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28 / M / the 650
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Posted 5/20/08

klaw2 wrote:

I have a son who doesn't listen to what I say, he's always late at school, he's messy, and he only has average grades at school. He used to do really well in school, but now he never studies at home. He's always on his computer. What should I do? I try talking to him but he always talks back to me. I always need to tell him things over and over because he still repeats the problem and he keeps screaming back at me to stop telling him things like that. It's frustating me a lot. Any parents have tips on dealing with this kind of kid?


lol i went through that exact same phase except i never did talk back or anything. i just became lazy and went out everyday and late to school everyday as well >.<But yea you dont necessarily need a parent's advice for this since its true that most teens go through the "rebellious stage", but they all do it for different reasons (too strict, too religious, trying to be cool) and they just have different personalities so the same advice cant always work.

And by the way that you posted, it makes me assume that you've always been nice or lenient on him by only trying to "talk things out" right? Well, if my assumption is correct then you need to be strict on him. You're a parent and not his friend so you cant always make him like you. If he's always on his computer playing or doing things online, cancel the internet subscription for a month or something. He needs to know that when he does something bad, there will be consequences. and also you should have him do more chores around the house, even if he's not willing to do everything as long he does something it definitely helps people be more responsible.

For me, when i was living with my aunt and uncle after my mom abandoned me for like 6 years, they were always strict on me not because i wasn't their real child, but because they thought of me as their real child. For those 6 years, there were times when i really hated them 'cuz they made clean every saturday, had me help cook everyday, washed the dishes everyday, made me do homework before i could do anything else like watching t.v, scolded me even if it was in public if i was rude or impolite to somebody especially my elders and basically, they were just really strict. Even though i hated them for all that, now that i look back at everything, im really grateful for the fact that they were like that because it did help me become a better person, it helped me become more independent as i can cook, clean and do whatever needs done around the house.

True you might not want to be that strict on your kid but you can ask any teenager on this forum and chances are, they know someone who talks crap about their parents saying something like "Oh its okay they're stupid anyways, they're too nice so i can just do anything i want" I knew so many people like that and i felt really bad for their parents. So the summary of this giant post is, be more strict! especially at this point since he yells and talks back to you. I mean it should be the other way around, you yelling and him backing down instead of you giving up and seeking advice.

ok that was long enough ill stop now.
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28 / M / California
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Posted 5/20/08
I like how folk are talking in here about beating a kid as though he's an animal. Here's a clue. If you were getting beat by your parents, would that fix the problem? I seriously doubt it.

Pain is a legitimate means of discipline only for younger children, and only after all means of reasoning have been exhausted, i.e. you set some boundaries, warn them of the inevitable beating if they ignore them once, then bring the pain if they do it a second time. Pain is something that a teenager can handle though, so it's not only an ineffective means of discipline, but a counter-productive one. If you can't control your teenager through logic at this point, you're probably doing something wrong (or your child is retarded).

Also klaw2, realize that I'm not a parent, but this is something that applies to anyone and everyone. People won't listen to somebody they don't respect. Some of the most common problems parents have are: a) being hypocritical, b) being quick to judge, and c) being overly critical (a.k.a. nagging). If you do any of the above, I don't think any amount of "advice" will help you.

As for the specific problems you talk about, realize that not all people are created equal. Some are stupider than others (I mean this literally, not derogatorily). This might be the case with your son, i.e. it might be that he's unable to get good grades, rather than choosing to do so. But really, it sounds to me like he's just being irresponsible, and again, I get the feeling that this is a problem that might be stemming from the parent (a.k.a. you). Refer to my list above. If this isn't the case, you might want to provide specific details and examples for a better analysis.
Posted 5/20/08
You need to keep that kid in check. I am obviously not a parent but I know a thing or too. First of all, punish his computer if he's spending too much time on it. Kids need boundaries so set some limits. If he's talking back then start to punish everything he values. There is no excuse to do poorly in school. Also didn't you mention that he use to get good grades? Maybe there is something wrong with him. I don't think you should hit him because most kids don't work with pain. I don't know why you came on here asking for advice considering most CR users have shite for brains. Look up parenting books and if you are still unable to discipline your kid why not join a group.
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26 / F / Colorado
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Posted 5/20/08 , edited 5/20/08



