.. Drunk.
cocky 
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Posted 2/13/07
Im sitting here.
Drunk again.
But any kind of energetic outburst seems so far away.
sitting here.
Jaded.
But wishing for how i once felt.
You ever flet like ythis? Drunk as shit, but all you do is reflect on shit, nad delve into yourself?
I'm not usually the type to get melancholy drunk, but tonight seems different, all I keep doing is pining after things I've lost.
And things I know I cannot attain.
Listening to naff 80's songs, and enjoying them, wishing .. ah never fucking mind.
Housemate already passed out.
Dunno what to do with mytself, bought a new guiar today, why did i get drunk? I dont even fucking know. Im losing it man. I swear, im losing it, all the keeps me going is social pressure and some kinda need not to delve into obscurity. I guess its some kinda vanity, as much as i have tried in the past I've always found myself actually caring about what others think of me, even when i was a goth and other embarassing shit I look back on and laugh. Am I truly a social animal, driven on purely by what I percieve other to percieve me as? And if so how come I still feel I fail at many points of this? Anyone else ever lie in bed, or just anytime wishing they had handled a situation differently? Maybe this is all a part of my social vanity, but im not sure. Maybe I just need a fucking shrink. I know I get durnk often sure, and it may be easy to associate this particular rant with that same thing, btu the more itype the more I seem im getting closer to myself, you know? But saying that, Im not even sure I want to know who I truly am, I have had glimpses, and it is something that I have always tried to hide, no not homosexuality or pedophilia or any shit like that, but I have certain ...quirks. That I have known about since a young age, which would be described as taboo... It is only after a certain relationship that i realised just howi fucked up I am. K my brain-fart just shut down. Goodbye for now. Sorry for ranting and im not sure why I did. Things are bothering me.

KK *edit.

Anyone else ever think about joining some bullshit religion? It seems so simple. You have certain things that are good, certain things that are bad, and all you have to do is follo0w the good things. There are no irregularities that you have to worry about, everything is layed out for you, no shitty decisions you have to make, all you have to do is abide by your religions laws.

Can you imagine that? No bad personal decisions. No....RESOPNSIBILITY. Shit, no responsibility. You dont have to face your mind when you sleep, the antithesis for my own personal good living. Everything I ever do I analyze a thousand times, past the event. Hindsight they say, is a wonderful thing, but even so i feel myself drowning underneath the wreaths of ambiguity. Just what exactly should my own peronsal moral code tellme to do? and although i have long since come to terms with the fact that my morality is merely a social consequence whyt do i still analyze that? I second guess my own morality? I dont need that bullshit. I need a wrong and a right. Or at least i thought i id one sentence ago, now I come to think about it, I see problems... What happens when i feel urges for things a black and white ideology strictly forbids? I know that conundrum would come up, and religions answer is often to punish for the mere thought. I can't deal with mind policing.

So where the fuck does that leave me? Alone and wishing for guidance but knowing that guidance couldnever satisfy me? WTF? That sucks.
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Posted 2/13/07
you write a lot. i only read the first few lines. no ive never been drunk before...
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M
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Posted 2/13/07
Your typing isn't fucked up enough, go drink some more you pussy
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Posted 2/13/07
Lol! I read all of it... I've never been drunk...

I've never thought of joining a religion just to have no responsibility. I try not to dwell on things and try to turn to more scientific methods of solving my problems. I think you just need to do something you really enjoy! Maybe your under pressure?
Ronin
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Posted 2/13/07
This isn't a blog/diary/journal ........

So yea, I'm gonna lock this soon. There is a Help Thread.
http://www.crunchyroll.com/showforumtopic?id=1291&pg=11#1695003
cocky 
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Posted 2/13/07
Under pressure? Heh. I live with my housemate whoe i moved to argentina with on a dare. The only pressure or difficult decision I'm usually faced with is whether to play poker or just get drunk and watch anime, also being a rather (regrettably) staunch atheist I do tend to look at things form a scientific perspective, but so many thing s both cultural and social are not easy to solve from a logical viewpoint - we aren't logical people by nature, we have to cultivate our budding logic, hence i took philosophy as my degree, for what little good it did me.
cocky 
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Posted 2/13/07

BasouKazuma wrote:

This isn't a blog/diary/journal ........

So yea, I'm gonna lock this soon. There is a Help Thread.
http://www.crunchyroll.com/showforumtopic?id=1291&pg=11#1695003


Mauz, Help me?

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Posted 2/13/07
Here's some advice:
Don't follow religion, seek truth.
Resist social pressure. I used to really be bothered by what people thought of me. Now, I have a huge beard...
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Posted 2/13/07

cocky wrote:

Under pressure? Heh. I live with my housemate whoe i moved to argentina with on a dare. The only pressure or difficult decision I'm usually faced with is whether to play poker or just get drunk and watch anime, also being a rather (regrettably) staunch atheist I do tend to look at things form a scientific perspective, but so many thing s both cultural and social are not easy to solve from a logical viewpoint - we aren't logical people by nature, we have to cultivate our budding logic, hence i took philosophy as my degree, for what little good it did me.


Do you think you are lacking something? Something you really want? Or want to do?

Maybe you need to go out and do something? (Instead of just getting drunk )
cocky 
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Posted 2/13/07
I just spend money and/or get laid when I go out, it's meaningless. Especially when you dont speak spanish in argentina.
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27 / M / Toronto
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Posted 2/13/07
I dun drink so screw this, I can't relate.
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31 / M / California
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Posted 2/13/07
bah, your not drunk, you probably dont even drink, lock this attention whores thread!
Ronin
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Posted 2/13/07

BasouKazuma wrote:

This isn't a blog/diary/journal ........

So yea, I'm gonna lock this soon. There is a Help Thread.
http://www.crunchyroll.com/showforumtopic?id=1291&pg=11#1695003


Locked
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