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The Childfree
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31 / M / Seattle
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Posted 7/4/08
You know in this day and age where pretty much anything is accepted. I still find it funny that not wanting children is still seen as taboo. For those of us who do not want to have children we are given the titles of "Selfish", "Childish", "Immature", when I find that most parents fit these descriptions better.

I myself do not want to have children for a number of reasons. But none of those really matter because when you look at our society, children really serve only as a burden to the parents. Now most parents will die before they admit that a child is a burden, but a child is a burden. When you spawn you are not longer in charge of just your life you are in charge of your childs life as well. And these days most of us have found that managing our own life is challenging enough, and we are in complete control of ourselves. By spawning you have now have to control something you have no direct control over. And thus the burden begins.

I do not really think most people see what parenthood is really like. They only see what they see on TV, the very few sentimental moments that you will ever have with your spawn. What is not shown is the baby screaming all night and all day. The toddler running around the house breaking things. The ummm kid running out into the street to grab a ball. The kid stealing from the parents. The kid doing something mischievous that is detrimental to an unprovoked party. Parents fall in love with what we see on TV and in commercials, which is only a minority of the time, a VERY SMALL minority.

But I digress, why do people still find not wanting to have kids taboo? What is so wrong about using your free will to choose to do something else with your time and money?
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27 / philippines
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Posted 7/4/08
Because people in general are still influenced by other people's expectations. Some just do it because they're like " I'm (insert age here) already! oh noes my biological clock! I'm still single! What would people think!!"
Posted 7/4/08 , edited 7/4/08
Ha, people tend to label this childfree people with various names, nicknames and insults. The main reason why it is still a taboo thing, is, because of religions such as Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, etc. While in countries such as in the Middle East, Asia having children is very important, so that you won't lose your face in front of the community there, because having children has a lots of meanings to it, which are counted as very important in certain societies, by such who are mainly based on specific religious beliefs. Having a child, means that you have a successor, who will carry on your name(that's why it is so important in most cultures to have boys, while the girls were neglected in any form), also about the heritage factor, people like to keep their companies, etc in their family, which would be hard if there were no successors from their own family, with the same name and blood. The second thing is also, the natural instinct of a man to reproduce himself, as in passing down his genes, and the maternal instincts of a woman, people are even so selfish that eventhough they know that they have a genetical disease which will be passed down on their offspring, they still want children, just for the fact of having their OWN children. Instead of adopting children with no parents, they still want their OWN children, because of the various factors I've mentioned earlier(which are not the only ones btw). And then there are those people who obviously can't handle to take care of their own children, but they make even more just out of their selfish attitudes. Even if they don't have the financial support to take care of this children, and to give them the possibility of a good education, they still want MORE children.
Also, as I said in a lot of cultures it is very important, if a man doesn't have his own children, then that means for the other people that he is not manly enough, to be more exact: Impotent. etc. Thus he would lose his face. The more children the better.

Floetry~
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Posted 7/4/08
The word taboo is perhaps too strong and malignant to be used in this context. People have the right to choose whether or not to have children, and when to have them when they choose to. In developed countries, more and more couples are deferring childbirth because they' want to prolong their 'honeymoon' period. They have the money and qualifications, and thus are all set to enjoy all the material pleasures out there without having the need to provide and care for a third party i.e. children. But what happens after you've jet setted around the world, bought all the clothes you can afford, built the mansion of your dreams and in the end, there are only just the two of you? In our twenties, we might not feel the need for children so much, as we are always surrounded by friends and have big dreams, but what happens when we reach our fifties? When the pace of life have slowed and when our parents and siblings are perhaps no longer around? Somehow, we have lost our family as we age and yet have failed in building another one in the process.

People nowadays have matured and come to a compromise. They work and play longer and harder, and only talk about marriages and children in their thirties when both parties are wiling to settle down. This works pretty well i should say from our personal pov, although the government gets a little jumpy about the prospect of declining birthrates . Yet we also have to bear in mind that mother nature waits for no one. A woman's biological clock continues to tick and would eventually come to an irreversible stop. This usually is the reason why some married couples are being pushed to have children.