I'm not a parent. But my mom used to have the same problem with me. I decreased my actions then when my mom stopped "nagging" on me every single day. She just gave me an ultimatum. If I don't want to study hard in school, then I'll just stay at home, no computer, no TV, no nothing. I guess it's just a stage of rebelliousness where a kid wants to grow independent somehow. My mom said that I make my own choices, and that she'll always be there for me to guide me if I ever steered in the wrong direction. I think the best way for you to deal with your son is to be assertive instead of prying on why he's being like that all the time.Considering the fact that he is a boy, which makes him more aggressive than usual. Set an ultimatum or limits for him, and make sure that he knows you are not bluffing. Also, you should do reverse psychology with him. I hope this somehow helps. =)
Posted 5/22/08 , edited 5/22/08
You mentioned that your son used to get good grades so perhaps it might be necessary to talk to his teachers to determine the cause of the problem as it sounds like he has lost interest in school and he is not motivated to learn. A few things to consider asking about is whether he has fallen in with an unruly crowd, is he being bullied which does not have to physical but a clique set up against him by older boys, is there anything different in his life like a grandparent or relative died recently so he is depressed, and talk to the school counsellor for suggestions to helping your son. It might be that he is using the computer to withdraw from problems at school but while I don't recommend punishing the computer as someone here mentioned as he will retaliate more but do put a on limit the amount of time he spends on the computer. Tell him in a calm voice that it is unacceptable for him to scream at you and be firm, no nagging or repeating yourself though, inform he you want to talk to him and he is going to listen without talking back then tell him how concerned you are about him and want to help him improve his grades. Inform him that you are limiting his time on the computer and he has to start doing his homework the moment he gets home from school. Tell him that if there is something or someone bothering him at school it is your job to help him as a parent and that you are worried about him but if you don't know the problem it makes it difficult to help him. As this may be a new thing he might not open up at first and treat you with suspicion as to why you are suddenly being nosy but perserve at talking with him in a straight forward manner without criticising. If he cleans up his room then thank him and compliment him but ensure that it is genuine and not false flattery or he'll withdraw into his shell of isolation even more. You might try setting up a reward system where if he gets improved grades he can buy something he wants or go to a special event that interests him so that he has a goal to strive for, give him some chores to do like putting the trash out and cutting the grass but pay him for his effort as well as compliment him on a job well done.
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Posted 5/22/08 , edited 5/22/08

amafiahitman wrote:


klaw2 wrote:

I have a son who doesn't listen to what I say, he's always late at school, he's messy, and he only has average grades at school. He used to do really well in school, but now he never studies at home. He's always on his computer. What should I do? I try talking to him but he always talks back to me. I always need to tell him things over and over because he still repeats the problem and he keeps screaming back at me to stop telling him things like that. It's frustating me a lot. Any parents have tips on dealing with this kind of kid?


what is the point of this thread? to ask for parenting advice? he is a kid so what if he doesnt listen to you? it happens so deal with it...


Wow what a extremely ignorant response. "he is a kid so what if he doesnt listen to you?" So kids should just have free will to do whatever they want? You ever heard of something called discipline? Man your kids are just going to run all over you thats what I call weak parenting advice and I am pretty sure thats what you will be once you become one.

Back to the topic I have no kids but I would think giving him a whooping would help. You cant let these kids walk all over you and think they in charge you gotta instill some fear in them but yet love them at the time.
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25 / F / Gunma-ken, Japan
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Posted 5/22/08
Sometimes I think parents give their kids a little TOO much freedom! Keep em in check!
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24 / F / somewhere out there
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Posted 5/22/08

klaw2 wrote:

I have a son who doesn't listen to what I say, he's always late at school, he's messy, and he only has average grades at school. He used to do really well in school, but now he never studies at home. He's always on his computer. What should I do? I try talking to him but he always talks back to me. I always need to tell him things over and over because he still repeats the problem and he keeps screaming back at me to stop telling him things like that. It's frustating me a lot. Any parents have tips on dealing with this kind of kid?


being a parent sure is hard...

why don't you consider counseling?
maybe it'll help
Posted 6/13/08
CR is the last place anyone should be asking for parenting advice....
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26 / M
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Posted 7/2/08

nipponboy911 wrote:


klaw2 wrote:

I have a son who doesn't listen to what I say, he's always late at school, he's messy, and he only has average grades at school. He used to do really well in school, but now he never studies at home. He's always on his computer. What should I do? I try talking to him but he always talks back to me. I always need to tell him things over and over because he still repeats the problem and he keeps screaming back at me to stop telling him things like that. It's frustating me a lot. Any parents have tips on dealing with this kind of kid?


lol i went through that exact same phase except i never did talk back or anything. i just became lazy and went out everyday and late to school everyday as well >.<But yea you dont necessarily need a parent's advice for this since its true that most teens go through the "rebellious stage", but they all do it for different reasons (too strict, too religious, trying to be cool) and they just have different personalities so the same advice cant always work.

And by the way that you posted, it makes me assume that you've always been nice or lenient on him by only trying to "talk things out" right? Well, if my assumption is correct then you need to be strict on him. You're a parent and not his friend so you cant always make him like you. If he's always on his computer playing or doing things online, cancel the internet subscription for a month or something. He needs to know that when he does something bad, there will be consequences. and also you should have him do more chores around the house, even if he's not willing to do everything as long he does something it definitely helps people be more responsible.

