Post Reply "The Phoenix of Torgonia" by AkanaYukiani
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Posted 5/19/08 , edited 10/27/09
Note to readers, my chapters tend to be longer than the other stories on here, so what I have done in the 6 chapters I have available for reading is equal to about what Ichigo-bankai's story has reached with his 12 episodes. Plus my chapters have no titles to them, enjoy. One chapter per page or two of comments, if I even get to that many, to give you enough time for feedback. Tell me what you think and what could possibly be changed to make it better, if I didn't do well enough. I know that I do need work in the descriptive department, but as the chapters go along, that part does improve a little. Enjoy and good night.
Chapter 1: A Face of the Future

Chapter 1


Ok decided not to wait any longer, here's Chapter 2


Chapter 3
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28 / M / You know where..
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Posted 5/20/08
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25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
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Posted 5/20/08
I like it. It is more clear than the other stories in this group, and the plot is easy to follow. The writing style also has an indeniable uniqueness.

The flaw I noticed was that, at the end, after building up slowly, you have the main character grow up, learn sword-play, and have her home attacked by a demon all within a couple of short paragraphs. It was like you shifted from actually writing a story, to summarizing it.
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Posted 5/20/08 , edited 5/20/08

The_8th_Sin wrote:

I like it. It is more clear than the other stories in this group, and the plot is easy to follow. The writing style also has an indeniable uniqueness.

The flaw I noticed was that, at the end, after building up slowly, you have the main character grow up, learn sword-play, and have her home attacked by a demon all within a couple of short paragraphs. It was like you shifted from actually writing a story, to summarizing it.


Well, yes, because that part was more of an flash back thing, and her real adventure didn't begin until after she lost everything. And not to worry, there won't be any jumps like that in here for a long time, if ever again. Also, that part of her life will be explained throughout the story, just haven't really gotten to the starting point yet, for that part too much....
Posted 6/11/08
I think I read it on Deviant Art and I left a comment there. Directly on the 2nd chapter, which I have read so far. My acount there is LordSkass. And I rearly change my opinin on the same thing.
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Posted 6/12/08 , edited 6/12/08

RihgisKhan wrote:

I think I read it on Deviant Art and I left a comment there. Directly on the 2nd chapter, which I have read so far. My acount there is LordSkass. And I rearly change my opinin on the same thing.


Ahhh yes, didn't know it was you, but hey, at least it has one comment. I haven't had anyone else to comment on it since then. Thanks for reminding me about that
Posted 6/24/08
gah....i would read this but i'm still trying to finish up my manga...lol...i'll read this after i finish chapter 1 of my manga..promise ;P
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Posted 6/24/08 , edited 6/24/08

kiyosuke wrote:

gah....i would read this but i'm still trying to finish up my manga...lol...i'll read this after i finish chapter 1 of my manga..promise ;P


Thanks, I wasn't getting mad at those who had their own stories, its just there's many more that are members and don't even participate at all in the group. They should do something besides lurk around, and I was hope that some more would at least read my story, even if they don't post. Cause its been stuck around 60 views for quite a while now.

Oh and I know that my manga pages don't have text for the story line yet, I'll be adding them when I can do some modifications to the pages once I get photoshop in my hands :D. Hope you all will be patient enough with me for that.
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Posted 7/27/08
i'll be reading the manga u draw..
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Posted 8/20/08

atelier7 wrote:

i'll be reading the manga u draw.. :)


thanks, of course I've really been too busy to work on it more than i have already, but I will get back to it onces things slow down...(if they ever slow down...XD)
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Posted 10/13/08
Chapter 4


Chapter 5
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Posted 10/14/08
WOW Akana I love you're story so far, it is so unique and interesting
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Posted 10/18/08
Chapter 6

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Posted 10/19/08

AkanaYukinai wrote:

Chapter 6



Awesome! this is getting really interesting! I think I'm starting to really get some things now

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