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Post Reply "Urdumkeit" by The_8th_Sin
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Posted 5/13/08

blckfox7 wrote:

This is a nice story. Is this a mystery with action? It's good and it really have suspense.


Roughly. It only has a bit of mystery though. It's mostly just action.
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Posted 5/14/08
this is nice.. i really think this fit for manga-format..
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Posted 5/14/08

atelier7 wrote:

this is nice.. i really think this fit for manga-format..


"This is nice?" That's awfully vague. Could I hear more please?
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Posted 5/14/08

The_8th_Sin wrote:


atelier7 wrote:

this is nice.. i really think this fit for manga-format..


"This is nice?" That's awfully vague. Could I hear more please?


Your characters are fleshed out, and i can see the distinction between their personalities. You've also touched on the mindset of a person who was foreign to the ideas of politics and democracy, a human acting as any other animal would. i can see this story benefiting from being drawn coupled with hxh-style narration (in fact, this reminds me of hxh a lot, maybe because of the thinking-a-lot-in -the-middle-of-action stuff). The writing and concept of your story are commendable.

What i don't see is how they came up with the idea that the island is the only one in the world, and how they are able to speak english and wield guns even though there was no apparent sign that foreigners have come from there. it could be that they were descended from a stranded group of people, but then why did they have to split into tribes? unless it's an alternate timeline. in other words, i don't see how you'd explain this. which can only be a good thing. :3

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Posted 5/14/08

atelier7 wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


atelier7 wrote:

this is nice.. i really think this fit for manga-format..


"This is nice?" That's awfully vague. Could I hear more please?


Your characters are fleshed out, and i can see the distinction between their personalities. You've also touched on the mindset of a person who was foreign to the ideas of politics and democracy, a human acting as any other animal would. i can see this story benefiting from being drawn coupled with hxh-style narration (in fact, this reminds me of hxh a lot, maybe because of the thinking-a-lot-in -the-middle-of-action stuff). The writing and concept of your story are commendable.

What i don't see is how they came up with the idea that the island is the only one in the world, and how they are able to speak english and wield guns even though there was no apparent sign that foreigners have come from there. it could be that they were descended from a stranded group of people, but then why did they have to split into tribes? unless it's an alternate timeline. in other words, i don't see how you'd explain this. which can only be a good thing. :3



Thank you for the enormous elaboration! Thank you for the praise! By the way, what is "hxh?"

You're the first one to notice just how strange the island is. The fact that they speak English and have guns is not a detail I chose to ignore. There is a very specific and plot related explanation to these mysteries. Please keep reading. By the way, it is not an alternate timeline.
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Posted 5/14/08

The_8th_Sin wrote:


atelier7 wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


atelier7 wrote:

this is nice.. i really think this fit for manga-format..


"This is nice?" That's awfully vague. Could I hear more please?


Your characters are fleshed out, and i can see the distinction between their personalities. You've also touched on the mindset of a person who was foreign to the ideas of politics and democracy, a human acting as any other animal would. i can see this story benefiting from being drawn coupled with hxh-style narration (in fact, this reminds me of hxh a lot, maybe because of the thinking-a-lot-in -the-middle-of-action stuff). The writing and concept of your story are commendable.

What i don't see is how they came up with the idea that the island is the only one in the world, and how they are able to speak english and wield guns even though there was no apparent sign that foreigners have come from there. it could be that they were descended from a stranded group of people, but then why did they have to split into tribes? unless it's an alternate timeline. in other words, i don't see how you'd explain this. which can only be a good thing. :3



Thank you for the enormous elaboration! Thank you for the praise! By the way, what is "hxh?"

You're the first one to notice just how strange the island is. The fact that they speak English and have guns is not a detail I chose to ignore. There is a very specific and plot related explanation to these mysteries. Please keep reading. By the way, it is not an alternate timeline.


heh, it was a pretty shallow hunch anyway. i'd try to figure it out but i still have other things to do. hxh is hunter x hunter; your narration carries a similar style to this manga's (i-have-to-survive talks). and of course i'll keep reading. i'm a fan, ya know?

