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Chuck norris jokes?
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69 / M / Limbo
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Posted 6/12/08

YojimboMifune wrote:
let's stop talking about this
im getting a head ache ~_~


Sure... and I'm not being a douche bag.... just wanted to warn you before the swarm of mini-mods come and piss you off by correcting you and telling you, you fail. Thats funeral music thread was pretty cool...
Posted 6/12/08

DRO1 wrote:


YojimboMifune wrote:
let's stop talking about this
im getting a head ache ~_~


Sure... and I'm not being a douche bag.... just wanted to warn you before the swarm of mini-mods come and piss you off by correcting you and telling you, you fail. Thats funeral music thread was pretty cool...


they can't piss me. . . i ignore that annoys me. . .

plus nobody told me that my funeral music thread was moved
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Posted 6/12/08
In the Vietnam war Chuck Norris offered himself up for torture. they cut him open and made him eat his own entrails. Chuck Norris asked for seconds.
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23 / M / Australia
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Posted 6/12/08
come on more please
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27 / M / Bangalore,India
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Posted 6/12/08
1.)Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2.)Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

3.)Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

4.)Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

5.)Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

6.)Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

7.)Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

8.)Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

9.)Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

10.)The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

11.)To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

12.)If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

13.)Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

14.)There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

15.)Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

16.)Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

17.)Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

18.)Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
19.)Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

20.)Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

21.)When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

22.)Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

23.)When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

24.)After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

25.)One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

26.)huck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

27.)Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

28.)Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

29.)Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

30.)Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
Posted 6/12/08

h4x0rz wrote:

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.



shorten this one and im gonna add this in the front page
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Posted 6/12/08

YojimboMifune wrote:


h4x0rz wrote:

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.



shorten this one and im gonna add this in the front page




VIJAYKANTH- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH9y-UwvYzY-Deflects a bullet of his chest.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrjDOPjh0cg- Matrix style sunglasses flip
CHIRANJEEVI(AKA Indian Thriller!)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHYznAb9D9I-Worst.Stunt.Ever.Chased by the pigs.

Vijaykanth and Chiranjeevi can eat Chuck Norris alive.
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Posted 6/12/08
CHUCK NORRIS IS........*go outside and flying kick chuck norris*
IS ANOTHER PLANET IN SOLAR SYSTEM...
Posted 6/12/08

FIREnPAIN wrote:

CHUCK NORRIS IS........*go outside and flying kick chuck norris*
IS ANOTHER PLANET IN SOLAR SYSTEM...


lol wut?
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Posted 6/12/08
LOL chuck norris is just an actor.....and im real tired of this round house thing
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Posted 6/12/08
got this off a group in facebook. Basically,it's a Chuck Norris list with Rajnikanth's name inserted in it.

Rajanikanth makes onions cry

Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajanikanth can drown a fish.

When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth has counted infinity--twice.

Rajnikanth doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.

Rajnikanth once are an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way!

Rajnikanth can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.

When Rajnikanth falls in water, Rajnikanth doesn't get wet. Water gets Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Rajnikanth has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Rajnikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Rajnikanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Rajnikanth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Rajnikanth's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time?

Answer: Rajnikanth


If you want a list of Rajnikanth's enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Rajnikanth does both legs at once.

Rajnikanth does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

There are two kinds of people in this world:
1) those who are dead
2) those who have yet to meet Rajnikanth

Music listens to Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth is your real dad.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX6aqKAfAW0 - to see the man back up these claims.
Posted 6/12/08

h4x0rz wrote:

got this off a group in facebook. Basically,it's a Chuck Norris list with Rajnikanth's name inserted in it.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX6aqKAfAW0 - to see the man back up these claims.


hmmm. . .

pretty much this becomes a rajnikanth jokes than a chuck norris joke

BTW who is this raj guy anway?
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Posted 6/12/08

YojimboMifune wrote:


h4x0rz wrote:

got this off a group in facebook. Basically,it's a Chuck Norris list with Rajnikanth's name inserted in it.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX6aqKAfAW0 - to see the man back up these claims.


hmmm. . .

pretty much this becomes a rajnikanth jokes than a chuck norris joke

BTW who is this raj guy anway?


check the link and hide under your bed.
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27 / F / Heaven
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Posted 6/12/08
who?
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Posted 6/12/08
they're ok funny the first cupple hundred times but,
sadly for you this is the 257 time of me hearing/reading them, and
no.
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