When we talk about how the griefs of parenthood far outweigh the joys of it, i can only say nothing in the world comes easy. Parenting is a lesson that can only be learned through experience. Word of mouth can only do so much, because no matter how cliched this sounds, every child is different. There is no fool-proof way of bringing up your kid and there is no such thing as a perfect child. The 'burden' that you mention, which basically refers to cleaning up your children's mess after they get into trouble, is just another opportunity for you and your spouse to show your commitment towards each other and towards the new family you have established together. And by instilling the right values from young,with the help of family, relatives and friends, the chances you kid's gonna turn out rotten can somewhat be minimized.

As for the media, i'd say they give a pretty balanced view on parenting. Where do you think we get to learn the term 'dysfunctional families'?
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24 / M / land of promise,...
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Posted 7/4/08 , edited 7/4/08
uhm. if i'll get in time when i'll spawn, ill just send them to school and let them take college and let them work. and i'll be a old hag by then.
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27 / M / Bangalore,India
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Posted 7/4/08
"Spawn" sounds like aliens reproducing a horde of invaders.
it's their choice tbh. some people want to have kids and that's that.
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31 / M / Seattle
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Posted 7/4/08

nahjong wrote:

I find that when people torment other people who have not made the same decisions they have makes that something taboo.

As for the whole lost our family thing. What is the old saying "You do not have to be blood to be family"?

Other then that you are telling me most people are just spawn because they cannot think of anything better to do?


MidnightZorya wrote:



Floetry~
And thus the sheeople follow the herd. But thanks for giving me reasons that do not involve sentimentality and all that nonsense.


zeamaes wrote:

Because people in general are still influenced by other people's expectations. Some just do it because they're like " I'm (insert age here) already! oh noes my biological clock! I'm still single! What would people think!!"
Ah yes the biological clock excuse.




h4x0rz wrote:

"Spawn" sounds like aliens reproducing a horde of invaders.
it's their choice tbh. some people want to have kids and that's that.
Sorry for using a negative adjective to describe birthing.

Posted 7/4/08
I don't care if someone doesn't want to have kids. That is their own business and I won't think less of them because of it.
Posted 7/5/08
zoom out >> the big picture

In the past 100 years, humans have multiplied more than the past 100,000 years.

Overpopulation is a becoming a serious problem with billions of people left starving, etc.

It doesn't help that the idiots reproduce more than the useful people. Seriously, ever noticed how rich people
(rich people tend to be born with good genes and succeed) have less kids as compared to poor/relatively poor people. Hence, the world is being populated with more idiots.

the pros of reduced reproduction
1. Less food required
2. Less people required to grow the lesser amount of food as mentioned above.
3. Less idiots.
4. Less people using up natural resources and polluting the planet.
5. Less idiots.

The only problem with this, is if that every youth on the planet decides to have ONLY one child. Within a generation the planets population will split in half, and the whole world economy is ruined.
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39 / M / Closing in
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Posted 7/5/08
Just saw "Becker"
- why did you decide to have so many children?
- The key word here is DECIDE

Even if people DECIDED to have only one child, there would be many more. "Accidents", war rapes (not that many in every country of course, but a factor in Africa for instance), and the lack of or prohbition of contraceptives is bound to hollow the "decision".

The world economy ruined? Great. It isn't working out. Also, the service jobs, and many other jobs like in agriculture, would be "lost" by a division of the world's population, that is: not needed. We don't need that many barbers, shop assistants, etc with half the population.

I love it when people say "children are our future", it means: a) I have no part of the future but also, b) I have no responsibility for the future.
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76 / F / Philippines
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Posted 7/5/08



it depends =)
but i would say u had a point
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25 / M / Not telling...But...
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Posted 7/5/08
Overpopulation is gonna be a very serious issue in near future if people are multiplying like rabbits..
Im not saying producing is bad, overproducing and under-producing is.
But if everyone were to be child-free in the future, isn it like a very sad thing?
Imagining seeing old people around and no young children...That kind of life stinks...
Ok maybe having a baby is very frustrating, but think of what they can bring to you if brought up properly...
They could very talented or if they're no so talented then they can at least contribute by serving lower positions...
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F / At the studio.
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Posted 7/5/08

anti-freeze wrote:

You know in this day and age where pretty much anything is accepted. I still find it funny that not wanting children is still seen as taboo. For those of us who do not want to have children we are given the titles of "Selfish", "Childish", "Immature", when I find that most parents fit these descriptions better.

