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"The Slave" by MilicentPottywinkle |
Rookie
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Ch. 1-5 (so far...)
** Spoiler Alert!!! click to hide or show** Chapter 1: Slave?! It was a warm, sunny, spring day. The birds were chirping, the children were at play, and the market place was buzzing. I, Misa Uzari(15), am but a simple peasant, living in the port city Hashiomi and I work at a small restaurant called 'Shizo's'. The country I live in isn't normal compared to the rest of the world. My country is on a large island in the sea of ice, and sea of prosperity. In my country there are monsters, only of certain races though, such as werewolves and vampires. My country even has many weird things like magic. Only a select few of people have magic, and those are of noble blood. I however, even though only a peasant, have incredible magical powers, even though I'm still training myself. Anyway, I was walking home from my job one night, and when I got home, my mom was sitting down in the kitchen, along with a few other men who looked like trouble. I looked at my mom in concern, wondering what exactly was going on. "Mom, who are these people?" She didn't even look at me, but said, "Misa, I'm-I'm sorry. Me and your father owed some people money, and in return, we have to-...to sell you to them...your going to be sold into slavery, and ... I'm sorry, I..." she ran to the other room crying, "Just take her away! Now!!!" The strange men approached me cautiously, "Now, now little girl, just come with us..." The last thing I remember was one of them putting a cloth over my face, then everything went blank. Now, here I am, in a huge, prison like cell, with at least a hundred other girls. There was scattered chattering, murmuring, and crying. The constant paces of the guards going back and forth were like the constant ticking of a clock, mesmerizing me. The drug they had used was starting to ware off, and I went to get up, but my legs and hands were chained. I yelled in confusion and fright, "What is this?! Where am I?!" Then a guard came up to the bars saying, "Be Quiet! Right now your a slave, and are going to be, hopefully, sold to one of the peple coming today, got it?!" He had a somewhat agitated face, and was looking sternly at me. "Yes, sorry..." i mumbled. Then I remembered what happened again, and it played over and over again in my head, like a broken record. I sat back down on the cold, concrete floor, then a girl who was sitting a foot or so away from me said,"You must be new here, my name is Maggie, I've been at this here slave prison for almost a month." Woah, a month? This little girl here? The girl suddenly interrupted me again,"So where 'ya from?" I didn't reply for a few moments, but then I said, "I'm from...Hashiomi...." Maggie's eyes grew big, as if she was surprised. "No way? Your that far away from home?You know what? We're in Harasaki now!" "What?!No way....any way...my names' Misa, Misa Uzari...nice to meet you..." She looked at me and said in a somewhat concerned voice, "Are you okay? How'd a girl like you end up in here?" I remembered the incident again, tears were about to burst from my eyes, like a pot of boiling water on a stove over flowing, it was unbearable to not cry, so I did. "Ah!Don't cry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, but-" Then a guard interrupted her. "Hey! You! Uh...Maggie! You've exceeded the time limit to be here without being bought, so you will be killed now." The guard said this almost like it was rehearsed and said often. "Wait! You can't just kill her!" I yelled at him. "I mean, she's a human being, not an animal! Why-" The guard interrupted again, "Human being?Hahahaha!Are you serious? All of you are nothing, lower than animals, you're just...slaves." He dragged her out of the cell, and took her outside the building. I could do nothing, even with my powers, I was untrained, so it was hopeless. The next thing I heard was the sound of Maggie screaming...I had made a friend who I could have been friends with for a long time, if we had met under different circumstances.The guard came back in, wiping off his hands, then said to all of us, "Okay, listen up everybody!-" Thats when my story really begins... Chapter 2: My Owner?! The guard unlocked the cell, and opened the door, but even though he did that, we could not run away since we were binded by chains. Then the guard continued, "Today some of you might be bought by the people coming today, so behave yourselves!" People began coming in from the entrance door. There were quiet a few people, just looking at us...observing us...like items put up on display. Then all the guards suddenly knelt down, bowing their heads. What are the guards doing? Why are they- The reason they were kneeling was because...the prince was here! Oh what beauty he has! His bronish-black hair was so long that he had it in a ponytail, his clothes were a royal purple color whith beautiful and elaboret designs of cherry blossoms on it. The head guard said hesitently, "Y-your majesty, wha-what an unexpected surprise! Are you here to hand select a servant?" The prince looked at him with an emotionless exspression. "Yes, I