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"Divine" by jadenik |
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mousin and I are working on this called Divine. Here is a preview of divine
** Spoiler Alert!!! click to hide or show** I stare at the land in front of me, Its nothing but a black desert with strong winds endlessly blowing. I lay standing in front of a cave on a giant stone staircase smoking a cigarette. I've been here for awhile and I'm really starting to get bored. Most of my time, I just sit on my throne and read. I'm trying to find the answers to my dreams, the dreams that I have every night. I have dreams of ten gods that appear before me. I can feel their mighty power surounding me. Suddenly, they turn to dust and buried in their ashes are these ten magnificent rings. I cannot see the faces of the gods,however, for they are covered in the shadows. All I see is their dark malevolent shapes. I wonder who they are. I have dreams of these three glorious cites that are like heaven on earth. In these cities, their inhabits live happy lives and never have fear for heroes to protect them from evil. Suddenly, factions of the three cities wage war. Then, the shadows of the ten gods loom over the land of the cities and the citizens of the great land become shadows themselves and disappear along with the gods. The cities remain but lay empty. I have nightmares of the world being in the hands of a black figure. Suddenly, a gray and a white figure arise to oppose this black figure that I saw. Thier armies fight over the world, but the black figure wins the war and the world is left in ruins. But the ones who survive the war come to the three magnificent cities. I have dreams of ten people wielding the rings of my dreams of the gods. Suddenly, they are shrouded by shadows forming the shape of the ten gods. What do my dreams mean. This book holds the answers I seek. I do not know how I ended up in this cave or the life I had before waking up here. I woke up wearing this strange armor. Am I some kind if knight? I have these vague memories of these ten towns, which happen to be nothing like the three glorious cities in my dreams. Who exactly am I? Wait! I see a large group of strangers coming towards the staircase. Soon, one of the strangers runs towards me and hugs me. "I missed you", the stranger cries. I see several others running up the stairs and hugging me. The strangers release their embrace as another stranger walks up the stairs holding a glowing red stone. This strangers tells me to touch the stone. I obey the stranger's instructions and I touch it. As I touch the stone, many images flash before my eyes. I remember everything now. Saga 1:The Order of Zion Part 1:The Prison Tower ** Spoiler Alert!!! click to hide or show** Tom ran across the red barren wasteland, away from the beast that chased him. He looks over his shoulder as he ran. The beast had a shape but its form was obscured in a shadow. It had a wingspan of 10 yards. Its red eyes gazed at me with a hungry look. "What the fuck is that thing? Where am I?", he thought as he continued to run. Suddenly, he tripped over a rock. The beast then glided down toward him with its claws stretched, ready to grad him. "This is the end. I haven even reached adult hood. Where's Ruki? Where's Jon? Where's anybody?" The beast approaches him, ready for the kill. "No, I’m not going down as prey. My people would be ashamed. They never go down with a fight. Its a shameful way to die", he thought to himself. Tom got up and jumped at the best, ready to fight back with his own claws. It did little good, the beast swiped him out of the air, leaving a large scratch mark on his face. "Is that the best you got? That barely even hurts me, you pussy", taunted Tom. Tom jumped at the beast again, ready to punch it on the face. This time, he managed to dodge the claw, strikes, and lands a hit on the beast. He lands on his feet and looks up at it. His hit seemed to have done no good. The Beast shoot black lasers from its eyes at Tom. The lasers were too quick for Tom to dodge. The blasts hit him with great impact, causing him to fly 12 feet backwards and land in his back, "Gods damn, that hurt, I can't get up", he yelled in pain. The beast again approaches him and picks him up with ease. The beast held him in front of him. Its eyes were glowing. Tom looked at the beast with fear. He knew that glowing meant something deadly for him. "Well there's one last thing for me to do". Tom spit a great wad of hot saliva at the face of the beast. It did nothing but anger the beast. "When we meet in hell, I'll be ready to kill you over and over again. You ugly motherfucker.", said Tom angrily while flipping the beast off with both fingers. Suddenly, he heard a loud noise that shook the ground. Then another loud noise and another. The beast looked to the right to see what was approaching. A red, fiery giant with big, red horns and a long, red tail. The giant carried