I myself do not want to have children for a number of reasons. But none of those really matter because when you look at our society, children really serve only as a burden to the parents. Now most parents will die before they admit that a child is a burden, but a child is a burden. When you spawn you are not longer in charge of just your life you are in charge of your childs life as well. And these days most of us have found that managing our own life is challenging enough, and we are in complete control of ourselves. By spawning you have now have to control something you have no direct control over. And thus the burden begins.

I do not really think most people see what parenthood is really like. They only see what they see on TV, the very few sentimental moments that you will ever have with your spawn. What is not shown is the baby screaming all night and all day. The toddler running around the house breaking things. The ummm kid running out into the street to grab a ball. The kid stealing from the parents. The kid doing something mischievous that is detrimental to an unprovoked party. Parents fall in love with what we see on TV and in commercials, which is only a minority of the time, a VERY SMALL minority.

But I digress, why do people still find not wanting to have kids taboo? What is so wrong about using your free will to choose to do something else with your time and money?


My brother and his wife have chosen not to have kids, and that is their choice, and I respect it. However, I have 2 kids and I have never considered them a burden. Its kinda obvious you DONT have kids because if you did, you would understand the unconditional love that goes along with our parenting "burden". It isn't a bother when baby screams all night, it's a joy. (well, ok, it's a little annoying.)You are young, maybe someday you'll see what I mean, but if you choose not to, than thats your choice,and I wont put you down because of it! I still believe that nobody can truly become unselfish until they learn to give themselves away as a parent.
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27 / M / Bermuda Triangle
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Posted 7/5/08 , edited 7/5/08

anti-freeze wrote:
You know in this day and age where pretty much anything is accepted. I still find it funny that not wanting children is still seen as taboo. For those of us who do not want to have children we are given the titles of "Selfish", "Childish", "Immature", when I find that most parents fit these descriptions better.

I think it's less of a taboo and more of cultural acceptance. People seem to unconciously think that their lifestyle is very animalistic so to speak: we're born, we grow up, get an education, get a job, get married, have kids and raise them, then live the rest of who knows how many years in retirement doing who knows what. Animals do not apply for jobs but you get the idea, people tend to follow the basic trend cycle. All of these are a priority in one's life except having kids, and retirement but that's a different subject (in short it makes people lazy).
If we don't have kids we're not going to die, and considering the increase in population and the earth overcrowding I think the whole world should lay back on the idea of having kids. I don't mean to be Chinese or anything (no offense) but people think children=happiness. They're not entirely wrong but if they fruit of your love is based on having children your life will be hell, like Goofy in the Goofy Movie if you've seen it (his whole reason for living is for his one kid).
Selfish my be a bad word considering what it is usually connotated to but if you think about it not choosing a parent can be selfless. If it is hard enough to take care of yourself, would that make you a qualified parent? I think not, so not becoming a parent might save the whole world a lot of trouble.
I agree with what you said, especially in the 3rd paragraph but I don't think that all children are considered burdens (at least not in a negative sense). I think having children helps you develop yourself too as a person but when you're not ready for it, then that is when it becomes a burden, I believe.
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24 / F / Tampa, FL
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Posted 7/5/08
A lot of pressure is put on people to have children. I, myself, do not want children. I'd rather focus on my career, live a nice life, and not have to worry about becoming a fat lard from getting pregnant or the stresses of raising a child.

However, it gets annoying when my mom gives random comments like "I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!" or "I'm saving these for your children". For many people, it's an expectation to continue the bloodline from their parents and peers. Also, although one partner may not want children, I'm pretty sure it's not easy to find a spouse with the same ideas in mind.

Humans are also biologically inclined to reproduce. Most men want to "pass on their bloodline" and women have their motherly instincts.

I am indeed selfish, and care more about my life than some baby's Maybe when the time comes, if I get nagged enough, I'll adopt.
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