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Posted 6/28/08

teresa6821 wrote:


Mon937 wrote:


teresa6821 wrote:


Mon937 wrote:


teresa6821 wrote:


Mon937 wrote:


teresa6821 wrote:


Mon937 wrote:

Look, I see that ppl are reading it, but are not reviewing and I'd like to ask you to plz review it and hit me up with any problems you see or any suggestions you have. You don't have to, but I will continue to post new chapters for those of you kind enough to read. Again, thank you

theres nothing wrong with it though it so perfect.^^



I'm talkin' about future chapters. I'm not perfect, so I'm bound to slip up at some point.

well i aint much of a profesional crictic so i really dont know whats pefect and what not. To me i think the story is pretty good so far and better yet to come.^^


None of us really are, but we can offer up our opinions to each other and improve based on that. And thanx 4 the comment.

yup yup.^^ it kinda confusing though but thats cause i'm stupid and slow if i reread a few times i like would finally get it.^^



I highly doubt you're slow or stupid, but I'm honored that you think it's interesting enough to even want to read a second time

Hells yeah i gonna re ead it though if i want to get the characters and movement drawn just the way it was written. i dont want to exagerate much and i have to examin everything which i love doing.^^ it my job as an illistrator if i want to gets it.^^ but even if some parts are confusing to me its still really good.



Tell me what's confusin' ya and I'll try ta clear it up
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Posted 6/28/08 , edited 7/30/08
Chapter 19: Reunion



Chapter 20: Back to Work



Chapter 21: Bankai Training Begins

Posted 6/28/08
hey dudue sorry about the delay i had huge problems with my ma but i was also re reading ya story again to get a better understanding and read it nice and slow. I'm gonna ask alot of questions though cause there is still things i dont quite understand. but rereading it is better than the first time i read it.
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Posted 6/28/08

teresa6821 wrote:

hey dudue sorry about the delay i had huge problems with my ma but i was also re reading ya story again to get a better understanding and read it nice and slow. I'm gonna ask alot of questions though cause there is still things i dont quite understand. but rereading it is better than the first time i read it.


Fire away. I've gotta learn to address this stuff in the story so tat ppl don't have to come back and ask me
Posted 6/28/08

Mon937 wrote:


teresa6821 wrote:

hey dudue sorry about the delay i had huge problems with my ma but i was also re reading ya story again to get a better understanding and read it nice and slow. I'm gonna ask alot of questions though cause there is still things i dont quite understand. but rereading it is better than the first time i read it.


Fire away. I've gotta learn to address this stuff in the story so tat ppl don't have to come back and ask me

wait though cause now i forgot what i was gonna ask u..DAMMIT!!!><

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Posted 6/28/08
wow i think this story is way better than the other one
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Posted 6/28/08
for some reason, Zaraki's character seems kinda off. I don't think he would take off his eye patch just like that. oh well. that's just a personal perspective. Overall, first person point of view style works well for your story. it is very interesting compared with my third person point of view
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Posted 6/28/08

seiryuu18 wrote:

for some reason, Zaraki's character seems kinda off. I don't think he would take off his eye patch just like that. oh well. that's just a personal perspective. Overall, first person point of view style works well for your story. it is very interesting compared with my third person point of view


I thought that if he was having fun, he'd want to fight at full power. That's why I had him take off the patch
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Posted 6/28/08

a1175q wrote:

wow i think this story is way better than the other one


which story? And thank you very much
a1175q 
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Posted 6/28/08
this one compare to the previous one
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Posted 6/28/08 , edited 7/30/08
Chapter 22: A brief intermission



Chapter 23: Almost, but Not Quite/Second Day



Chapter 24: Final Inter

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Posted 6/28/08

seiryuu18 wrote:

for some reason, Zaraki's character seems kinda off. I don't think he would take off his eye patch just like that. oh well. that's just a personal perspective. Overall, first person point of view style works well for your story. it is very interesting compared with my third person point of view


Thanx. I was worried about using a first person view before because it's so easy to screw up. It's hard tryin' to remember to write this stuff with I or me and I'm sure it'll get harder once I bring it to present tense
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Posted 6/28/08 , edited 7/30/08
Chapter 25: Final Fight/Last Day



Chapter 26: Report/House Repairs



Chapter 27: Second Encounter/ Keikan Shea

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Posted 6/28/08
wow...you picked the medic team...lol i was expecting you joining hitsugaya or something instead. so i take it's gonna be a fight scene next? overall, good unique storyline style. Hope you are thinking bout the bankai for your character now since he has a crazy amount of reiatsu and his swords originated from his own soul and his family's soul. a special combination bankai would be awsome ^^
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Posted 6/28/08

seiryuu18 wrote:

wow...you picked the medic team...lol i was expecting you joining hitsugaya or something instead. so i take it's gonna be a fight scene next? overall, good unique storyline style. Hope you are thinking bout the bankai for your character now since he has a crazy amount of reiatsu and his swords originated from his own soul and his family's soul. a special combination bankai would be awsome ^^


I dunno! I liked the way everyone got out of Unohana's way ASAP when she got ticked. I thought about Toshiro too, but Tage pissed him off too often, so I thought Toshiro wouldn't pick him. Rest assured, he will pop up at various points, but as a comedy character Tage is always messing with. I have up to Chapter 20 something written down on paper, and he's only achieved Shea's bankai so far since Shea was the closest to him. I know Tage's bankai will have sometime to do with a combo since his own name means two or more things making one in French. The fight is not quite yet since he has to get settled in first and I wanted some comedy in it, but I have a bunch of fights back to back in mind and on paper. Again, it's just a matter of getting them on the computer
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