Post Reply "The Envoy" By OKIJIN
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OKIJIN 
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25 / M / Oregon
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Posted 7/9/08 , edited 8/9/08
The Envoy
MA-This story is recommended for more mature readers. Contains Strong Violence, Launguage, ((Censored)).

Genres: Horror/Psycological Thriller
It is said that in the small village of Okota lives a being that is neither human nor animal. Sence 1900 it had claimed lives, 12 every year to fulfill its hunger, for souls. Now 75 year slater, a local student named Ken has an encounter of this being. He remains unharmed, but sees terrifying visions of terror, demons, pain, suffering, and death. Ken and his friends Aki and Daiku are now searching for answers to find out what this thing is. But as they get deeper, they soon see that what they are facing is more terrifying than facing death in the face.

Opening: New World~Back-On
Ending: FLASHBACK~High and Mighty Color


Episode 1:Encouter


Episode 2:Visions of Evil


Episode 3:Dead Eye


Episode 4:Flaw


Episode 5:The Gate


Final Episode:Reality
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Posted 7/9/08


seems very similar to higurashi with some of the characters bearing similar auras. the body showing up monthly is also somewhat similar. but you have me hooked. i want to see what happens next.

keep it up.
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OKIJIN 
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Posted 7/9/08

mafiaman wrote:



seems very similar to higurashi with some of the characters bearing similar auras. the body showing up monthly is also somewhat similar. but you have me hooked. i want to see what happens next.

keep it up.


Well, Higurashi did inspire me to creat ethis story. So I guess it does share some similarities.
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Posted 7/9/08

OKIJIN wrote:


mafiaman wrote:



seems very similar to higurashi with some of the characters bearing similar auras. the body showing up monthly is also somewhat similar. but you have me hooked. i want to see what happens next.

keep it up.


Well, Higurashi did inspire me to creat ethis story. So I guess it does share some similarities.


If your intention was to grab my attention by making it similar to Higurashi, you have succeeded beautifully. I apoligize, but I won't be reading it right now.
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OKIJIN 
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Posted 7/13/08
Okey, it is done. The short series "The Envoy" is complete.
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26 / M / Rochester, NY, USA
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Posted 7/13/08
i read it all. very, very good.
making it all a dream was a good touch.
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OKIJIN 
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Posted 7/13/08

mafiaman wrote:

i read it all. very, very good.
making it all a dream was a good touch.


I was confused on how to twist the ending. So why not make it dream, but he was dreaming about the story he was writing.
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Posted 7/15/08
isnt that breaking the 4th wall?
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OKIJIN 
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Posted 7/15/08
4th wall?
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Posted 7/15/08
breaking the 4th wall. when a character in show or play refers to the show or play.
the 4th wall: a term originated from theatre. since the stage has 3 real walls, the 4th wall is the imaginary wall which separates the actors from the audience.

for example:
character1:im gonna kill you!
character 2: not so loud you'll wake the viewers.
character 1:WHAT?!! they shouldnt be sleeping!

understand better?
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OKIJIN 
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Posted 7/15/08
Oh, that makes sence. I just never heard of the term before, till now.
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26 / M / Rochester, NY, USA
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Posted 7/16/08
glad to be of service.
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Posted 7/20/08
though it was a very good story, you have committed two writing crimes.
first is the god's machine, where plot devices are blatantly put in. it's the error of a lot of stories here: what should have been a mystery was discovered in some library books, the envoy explaining himself to his victims. the plot points weren't built up on; they were simply shoved into the story. for example, Aki knew about the mages, even thought there is no reference to her reading books of lore, or even being an avid reader for that matter.
next is the dream ending. though it seems good at first, people will sigh and say, "what the heck? that was it?" it's an ugly plot device to use, because everything can be explained through it.
there is potential, however. had you been more vivid and more detailed, with more attention to what should happen before a plot point, then it could have been one of the better stories here. but hey, i loved it.
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OKIJIN 
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Posted 8/9/08 , edited 8/9/08
Hehe, glade you liked it, but I am dearly sorry for that great mistake of genre.
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