Post Reply [{] Jokes and Jokes and Jokes
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Posted 5/12/08 , edited 5/12/08
Jokes

Make it all funny, dont post lame jokes. make people laugh and you might be rewarded.
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Posted 5/12/08
Who is Really Your Best Friend?

Just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

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aceeasi Londra
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Posted 5/12/08
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
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Posted 5/12/08
Can I Buy That?

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"



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aceeasi Londra
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Posted 5/12/08
A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"
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Posted 5/12/08
Ancient Riddles

1. "The beginning of eternity, The end of time and space, The beginning of every end, And the end of every place."

2. "I never was, am always to be, None ever saw me, nor ever will, And yet I am the confidence of all Who live and breathe on this terrestrial ball."

3. "At night they come without being fetched, and by day they are lost without being stolen."

4. "Fatherless and motherless, Born without a skin, Spoke when it came into the world, And never spoke again."

5. "What gets wet when drying."

6. "There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were a lot of black babies."


===========================================================================

ANSWERS:

1. The letter "E".

2. Tomorrow.

3. Stars.

4. A fart.

5. A towel

6. A watermelon.

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aceeasi Londra
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Posted 5/12/08
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
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Posted 5/12/08
Heart-warming story...

Whenever I am sad, no one sees my tears. Whenever I am lonely no one comes to comfort me. Whenever I am actually happy, no one sees my smile, but I fart just ONE time... and EVERYONE notices!
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Posted 5/12/08

Sorry is a word that is often used. Do you know what sorry LOOKS like??

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23 / F / winnipeg, mb
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Posted 5/16/08
u two really have funny jokes.. hahahah...
here's myn..

Wife And Husband Visit Doctor


A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, "If you don't do the following, your husband will lose his will to live and surely die."

Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
For dinner, fix especially nice meals selected from his favorite foods and don't burden him with household chores or problems.
Make love with him several times a week and satisfy his every sexual whim. On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.
She replied, "You're going to die."




next one...

Crazy Patients


A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.

He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.

The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.

Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"



did ya'll get it.. hahahahah!!...
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21 / F / Here=.=. Why wher...
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Posted 5/18/08
the story of Guy Buddy And Sh it(it the name >.>) xD (excuse me for the language it made dat way to make it funny )

Guy, Buddy and Sh it were sitting on a wall. Suddenly Sh it fell off the wall.Buddy went to help him. A police then saw Guy sitting on the wall and called him.

Police:wheres ur friend??
Guy: Buddys over there picking up sh it xD

did ya get it??? if u think about it its pretty funny xD
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Posted 5/30/08
Subject: TENJEWBERRYMUDS



To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2007.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:


Room Service (RS): "Morrin. - Roon sirbees."



Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."



RS: " Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"


G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."


RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"


RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"


G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?
Sorry, scrambled please."


RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."


RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"


G: "What?"


RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"


G: "I don't think so."


RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"


G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."


RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"


G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."


RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."


RS: "Wad! ?"


G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"


RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"


G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."


RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"


G: "Whatever you say."


RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."


NOW YOU ARE BILINGUAL. GOOD JOB.
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!

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23 / F / pilipinas!!!!!!!!...
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Posted 6/12/08
if u throw a ball next time, this will happen to u
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31 / F / Somewhere between...
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Posted 6/22/08
Too often,we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.Remember,when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown,BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that motherfucker upside the head.
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Posted 6/23/08
there were 3 brothers named nobody, somebody and crazy.
one night, somebody got angry at nobody and killed him. crazy saw the whole thing and reported it to the police;

crazy: SOMEBODY KILLED NOBODY!!! SOMEBODY KILLED NOBODY!!!
police: What?! Can you repeat that??
crazy: SOMEBODY KILLED NOBODY!!!
police: Is this some kind of a joke?
crazy: No it isnt!
police: Are you crazy?!
crazy: Yes! Yes i am!


{{ corny }}
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