a big axe over its back. The beast drops Tom and begins to walk towards the giant. The two titans meet and stood face to face. The giant withdrew its axe and stroke a battle ready pose. The giant made the first move and held the axe over its head and swung it at the beast. The beast caught the axe with its claws and shoot black lasers from its eyes at the giant. The giant countered with a breath of fire. The two attacks collided bit the lasers soon overpowered the breathe of fire and hit the giant. This knocked the giant back a long distance The beast then slashed the giant several times across its body. The giant roared in anger and the fire on its body increased in fury, giving the giant an aura of fire surrounding its body. IT threw its blazing axe at the beast. The axe landed in the beast's left shoulder, causing it to screech in pain. The giants aimed its aimed its hands at the beast and blasted continuous streams of fire at the beast. The beast was now completely on fire, hollering so loud that Tom had to cover his hears he watched the fight laying on the ground, The giants walked towards the beast as it continued the attack. When it finally reached the beast, it stopped the attacked and grabbed the handle of its axe. The giants was completely immune to the fire and pulled the axe out of the beast's shoulder, causing to howl in great pain. The giant raised its axe and chopped the beat in half. The Beast was nothing but a giant shadow and its sides faded in way. The giant walked towards Tom. Tom looked at the giant in awe. He knew this giant from somewhere, he just couldn't remember its name. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant legion of demons appeared of nowhere. One of them walked up to Tom and rested him upon their shoulder. "Stand before the War Devil, soldier", the demon into Tom's ear. "Of course, Mares the War Devil!", said Tom in shock. The demons raised swords, spears, and axes into the air. "Ave Mares, Ave Mares!",, the chanted. Tom couldn't help but smile and raise his fist into the air and chant with them. "Ave Mares, Ave Mares!", he cried with them. Mares looked at Tom and knelt before him. He stretched his arms towards him and open up his hand to reveal a red ring. The demon resting Tom against his shoulder put him into Mare's giant hand. Tom then put the ring onto the middle finger of his right hand. Mares then sat Tom onto his shoulder. "Ave Tom, Ave Mares! Ave Tom, Ave Mares!", The Demons now chanted. "Ave Tom, Ave Mares!, he shouted in joy with them. "Darn it Tom ,would you shut you!', said a woman's voice. Tom woke up in a angry mood. "Gods damn it Ruki, why the hell did you have to go and wake me up for",he shouted. "Maybe be if you did wake me up by shouting in your sleep, I wouldn't to yell at you", said Ruki. "Oh, I'm sorry, Ruki, I was just having a nice dream. I'm going back to back sleep. If I start yelling in my sleep again, don't be afraid to hit me.", said Tom as he laid against the dungeon wall and closed his eyes. "You better not wake me again.", said Ruki as she went to sleep. Their full names are Tom Thorn and Ruki Yamagi. Tom is 23 and is 5'7 feet long. His is naturally tan. He has brown eyes, long, wild, fire red hair that goes down past his neck, and is muscular. Ruki is 24 years old and is 6'1' feet long. She has one left blue eyes and an eye patch, long, black hair, and her skin is pale. Both had bruises all over their skin. Tom snored loudly but Ruki didn't mind, she had gotten used to it. But she was sick of this cell they been stuck together in for 3 days. She was starting to miss the outdoors she had complained about sleeping before she had come to rescue Tom. She hated the limited space she had been forced into. Suddenly, she heard a door slam that awoke her. The noise annoyed her, She was trying to get some sleep since she had barely had any yesterday. A man dressed in black armor approached their with a tray with two plates on it. She envied the man in the black armor. She and Tom missed their grey armor that kept them warm. Their jailors forced them to wear rags to humiliate them. They didn't even have any underwear underneath! The room of their cell was cold and damp. Ruki had got used to the cold in her homeland but it was worse for Tom. His people couldn't stand the cold. Poor had been here 4 days more than she had. The man in the black armor had to give dinner. "Here you go, fresh meat and wine just like you asked, Boy.", the man said to Tom. "Raw neat again? Well at least I get some alcohol. It's been to damn since I had a cold one", said Tom as he and Ruki were handed some their trays. Ruki started to chew on her raw meat quickly. They were only given one meal per deal. Tom went for the wine first, he loved alcohol and always had it first before his meals. He licked his lips and sipped the wine from the wooden cup he was given. But then, his eyes widened and spat out the drink he had taken. He threw the cup against the wall