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[Fanfic]KAMEN RIDER 6
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31 / M / Few kilometres fr...
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Posted 7/5/08
your 2nd chapter is 90% script. motto ganbatte ne~
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Posted 7/5/08
ummm motto ganbatte ummm i dont know what that means lol can u explain in english
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Posted 7/5/08
wait is that good
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27 / M / Anywhere in this...
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Posted 7/5/08
ganbatte means you can do it~ hehehe
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Posted 7/5/08
really so is that good he said 90%
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27 / M / Anywhere in this...
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Posted 7/5/08
he meant that ur ep2 is almost like a script~ lolz
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Posted 7/5/08
umm i still dont get it lol all i wanna know is that is it good or not lol
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31 / M / Few kilometres fr...
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Posted 7/5/08 , edited 7/5/08

Monkey_King_ wrote:

umm i still dont get it lol all i wanna know is that is it good or not lol


it's not bad but it doesnt reach good either you can still improve your writings. let me give u show you some good way of making fanfics. i edit a bit from yours.

ur original
Girl: ok, here's my card...give me a call when your decision is made...bye.
Yuusake:ummm thanks... bye ( looks at her card )
Card: Sakura Ikabi PAAB agent
( gets back home )
Yuusake: OMG... what a trip... time for sleep..
( in his dreams )
Yuusake: huh.. hmmm.. where am i... this isn't my room...
????: thats because your dreaming... HAHAHAHEHEHE(sinister laugh)
Yuusake: what, who are you, where are you...

after edited
"OK, Here's my card. Give me a call when you've made your decission. Bye."
- "Ummm..thanks, bye", reply Yuusuke while looking at the card he just recieved.
The women took her bag and move out from the room, leaving Yuusake alone.
written in the card is 'Sakura Ikabi PAAB agent'.
Yuusake stands up tiredly. He walk toward the room's door, switch off the light and leave the room empty. Closed.

After a few minutes riding on the road, Yuusake finally arrived at his small apartment. Bed is always in his mind eversince he left the meeting.
"Aah~what a trip; time to sleep", whisper the man to himself. Stimulusly, he went to his bed room and fall himself on his firm bed.
Immideatly, he's brought to sleep.

Everything turns blank, unsure it is dark or too bright Yuusuke wonder himself.
"huh.. hmmm.. where am i? this isn't my room..."
Voice: thats because your dreaming...
A sinister laugh follows the voice.
"what, who are you, where are you...", ask Yuusuke in curiousity.
===================================================

there, hope this helps u improving your fanfic. ganbatte!(do your best)
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Posted 7/5/08 , edited 7/5/08
wow thanks. lol my first is also like a scirpt but ill try to make my next episode even better. the only thing that is bad is that are people gonna be a able to read the fight thats it
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Posted 7/5/08 , edited 7/5/08

Monkey_King_ wrote:
the only thing that is bad is that, are people gonna be a able to read the fight? thats it


yes, people can. maybe it could turn out even better.

example, let's take it from yours(again )
Belt: SOUL BLADE
Dog S-E:( charges toward Yuusake agian )
Yuusake/Griffin: (also charges)
(swords clashes back and forth...Yuusake finds an open spot and slashes)
Dog S-E: arrrggggg...
(Yuusake slashes a couple more times)
Dog S-E: ahhhhhhhhhhhh...argggggggg
Yuusake/Griffin: your finished...( takes card out )

edited
The belt shout out 'SOUL BLADE' hence command an iron blade with mythical aura around it's edge.
Charging towards Yuusake, the monsterous looking dog give an angry look with his right arm ready to tear anything before it.
Kamen Rider Griffin; without hestitation also running foward with his sword, confidently.
Once they clashed, they start rampaginging each other. Griffin slashes Soul-Eater Dog back and forth, leaving it hundred scars.

"Arrggghhh..!!!", grump the being, in pain. It's anger & temper rose. Thus, Griffin give it couple more slashes in full force.
Yuusake can feel his fighting spirits burn, but without his realization, he forgot his motivation in fighting. Did he attack that being in hate? shouldn't he fight to protect people?
"You're finished!", shout Kamen Rider Griffin while taking his cards out.
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Posted 7/5/08
ah it seem like aegis dun like dialog AKA Script style writing =)
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Posted 7/6/08
hey, not bad.
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31 / M / Few kilometres fr...
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Posted 7/6/08

djloi wrote:

ah it seem like aegis dun like dialog AKA Script style writing =)


wrong. i myself also use script style writing in my own fiction. but as i said b4, i'm helping him to improve his fiction. putting some details would help making the story better.
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Posted 7/6/08

Aegis85 wrote:


djloi wrote:

ah it seem like aegis dun like dialog AKA Script style writing =)


wrong. i myself also use script style writing in my own fiction. but as i said b4, i'm helping him to improve his fiction. putting some details would help making the story better.


heh...dun need so angry about it =)
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Posted 7/6/08
wait zafz who are you talking about
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