For me, when i was living with my aunt and uncle after my mom abandoned me for like 6 years, they were always strict on me not because i wasn't their real child, but because they thought of me as their real child. For those 6 years, there were times when i really hated them 'cuz they made clean every saturday, had me help cook everyday, washed the dishes everyday, made me do homework before i could do anything else like watching t.v, scolded me even if it was in public if i was rude or impolite to somebody especially my elders and basically, they were just really strict. Even though i hated them for all that, now that i look back at everything, im really grateful for the fact that they were like that because it did help me become a better person, it helped me become more independent as i can cook, clean and do whatever needs done around the house.

True you might not want to be that strict on your kid but you can ask any teenager on this forum and chances are, they know someone who talks crap about their parents saying something like "Oh its okay they're stupid anyways, they're too nice so i can just do anything i want" I knew so many people like that and i felt really bad for their parents. So the summary of this giant post is, be more strict! especially at this point since he yells and talks back to you. I mean it should be the other way around, you yelling and him backing down instead of you giving up and seeking advice.

ok that was long enough ill stop now.


klaw2, if you're son is stubborn and adaptable (that's how i am) then if you take one thing away he'd stick to his stupid convictions and just move on to something else he likes since he doesn't need to do that. if he is like that then don't back down like my mom did on me. you should go for more: take away the t.v. (my mom used to put locks on the plugs), take away his video games (hide them in a safe place because one time my mom took them away and when we did better and she was going to give them back they were lost), take away the computer or laptop or leave it somewhere where you can use it but he can't (if you just take away the internet then he might just play solitaire or go on paint just to avoid what you tell him to do), ground him not for a certain time limit at first (first ground him "until he shapes up" and then after he shapes up then complement him on it and show him that now since he's doing better you will give him a time limit) at first i am certain that he will go out when he's grounded (he's got nothing at home so he'll go elsewhere and he might stay there for a really long time and his friend might let him.......i'm not really sure what to do there. if you call the cops on him he might see it as one more thing that you can't do for yourself) then again before he sneaks out the first time maybe you or if he has a father then his father should take him to work. pick him up after school or come earlier to wait for him. tell the school to make sure he doesn't ditch and to inform you if he does (don't get mad at the school, they're there to help you). make him do something productive at your work (don't just let him sit there) or if you have a friend that has a manual job make him go there (it would be better if he came home too tired to do anything else). and after he finishes his homework then he can watch some t.v. only while you're around.

i hope your situation gets better. and if there are people who flame you for asking advice then just ignore them. there are people (even kids who will try to help) also i'm not a parent so my advice might not help because i've never been close to being in that position.
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26 / M
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Posted 7/2/08

DKangN3 wrote:

I like how folk are talking in here about beating a kid as though he's an animal. Here's a clue. If you were getting beat by your parents, would that fix the problem? I seriously doubt it.

Pain is a legitimate means of discipline only for younger children, and only after all means of reasoning have been exhausted, i.e. you set some boundaries, warn them of the inevitable beating if they ignore them once, then bring the pain if they do it a second time. Pain is something that a teenager can handle though, so it's not only an ineffective means of discipline, but a counter-productive one. If you can't control your teenager through logic at this point, you're probably doing something wrong (or your child is retarded).

Also klaw2, realize that I'm not a parent, but this is something that applies to anyone and everyone. People won't listen to somebody they don't respect. Some of the most common problems parents have are: a) being hypocritical, b) being quick to judge, and c) being overly critical (a.k.a. nagging). If you do any of the above, I don't think any amount of "advice" will help you.

As for the specific problems you talk about, realize that not all people are created equal. Some are stupider than others (I mean this literally, not derogatorily). This might be the case with your son, i.e. it might be that he's unable to get good grades, rather than choosing to do so. But really, it sounds to me like he's just being irresponsible, and again, I get the feeling that this is a problem that might be stemming from the parent (a.k.a. you). Refer to my list above. If this isn't the case, you might want to provide specific details and examples for a better analysis.


i wanted to say that but then i read your post. i agree that beating a your kid would probably only work if they are still young. and like you said hitting a rebellious teenager would most definitely increase their rebellious streak.
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26 / M
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Posted 7/2/08 , edited 7/2/08

klaw2 wrote:

I have a son who doesn't listen to what I say, he's always late at school, he's messy, and he only has average grades at school. He used to do really well in school, but now he never studies at home. He's always on his computer. What should I do? I try talking to him but he always talks back to me. I always need to tell him things over and over because he still repeats the problem and he keeps screaming back at me to stop telling him things like that. It's frustating me a lot. Any parents have tips on dealing with this kind of kid?


they're right. a lot of us will try to help you as best we can but it might be better to go to some sort of advice website.

edit-nevermind. now that i think of it you probably posted this in a lot of places and you figured you might as well do it on crunchyroll too. i hope your situation gets better. stay strong.
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26 / F / Corner of No and...
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Posted 7/4/08
This sounds more like a personal thread to me...
Posted 7/4/08
I suggest you created a group and posted this thread in your group

~Locked
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