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Review this Manga
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25 / M / Vancouver,BC,Cana...
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Posted 11/14/07
good job actually people have no idea how hard it is to draw a little work and u could be great and it takes guts to put it out there and have people give there opinions
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27 / F / Soon to be SCAD
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Posted 11/14/07
It was a little heavy on the foreshadowing, but it built up some suspence. Try and work on your figures, try getting a maniquinette. Those helped me get proportions, elongation, and forshortening down. I can see where you experimented with vanishing points and perspective (ie her house) but you have to stick with it or else it falls apart. When you do your shading, try not to make all of the lines at the same angle and only two directions... or else it will begin to look like a chain link fence. When separating the blocks, make sure they are the proper width apart (Not many people catch up on that but you did very well!) Also, try to stick with one medium. (Ugh, I want to shoot myself for forgeting the name of the paper, but, is that what you used for some of the backgrounds?) It looked very professional... and then it ran into marker lines. Stick to one and it will give it a style and detract from any mess.

All in all I'd say you are really on your way to making a great story, I'll be sure to stay tuned for future plot updates.
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25 / F / a place in the world
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Posted 11/14/07

chocofluffywhip wrote:

It was a little heavy on the foreshadowing, but it built up some suspence. Try and work on your figures, try getting a maniquinette. Those helped me get proportions, elongation, and forshortening down. I can see where you experimented with vanishing points and perspective (ie her house) but you have to stick with it or else it falls apart. When you do your shading, try not to make all of the lines at the same angle and only two directions... or else it will begin to look like a chain link fence. When separating the blocks, make sure they are the proper width apart (Not many people catch up on that but you did very well!) Also, try to stick with one medium. (Ugh, I want to shoot myself for forgeting the name of the paper, but, is that what you used for some of the backgrounds?) It looked very professional... and then it ran into marker lines. Stick to one and it will give it a style and detract from any mess.

All in all I'd say you are really on your way to making a great story, I'll be sure to stay tuned for future plot updates.


This is my favorite comment so far..... So freaking helpful....
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.... !
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25 / F / a place in the world
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Posted 11/14/07

Aidenson wrote:

Im sorry u took it negatively. I only meant to encourage u. If u feel as though u are good enough then ok. What's the point of creating a manga if someone cannot get past the artwork. U said it is not a hobby but u dont want it to look as good as possible. At least color inside the lines....geez lol.



I know, I'm sorry, I'm not used to negative comments, so I took it out on you, your comments really were helpful, and I really appreciate them! I'm really sorry I snapped at you!
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25 / F / a place in the world
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Posted 11/14/07
^^ thanks! ^^
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26 / M / s'pore
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Posted 11/14/07

Flourescent wrote:

Hmmm..I just think you should study a few "How to draw manga" books. The page looks good, but the characters are kind of disfigured. Sadly that's all the advice I have to give ^^"

Sorry



true the hair is messed up. looks rather promising though.
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25 / F / a place in the world
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Posted 11/14/07
lol. based the hair on yu-gi-oh.... ^^
Posted 11/14/07
it's good ♥
for not computer just pencil
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25 / F / a place in the world
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Posted 11/14/07

AnimeLover09 wrote:

it's good ♥
for not computer just pencil



pen and ink, not pencil. but still, thanks a lot! ^^

Posted 11/14/07
^_^ I actually like how you manipulate the perspectives and the background. Keep the same scenes, then follow what Aidenson wrote about the proportions, line art, cleaning, tracing, and lastly photoshopping.

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29 / M / Tiny Moon Clouds
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Posted 11/14/07
I thought it was rather nice. I like its originality. It is true that there wasn't consistency in the drawings, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Emile, for instance, was deformed, but it works for her because she is rather weird--what with sneaking through the bushes only to say something ordinary. Then she is normalized, giving viewers a sense that she is only weird sometimes. Also, I like how Rosa, in pg 9, is outside of the border but faded in sense because she is, after all, remembering. Let me explain, it symbolizes that she is making a connection to another box outside of the current box through her memory hence her faded portion. And much like Rosa, I also liked how Emile was also outside the box. Emile, unknowingly, stepped out of line when Rosa accepted Emile's invitation and was also making a connection with her original invitation. Let's not forget about the house: Home, to Rosa, is a place with different perspectives. Perhaps more than just Rosa as it may be worldly truth. In any case, I also like how there was a mix of Spanish. It shows her closeness with her mother and grandmother even as they argue. Overall, it was rather original, but try not to foreshadow as much. Even if you are only foreshadowing to mislead viewers and then twist the plot in the opposite direction, it will seem boring because we might think we already know what will happen next. Other than that I thought it was well done.
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25 / F / a place in the world
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Posted 11/15/07

Enit wrote:

I thought it was rather nice. I like its originality. It is true that there wasn't consistency in the drawings, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Emile, for instance, was deformed, but it works for her because she is rather weird--what with sneaking through the bushes only to say something ordinary. Then she is normalized, giving viewers a sense that she is only weird sometimes. Also, I like how Rosa, in pg 9, is outside of the border but faded in sense because she is, after all, remembering. Let me explain, it symbolizes that she is making a connection to another box outside of the current box through her memory hence her faded portion. And much like Rosa, I also liked how Emile was also outside the box. Emile, unknowingly, stepped out of line when Rosa accepted Emile's invitation and was also making a connection with her original invitation. Let's not forget about the house: Home, to Rosa, is a place with different perspectives. Perhaps more than just Rosa as it may be worldly truth. In any case, I also like how there was a mix of Spanish. It shows her closeness with her mother and grandmother even as they argue. Overall, it was rather original, but try not to foreshadow as much. Even if you are only foreshadowing to mislead viewers and then twist the plot in the opposite direction, it will seem boring because we might think we already know what will happen next. Other than that I thought it was well done.



Wow, thank you so much for that amazing review....
You read stuff into it that I hadn't even completely thought of, but it makes so much sense..... that is so cool, you sound like a (good) english teacher. ^^ ^^
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23 / F / Anime world...
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Posted 11/15/07
The drawings are a bit deformed BUT it's much better than mine!
I have to say you're pretty good!
The story line seems quite interesthing, I think I'll keep readin!

Keep up the good work & learn to draw a bit better!

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25 / F / a place in the world
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Posted 11/15/07

carmensakura07 wrote:

The drawings are a bit deformed BUT it's much better than mine!
I have to say you're pretty good!
The story line seems quite interesthing, I think I'll keep readin!

Keep up the good work & learn to draw a bit better!



Thanks! ^^

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24 / M / Sleepy Land
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Posted 11/15/07
the characters from the gallery in some of the pages were alittle disfigured, but I think its still very good~
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