Posted 5/18/08 , edited 10/29/08
I noticed the fact that how strange the island like that can be also. It's like a survival test were they are all put up to. I didn't catch up to third episode sorry. But I will read it as well as atelier and yaidoll I'm a huge fan. Hmm about that blckfox stated: it's a mystery whit action? well I would like to see more mystery.. he probably stated that because he thought the beginning was kinda confusing and + there life on the island.... the story intrigues me.. well I will be pleased to read more
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Posted 5/18/08
Episode 3 is being cut off in the middle. Will someone please Identify the reason? Is it that there is too much text or something?
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Posted 5/18/08 , edited 7/28/08
Episode 3

A Safe Place


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Posted 5/18/08
i tried to edit it for u, see if it was just your problem, but my guess is, it might be too long, but i am not sure... That wouldnt really make sense, but i dunno, It is strange
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Posted 5/21/08
He just ran out of space you only get so much too a comment!

very good! still loving it
and I kept my promise
I read it at last yay
Im glad I did
Posted 5/23/08 , edited 10/29/08
Hmm... I didn't liked the 3rd episode that much I'l give her something like 4/5 rating ... but I thought... oh I fell kinda bored.. maybe I didn't wish for the story to go that direction... the suspense and mystery are dead now... Well I'm still a fan I'll keep reading hope it will get more exacting like first 2
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Posted 5/24/08 , edited 10/29/08

RihgisKhan wrote:

Hmm... I didn't liked the 3rd episode that much I'll give her something like 4/5 rating ... but I thought... oh I fell kinda bored.. maybe I didn't wish for the story to go that direction... the suspense and mystery are dead now... Well I'm still a fan I'll keep reading hope it will get more exciting like first 2


Huh? How are they dead? Not necessarily disagreeing with you, I just want to know what you mean.
Posted 5/24/08 , edited 10/29/08

The_8th_Sin wrote:


RihgisKhan wrote:

Hmm... I didn't liked the 3rd episode that much I'l give her something like 4/5 rating ... but I thought... oh I fell kinda boared.. maybe I didn't wish for the story to go that direction... the suspense and mystery are dead now... Well I'm still a fan I'l keep reading hope it will get more excating like first 2


Huh? How are they dead? Not neccesarily disagreeing with you, I just want to know what you mean.


Umm.... I'm really bad whit the details.. and I can't really find the right words to describe you... the story isn't that thrilling as in the 1-2 chapter... I was thinking you could put some twist? But I know it's really hard because I don't know do you have a plot line for Urdumkeit, you know, like how will things roll or you just have a beginning without an end you know it's difficult to write like that, I advise to made an end first not just fill out an empty chapter... Sorry don't ask me why I didn't liked 3rd episode that much... and I said that much, not completely... So yeah if I could rate chapters I would rate in as it follows 1st Messiah , 2nd Prisoners of Body , 3rd A Safe Place . Sorry. But I still love your story but don't except from me and other fans that everything is awesome
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Posted 5/24/08 , edited 10/29/08

RihgisKhan wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


RihgisKhan wrote:

Hmm... I didn't liked the 3rd episode that much I'll give her something like 4/5 rating ... but I thought... oh I fell kinda bored.. maybe I didn't wish for the story to go that direction... the suspense and mystery are dead now... Well I'm still a fan I'll keep reading hope it will get more exciting like first 2


Huh? How are they dead? Not necessarily disagreeing with you, I just want to know what you mean.


Umm.... I'm really bad whit the details.. and I can't really find the right words to describe you... the story isn't that thrilling as in the 1-2 chapter... I was thinking you could put some twist? But I know it's really hard because I don't know do you have a plot line for Urdumkeit, you know, like how will things roll or you just have a beginning without an end you know it's difficult to write like that, I advise to made an end first not just fill out an empty chapter... Sorry don't ask me why I didn't liked 3rd episode that much... and I said that much, not completely... So yeah if I could rate chapters I would rate in as it follows 1st Messiah , 2nd Prisoners of Body , 3rd A Safe Place . Sorry. But I still love your story but don't except from me and other fans that everything is awesome


Wait, do you mean a twist in the plot each episode? I don't think I can pull that off. If you meant twists in the plot in general, I've got plenty of those, although, rather like Samurai Champloo, the story is for the most situation based, rather than quest based. In other words, for the most part, the good guys won't go out to achieve something, they just are trying to survive. That aspect of the anime will change soon though.

The reason you didn't like Urdumkeit 3 is because it was a non-action episode. It was necessary to include it for the sake of the story working, and there was no natural way to include an action scene in the episode.

By the way, I do have an end in mind. I swear.
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