and the liquid dripped off the wall and dripped to the ground. He look at the guard with an abgry glare. "YOU SICK BASTARD, THAT WAS BLOOD!", he shouted so loud that it could heard from the outside. The guard just laughed and smiled. "I thought you'd love it, after all, doesn't kind love fresh blood and meat?", he said mockingly. Tom ran to the bars and reached his hands to grab the guard but he had backed off as soon as Tom got up. "WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, I’m GONNA FUCKING YOU, YOU HEAR ME? I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!!", Tom shouted at the top of his lungs. The guard just smiled and laughed mockingly. "Typical of you, you monsters are born killers. Besides, you're never getting of here. They can send all the men they want, we'll just stop him. As soon as we done with this base, we'll leave here to rot.". Ruki glared with hate at the guard and got up. She limped to the bars and leaned on them. "They'll come and you'll be glad when you're in hell and you'll have to see them again after what they'll do to you." The guard laughed so hard that he wept a little. "oh Yahlah, you guys crack me up. I have to switch duty or you two will cause me to have a heart attack." He walked up to the room of the door and opened it and took a last look at them. "Oh, by the way, if you have to piss or shit, go on the floor", then he slammed the door shut while laughing. Ruki and Tom both leaned to the walls closest to them and slid slowly to the floor and looked at each other. Tom turned his head and spat out hot saliva. "Ruki.", said Tom. "Yeah, what is it", said Ruki. "I want you to know that eve though we don't hang out that much anymore, I want you to know that I had to die with a woman, it'd be you. You always were like an older sister to me. What I'm trying to say is that i love you". Ruki smiled, something he hadn't done in a long while. "Thank you Tom, I love you too." Ruki and Tom had been childhood twins since they were 6 and 7. Their families were also good friends. "You think a second rescue team will save us?', Tom asked Ruki. "After my team failed, I'm sure they'll send a stronger one to get us, probaly two.", she replied. As a few minutes passed, they both fell asleep. As they slept, a red ring on TOm's hand and a white ring on Ruki's finger began to glow. ==================================================================================== The guard that served Ruki and Tom's dinner walked through a hallway to a room with a large black door. He entered the room to see a tall, slender man in black armor wearing a red cape and a helmet that only revealed his sinister black eyes at large desk. "when are we going to torture them again? I'm tired of feeding that pale weirdo and that man-eating monster, i want to have some real fun.", complained the guard. "You do not decide your duties, corporal, you pathetic whining will not change my mind.", said the guard's superior. "Well, can at least guard the door to the interrogation room? I love hearing their screams.", smiled the guard, thinking of the terrible torture their captive went through. "We're done interrogating, they won't tell us anything. I have decided to find out whose is closest to them out their men. We'll get them through their loved ones". "You're a genius captain, when we should be done.", said the guard in glee. 'I sent some men to the prison wing to search the knights and interrogate them. We've been at it for the past 13 hours now." answered the captain. The two herds a group of foot steps out the door. "Ah, here they should be now." The door opened and entered three soldiers , each holding a prisoner. The soldiers threw their prisoners to the ground. Unlike, Ruki and Tom, these prisoners still hide their armor on. The first prisoner look like Tom, except with shorter, black dyed hair and had no muscles. He wore black eye shadow on. The second prisoner was about 6'4,large and muscular, had brown hair, and green eyes. The third prisoner was an attractive busty, female that was 5'3, long blonde hair, wore pink lipstick, and had green eyes similar to Dean's. "What's theirs name and their relationships to 2nd Lieutenant Thorn and 1st Lieutenant Yamagi?", asked the captain. One of the guards stepped up and introduced the prisoners. "The fag with the eye shadow is Corporal Jon Thorn, identical brother of Lieutenant Thorn and best friend of Lieutenant yagami. The big man is Sergeant Dean Sargoth, best friend of Lieutenant Thorn and friend of Lieutenant Yagami. The slut here is Private Celia Darlton, she's apparently a good friend of both Lieutenants.", said the soldier "Good work, sergeant. Corporal, wake the lieutenants, we've found a way to make them speak.", ordered the Captain, The corporal ran out the door. Dean raised his head to the captain. "What you're going to do to us, you scum?", said Dean weakly. "You're going to help us make your friends speak. Sergeant, you and your men here take