am looking for a servant. Even though I usually send my other servants out to do this, I thought it would be rather fun to pick one..." Then he stared at me...no one else...it felt as if me and him were the only ones in the room. He turned back to the head guard and pointed his finger directly at me. "Guard, I want this one." The guard nodded, and came towards me and said, "This one, hmm...she's worth about 10,000R...how 'bout it?" This guard is selling away my life, for 100,000R?! The prince replied again, emotionlessly, "Sure, that sounds like a fair deal for such a fair maiden." He suddenly gave me a little smile, and then his face went back to an abyss of emotionless wonder as he faced the guard and paid him. One of the guards unchained me, and handed me over to one of the princes servants. "Nice doing buisiness with you, your majesty," said the guard as we left. Then we headed toward a carriage painted with golds, reds, purples and blues. I was put into the back of the carriage and the horses started on, towards Shizeru, the capital, where I will soon learn to call home... Chapter 3: The Trip to Shizeru A few hours had past and before long, it was dark out. The carriage halted to a stop near the Crescent Moon River (anyone can tell that it was the crescent moon river because the rocks inside the river were shaped of crescent moons). The prince stepped out of the carriage ahead of us, walking gracefully to the river. He knelt down and slowly caressed his fingers on the river, smoothly and slowly, then he stood up. "This looks like a good place to camp for the night, set up camp." The servants and guards started on the tents and fire. The prince came over to me as I was getting out of the carrige. "What is your name?" I was in total awe at his beauty, that I didn't answer for a few moments. "Um...my name is Misa Uzari...it's ni-nice to meet his majesty..." I replied in a nervous voice. He looked at me with such a gentle gaze and said, "You don't have to be so formal with me, Misa. You can call me Asame." I was quiet baffled at the prince being so nice to me. He was known for being a cold person with no emotions, and for being very formal, hating people who weren't formal with him that is. So I thought to myself, Why is the prince being so nice to me? I then began to talk to the prince once again. "I'm sorry, but why would you want me to be so impolite as to call you by your first name, your majesty?" For I have a secret...I despise the prince, because when my oldest brother, Kuro, was in his army, the prince decided that he put my brother's troop into the front line when they were at war with a foreign country. But the weirdest thing is happening...I feel somewhat calm when I'm around the prince...it's kind of scary. The prince looked straight at me, looking deeply into mt eyes, as though he was looking through me."You don't have to call me by my first name, but I would like you to, because you are going to be my personal servent." The prince was quiet a naive fellow. "Your majesty, with all do respect, I wish to call you only by 'your majesty'." I pointed out. He turned around, and while slowly walking away he said, "Suit yourself." The crown prince of HaraKuruMoto is known for his athletic and academic abilities, but even though he is a genius, he has no common sense, what so ever. We traveled hundreds and thousands of miles...until we finally reached Shizeru. Chapter 4: The City of Shizeru and The Castle We finally reached the gates of the city. They were tall and somehow reminding me of a bear protecting it's kin. The carriages stopped for the guards to check, but of course they let us through with just a glimpse of his majesty. I looked out the carriage, the city was so busy, so loud, but it felt so cold and lonely, almost as if no one was there. It was completely different from my hometown of Hashiomi, which, even though was not as big as Shizeru, was much more warm to me and never felt lonely. As the carriages were passing through the crowded cobblestone road, the noise of horse hooves pounding on the cobblestone were drowned out as the crowd began to let out loud, rejoicing voices, as there prince had returned. I heard cries such as "Oh~ his majesty is a lovely as ever~!" or, "What a joyous day! Our prince has returned!" As I gazed on at the swooning crowd of merchants and housewives, children and etc, I noticed, we had already reached the castle entrance. The Castle was a magnificent sight. It was a huge, stone-based castle, which was at the exact center of the city. They had at least, 10 guards at the entrance, four at others, and a numerous amount of soldiers surrounding the whole castle. We were going through the garden, that was set up around the road to the main door. I saw maids rushing about their chores, butterflies floating above the fluorescent colored flowers, and, of course, the occasional scholars whom are, most likely, serving in the court or councils (for they seemed to be rushing for some reason, carrying a dozen or so books or scrolls). We reached the main door, and the prince got out of the carriage in front of us. I then, along with the other servants and soldiers, got out of the last carriage. As the prince