Post Reply "Angel's Blood" by gallade
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Posted 7/10/08 , edited 7/24/08
OK! Now I'm trying to improve! Hope you like the slight changes! "Slice of Life" is new as well as I've noticed that the main character obviously didn't know much about what stuff were from sight, just vague description! So I hope this is better!

Angel's Blood - Genres: Magical Girl, Action, Comedy, Science Fiction, Slice of Life, Shounen

Transformation sequence: You see a silhoette of the girl(s) that is/are transforming. You then see the DNA split in 2, then see a different strand replace it. Wings sprout from the girl(s)'s back and the human ears get replaced and a tail appears depending on the spirit animal (for Aimi, the wolf ears replace the human ears.). A halo appears. And the silhoette becomes the angel (everything shown) and that's it!



Episode 1

The Bittersweet Beginning



Episode 2

Enter the Emi

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Posted 7/10/08
Wow, pretty cool! Great story, looks promesing and I can relate a lot to Aimi, I was born blind, but now I can see, though I got to say, for a blind person she behaved strange!
Good job, can't wait for more.
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Posted 7/20/08
this is, for me, an unrefined gemstone. there is a lot of ways to exploit the storyline, and it is so far the best quality of your story. however, the way it is laid out is awkward. it's unnatural, and people act normally, stereotypically, boring, even. five awesome daggers? not something one would blurt out in awe.
fix the dialogue, make the characters more interesting, make it more vivid overall. i'm not feeling what i expected to feel. in a bad way.
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Posted 7/24/08 , edited 7/24/08

atelier7 wrote:

this is, for me, an unrefined gemstone. there is a lot of ways to exploit the storyline, and it is so far the best quality of your story. however, the way it is laid out is awkward. it's unnatural, and people act normally, stereotypically, boring, even. five awesome daggers? not something one would blurt out in awe.
fix the dialogue, make the characters more interesting, make it more vivid overall. i'm not feeling what i expected to feel. in a bad way.


Yeah... I was expecting someone to hate my script... I heard from a friend of mine say the EXACT SAME THING! Now, in truth, this is the first time a creative juice flowed in something that WASN'T a drawing (and I've got DeviantArt for that!)! So expect it to be stupid! And Aimi, the main character, is supposed to be a tomboy and Emi's supposed to be eccentric! So, I will TRY to fix this up, but I can't promise this will be any better. There will be character pics, soon! Sorry if it's THAT bad! T_T *sob*
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Posted 7/24/08

atelier7 wrote:

this is, for me, an unrefined gemstone. there is a lot of ways to exploit the storyline, and it is so far the best quality of your story. however, the way it is laid out is awkward. it's unnatural, and people act normally, stereotypically, boring, even. five awesome daggers? not something one would blurt out in awe.
fix the dialogue, make the characters more interesting, make it more vivid overall. i'm not feeling what i expected to feel. in a bad way.


You are brutal. Brutal! I hope that someday, I can attain your level of constructive critisism.
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Posted 7/24/08
Hold on, Gallade. I will comment on this story as soon as I read Episode 2.
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Posted 7/25/08

gallade wrote:


atelier7 wrote:

this is, for me, an unrefined gemstone. there is a lot of ways to exploit the storyline, and it is so far the best quality of your story. however, the way it is laid out is awkward. it's unnatural, and people act normally, stereotypically, boring, even. five awesome daggers? not something one would blurt out in awe.
fix the dialogue, make the characters more interesting, make it more vivid overall. i'm not feeling what i expected to feel. in a bad way.


Yeah... I was expecting someone to hate my script... I heard from a friend of mine say the EXACT SAME THING! Now, in truth, this is the first time a creative juice flowed in something that WASN'T a drawing (and I've got DeviantArt for that!)! So expect it to be stupid! And Aimi, the main character, is supposed to be a tomboy and Emi's supposed to be eccentric! So, I will TRY to fix this up, but I can't promise this will be any better. There will be character pics, soon! Sorry if it's THAT bad! T_T *sob*


hey, hey, sorry if i sounded so bad and cruel, i'm not really like that in real life. ah, whatever. err, yeah, there. hahaha. guess getting pounded for my work got me ready to pound others'.


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Posted 7/25/08
by the way, i don't hate it (that's too harsh a word isn't it?). honestly. it's more like, underwhelmed.
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Posted 7/25/08

atelier7 wrote:

by the way, i don't hate it (that's too harsh a word isn't it?). honestly. it's more like, underwhelmed.


OK. I hope the changes make it more... better... (such bad grammar)
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Posted 8/29/08
it's still too random. make the settings and situations more concrete. i LOLed at your descriptions though. Little Hawaiian snack. :))
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