them to the interrogation room. Stripped them naked, and tie their hands to the ceiling. Its time we make use of the whips." =================================================================================== Two soldiers escorted the Tom and Ruki through the hall. "You assholes know it's going to be useless, beat the shit out of us all you want, you can't make us talk.", Tom taunted. "Brag all you want, beast, you are going to talk.", said the soldier escorting Tom. They finally reached the interrogation room and Tom and Ruki were shocked at what they found. Celia, Dean, and Jon were to hanging from the ceiling naked. Three soldiers stood in front of them holding whips. Their captain was sitting at a table with three chairs. "Please sit and talk with me.",said the Captain Politely. The escorts sat Tom and Ruki in the chairs and stood behind them. "WHIP ANY OF THEM ONCE AND I'LL SHOW YOU A NEW MEANING OF PAIN", tom yelled and tried to jump at the Captain but his escort held him back. "Now, now, let's not lose our temper, I wouldn't want anything to happen to your brother", said the captain as the soldier in front of Jon held up his whip. Tom looked at the captain liked he was ready to kill. "Please don't hurt them, they’re siblings to me, hurt us instead.', begged Ruki. "That never did get us anywhere, now did it?", said the captain. "Look, all we want is information on the weapons. Please tell us, and we won't lay a finger on them.", said the captain. Tom didn't say anything and the soldier in front of Dean was reading his whip. "Wait, I know what you want, you want to know about the supposed weapons of the Divine.", said Ruki as she stood up to halt the soldier. "Now we're getting somewhere", said the Captain. "It is said that the Yahville division of the Order of the Divine Knights holds several weapons said to be owned by the Divine themselves. In fact, legend says that each of the divisions hold artifacts related to the Divine and Zion, the lost sacred continent." "Correct, only officers of the order can know about those secrets.", said Ruki. Tom just sat there, looking ashamed. "What's the matter with your friend?", asked the Captain. "He's torn, he doesn't want to reveal secret information yet he doesn't want his loved ones hurt.", answered Ruki. "I see, I guess you'll just have to answer for him.", said the captain. Tom just stared at him angrily. "What does the Dark Knights want with those weapons anyway? The legend says only the Divine can use them", asked Ruki. "I'm the one asking questions here. All I can tell you is that our lord wants them.", answered the Captain coldly. "Now, what weapons does Yahville hold?", demanded the Captain. "The katana of the goddess Hikami and the axe of Mares", said Ruki. Tom started to shed tears. "The Lady of Light and the War Devil?", said the captain. "Why would the Divine Knights posses the axe of an evil divine?'. Tom got angry but had tears in his eyes. "He wasn't evil, you ignorant bastard. He was Yahlah's general and the bravest of them all", shouted Tom. "yes, so says the myths that the children of evil started in their attempts to fool the innocent i notice that you and brother have pointed ears. Tell me, did your father rape an beautiful elfin woman.", said the captain. Tom exploded with rage. He quickly jumped out of his seat, out of the reach of his escort, and knocked Captain onto the floor. "MY FATHER IS A GENTLEMAN, HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE OF SUCH A CRIME. I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK, YOU SON OF A BITCH"., said Tom as he gripped the captain's neck. One of the escorts grabbed a club and knock Tom unconscious with it. The escort moved Tom's body off the captain. The captain got and looked at Tom. "Demons, sons of the evil Mares, and killers of the innocent. Even the half breed as just as wicked", he said calmly. "Should we whip the captives, sir". asked of the soldiers with the whips. "No, we got good enough information. They told all they could. But, but lock the half-demon and his brother together. We wouldn't want them killing anyone, do we?", said the Captain. Dean and Celia were put back into the prison wing along with the other lower rank knights. Ruki was allowed to wear her armor again and shared a cell with Celia , Dean, and other knights, But Tom was stripped naked and put back into the private cell where he spent a week along with his brother. Their jailors mocked them and threw raw meat and cups of animal blood at them for the rest of the night ==================================================================================== [Its my first chapter, it'll get better as I update more. This is just the ifrst chapter of what I plan to be a long series. SO don't judge the series of what is just the first chapter. Next, episode 2:The rescue |
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Rookie
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preview is interesting.