approached the door, it slowly creaked open from the inside. The prince began his way in, then paused. He looked back at me, and said, "Come, walk beside me. I want to get to know you more." I then started my way up to him,hesitated, but went up to his side. He bagan asking me questions such as, "Where were you born?" or, "How old are you?" or even, "What are your favorite colors?" As he went on rambling, it made him seem cute, making the other maids blush. I just answered his questons straight forwardly. But as he went on, I noticed that that all the other maids, workers, and guards, were staring at me, and whispering to each other, most likely gossiping. I ignored them as we started up the staircase, walking all the way up to the second to the top floor. Once we got up there, most of the other servants and guards had gone to other places, leaving only 4 other maids, and 5 guards. When we reached his room, I was utterly amazed at the beauty of his room. The walls were painted with such exquisite detail, the floor sparkling like stars, and with the prince standing there, it was picture perfect, you could say. Next, the prince sat down on his couch, and said, "Now here is when you began your job." He snapped his fingers and a maid came up to him, offered him a box, and went back out the room. He opened the box, and there he held, a maid outfit. I had also noticed it was rather different than the other maid outfits, slightly, well way more, shorter, and far more...'detailed'...Thus that was my first day, at my new job as....the crown princes' personal maid, catering to his every whim and need. Chapter 5:My New Job?! As I woke up, i thought i was in my room again, everything was blurry. I rubbed my eyes, but to my dismay the image of my room slowly dissloved into a small, one window room. The sunlight from the acute window slowly shown on my face. At that time, I still knew not of what was in store for me. I went and opened the door of my wardrobe, with a single maid uniform hanging neatly in the middle. I dressed myself, and began out the door. As I walk about the long, melancholy hall, I hear the voices of the other maids gossiping, "See that Misa girl over there? She's so despicable! Whats so great bout her that she gets to be the crown princes personal maid, huh? She makes me so angry!" I tried to ignore it though. I finally reached the crown princes' quarters. I knocked on the door..."Crown Prince, it's Misa, I'm coming in..." I opened the door, only to come upon a sight that would even seduce the gods. I saw his majesty, laying on top of his covers, half-naked. His body was beatiful. His long arms looked like they could wrap two women in his embrace, his sholders so broad and sturdy, his skin a beatiful light peach, and his long silky hair lay upon the bed sheets, glistening in the sunlight. Just looking at him made my heart pound. "Um...your majesty? It's time to wake-" He suddenly pulled me onto the bed, still sleeping, he hugged me tigher into his warm embrace. I flailed my arms around trying to escape it, before i drowned in this sweet estasy. But, it was too late. I could not resist anymore. All of a sudden i hear him say to me, "Is it really that comfortable? Maybe we should stay like this a bit longer." He slightly chuckles, and when i turn around to face him, his eyes are staring deeply into mine. "Le-Let me go! Your majesty! This is not appropriate behavior!" he then grins, and in an instant I am turned over on the bed, His majesty hanging over me, holding me down. "Hey! Sto-!" Then suddenly, he moves forward, and gently kisses my lips with his. I can't push him away, he's not holding me down firmly but, I feel weak. As i lay swooning against my will, he unbuttions the front of my dress, and nibbles on my collar bone. "Ahnn...stop, please..." he then faces me again and says in such a sensual voice, "You may say stop, but, ur body is saying otherwise..." He then continues to kiss me. Every place his fingers gently caress me, is hot. I feel like i'm burning inside. He takes off my dress, and which reveals my underwear. I began to blush uncontrolably. As he began to undress me of what little peices of clothing i had left, one of the guards barged in, "Your majesty! sorry to interrupt, but we have some urgent issues you must look over!" His majesty slowly retreated from what he was about to do, back to his sense, as was I. His majesty said in a menacing voice,"Ok, i'll be there in a minute, tell the counciler i will be there soon." The guard shuddered a little, fearing and regretting interuppting him. "Misa, lets continue this later~ <3 " I began to blush again, "What are you talking about? I will do no such thing!" He walked away while putting his robes on, chuckling. "This wasn't part of the job!" sorry if any of the chapters have some misspelled words and aren't separated properly...>_< don't have a lot of time these days... |
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OFWGKTA. <3
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So far I only read the 1st chapter... hmm sound intresting and I felt myself drawn in, so is she speaking that all off this allready happen because it sounded that way + she was a narator?
