion)
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Posted 5/10/08
Why thank you, glad you liked it. :)

Yeah, yeah, I ended up going with the Dead guy one. So...we'll see the results, eh? O___o;;

Thanks everyone for their help and input! I really appreciate it!
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Posted 5/16/08
Hi guys! update!
I MADE IT!!!
YEYZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the people who took the time to read everything and give me feedback! *hugs*
*runs off to tra la la bliss land*
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