as for the characters i think it would be best to not display their sexual orientation outright. it would probably be better to reveal it in the story or not at all. |
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firin mah lazur
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this is a very interesting story. the preview was a bit cliche, but it was well-written (in the plot sense). i agree with mafiaman, it's better to not state their sexual orientation outright. reveal it in the story instead.
how about this for a tying plotline: the Divines were the most powerful beings in the universe, able to control the might of the forces of nature. the storms, winds, and waves were theirs to command. however, natural law dictates that there should be those to keep these powers in check. these took the form of the Mera, embodiments of nothingness. instead of taking up space, they are composed of space, tears and holes in the fabric of reality. the divines could not touch these beings, as they do not fall under their will, and so the Mera wreaked havoc among the less powerful beings on the planets, the descendants of the Anthropophagus race. Yahlah, king of the divine, pondered the problem and came to an answer: the Divines did not have the power to touch them, and the Anthropophagi did not have the power to vanquish them, so in the stead of these two the ones to fight |
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fated to forever tread that endless path.
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will be those that possess both abilities. this is how the Divine knights came into existence.
the Divine knights gain their power from the rings they bear, and each rings draws its power from one of the divines. however, yahlah has yet to find an anthropophagus powerful enough to receive his might... |
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fated to forever tread that endless path.
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Mask Syndicate:
The first enemies in the storyline. They are merely warriors and mercenaries fishing from troubled waters. the Divine knights find out that they need to fight these gifted combatants off while fending off the Mera. The Skull Guild: The last remaining bastion of the forgotten Anthropophagus race, the morphs. these morphs seek to control the world once more, and they try to do so by absorbing the powers of the Mera. The Death Knights: The Death Knights are souls consumed by the malevolence of the Mera. they are beings of contrasting forces, of existence and non-existence. ** Spoiler Alert!!! click to hide or show** one of the divine knights is fated to join the ranks of the death knights, and as such would be the greatest enemy during this arc. Eight: The Eight are the most complete Mera; that is, they are those who were borne from the complete destruction of reality. They seem to display sentience and wield unyielding strength, almost enough to match the divines'. In the later parts of their arc they start to merge with other, lesser Mera to become more powerful. ** Spoiler Alert!!! click to hide or show** the last three members of the eight were formerly Death Knights, brought back to life by their Mera sides. |
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fated to forever tread that endless path.