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SCORPIO, the Scorpion, Eagle or Gray Lizard
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Rookie
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yea, she's telling everything that happened, and yes 'Misa' is the narrator.:D
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OFWGKTA. <3
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Member
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it's good enough, but it needs editing and better phrasing and descriptions... like in chapter 2, i dunno if she was sold for 10K or 100K..
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fated to forever tread that endless path.
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Rookie
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oops ill fix that as soon as i can,thank u 4 pointing that out!:D
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OFWGKTA. <3
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I like it how it goes so far (on chapter 3, arhh can't finish up - exams). So this is suppose to be like, a reverse-harem. It seemed like that so far.
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SCORPIO, the Scorpion, Eagle or Gray Lizard
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Rookie
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yup....^_~
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OFWGKTA. <3
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Moderator
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I could have sworn I already commented on this story. Sorry for the wait.
The first person perspective is certainly unique. I'm not sure what the purpose of this approach is, but it does not subtract from the story. If this story were an anime or manga, would the heroine be narrating the whole thing? I wasn't certain what to think of the prince in episodes two and three. In episode four, I saw the prince as being sketchy as hell. In episode five, he was no longer sketchy, because the word "sketchy" implies some ambiguity or subtlety, which he has none of. It seems like the ecchi in part five would be even more appealing to guys than girls. Was that what you were aiming for? |
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GETITOFFMEEEE!!!
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Member
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i agree with 8th, the prince character is underdeveloped. the first person perspective works, but only just. i suggest you change the narrator once in a while, as listening to just one person's thoughts and feelings is hard to keep interesting. hmm, it would also do the story good if it had a more comedic tone to it, and, the prince made a move on the girl too fast.. anyway, it was a fun read. n_n
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fated to forever tread that endless path.
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Rookie
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atelier7 wrote: i agree with 8th, the prince character is underdeveloped. the first person perspective works, but only just. i suggest you change the narrator once in a while, as listening to just one person's thoughts and feelings is hard to keep interesting. hmm, it would also do the story good if it had a more comedic tone to it, and, the prince made a move on the girl too fast.. anyway, it was a fun read. n_n thanks, ill keep that it mind! it was a rather fast development though, wasnt it?hmm....maybe i can switch that around for later in the story..*smirk* |
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OFWGKTA. <3
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Rookie
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The_8th_Sin wrote: I could have sworn I already commented on this story. Sorry for the wait. The first person perspective is certainly unique. I'm not sure what the purpose of this approach is, but it does not subtract from the story. If this story were an anime or manga, would the heroine be narrating the whole thing? I wasn't certain what to think of the prince in episodes two and three. In episode four, I saw the prince as being sketchy as hell. In episode five, he was no longer sketchy, because the word "sketchy" implies some ambiguity or subtlety, which he has none of. It seems like the ecchi in part five would be even more appealing to guys than girls. Was that what you were aiming for? im not too sure on that yet, because im still experimenting with this story, and right now, i have like, TOO MANY different narrators, which gets confusing, soo im trying to fix that up a bit... in part 5, i was aiming the appeal towards girls...did it really seem to be appealing more to guys?D: i got some revising to do...BIG TIME. and on the part 5 being ecchi....god i dont know what got into me, i thought it would spice up the story a bit...of course i wrote it after reading smutty manga...@_@ rofl bad influences....tsk tsk |
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OFWGKTA. <3
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Moderator
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MilicentPottywinkle wrote: The_8th_Sin wrote: I could have sworn I already commented on this story. Sorry for the wait. The first person perspective is certainly unique. I'm not sure what the purpose of this approach is, but it does not subtract from the story. If this story were an anime or manga, would the heroine be narrating the whole thing? I wasn't certain what to think of the prince in episodes two and three. In episode four, I saw the prince as being sketchy as hell. In episode five, he was no longer sketchy, because the word "sketchy" implies some ambiguity or subtlety, which he has none of. It seems like the ecchi in part five would be even more appealing to guys than girls. Was that what you were aiming for? im not too sure on that yet, because im still experimenting with this story, and right now, i have like, TOO MANY different narrators, which gets confusing, soo im trying to fix that up a bit... in part 5, i was aiming the appeal towards girls...did it really seem to be appealing more to guys?D: i got some revising to do...BIG TIME. and on the part 5 being ecchi....god i dont know what got into me, i thought it would spice up the story a bit...of course i wrote it after reading smutty manga...@_@ rofl bad influences....tsk tsk I don't mind. It was quite enjoyable... |
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GETITOFFMEEEE!!!
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