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The Descendants of the Antropophagi:
Humans - the father race of the angels and shades. they are the third oldest Antropophagus race, and have developed their technology in order to make up for their limited aptitude in the mystic arts. humans also hold the secret of taming the Beasts (the animals of this world), which they use for various purposes. Angels - they were originally Humans, but were blessed by the divine Higumi in return for something they have done, to the extent that they can wield a weaker versions of the god's powers. upon reaching a certain age, they enter the Rite of Wings, which puts them in hibernation for a month in a coccoon. upon emergence they sport wings and a holy mark on their foreheads which enables them to wield greater powers. Note: they are the race putting up the best defense against the Mera. Shades - they sprung from several tribes of humans possessing an unusually strong sense for the magicks. they think of themselves as superior to other races, and are good at wielding powerful spells, coming only second to the angels. Note: the Shades are the ones responsible for the birth of the first of the Eight, Svelte. Elves - this race is specialized in the Art of Souls, a different magical style from the ones the shades and humans use. Elves look a lot like the humans when they are young, but start displaying elfin characteristics at puberty. At this stage their parents imbue them with the gift of tongues, allowing them to understand the language of the world that surrounds them. Arks - elves said to be descended from the royal dynasty. these elves have very unstable magical auras, and are confined in the Underground Catacombs. they are discriminated because of their powers. like the elves, they look a lot like humans when they are young. Before reaching the age of thirteen, they are trapped in an Ark of Noah (from where they get their name), as upon reaching puberty they let loose an explosion of magical power that completely chanes their outward appearance. |
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fated to forever tread that endless path.
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Goblins - the most ancient of the races, so old that they display Beastlike characteristics. At the age of three they are sent out into the wild in order to become suitable members of the tribe. they are only allowed to return upon killing a Dwes'tiva (a wyvern). Note: their population count is reducing mainly because the Mera render it almost impossible for the young Goblins to survive.
Vampires - these are actually composed of ex-members of various races, except that they possess a memory instead of a soul. the Vampires are capable of using the powers of the race they were formerly part of (except fo the ex-Angels). In addition to this, they have a large lifespan, and are capable of using their stocked life force to heal their wounds and injuries. Demons - actually just part-Anthropophagus. they require Beast hosts on order to survive. the parents imbue the soul of the their offspring into a Beast, and the soul binds with the Beast, turning them into a somewhat humanoid version of the Beast. they have the imroved physical talents of their host Beasts and the control over several potent forms of magick. |
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fated to forever tread that endless path.
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I lke your ideas atleiers7, but its shadea not shaes, its a combination of shadow nad the latin word for demon. Another idea was the divine who was the father of zhor, daedeus, and neseidon , luceivil. A backsotry I came up for yahlah was that he and lucevil tamed the ancient world at a time where the people were influenced by wicked rulers. Lucievil believed that mortal should be punsihed for their sins while yahlah believed they should guided into th right direction. There was a war , it ended when the four children if lucievil betrayed him and helped seal him away. Zion was created as a place for mortal to escape the war. Lucievil's wife started a second war which yahlah fought in but left zion to his children and lucevil's children.
I'll see if can fit some of your ideas with mine. I also had some names for the lethal 8: The lost the searcher the madman the fallen the survivor the veteran the traitor |
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Creator
Yyuusei
Level 3 Boy
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just a question, in the 1st or second sentence of the preview, you say you "lay standing"... How does one do this exactly?
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I am on a lot now more often now, woohoo!
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Ichigo-bankai wrote: just a question, in the 1st or second sentence of the preview, you say you "lay standing"... How does one do this exactly? How? With great difficulty, of course. |
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GETITOFFMEEEE!!!
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The_8th_Sin wrote: Ichigo-bankai wrote: just a question, in the 1st or second sentence of the preview, you say you "lay standing"... How does one do this exactly? How? With great difficulty, of course. LOL ... Epic Answer. |
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Don't you dare send me a friend request unless you've read one of my pages.
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Rezzy64 wrote: The_8th_Sin wrote: Ichigo-bankai wrote: just a question, in the 1st or second sentence of the preview, you say you "lay standing"... How does one do this exactly? How? With great difficulty, of course. LOL ... Epic Answer. ITs happen to be an technique whuch I'm quite good at. |
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jadenik wrote: Rezzy64 wrote: The_8th_Sin wrote: Ichigo-bankai wrote: just a question, in the 1st or second sentence of the preview, you say you "lay standing"... How does one do this exactly? How? With great difficulty, of course. LOL ... Epic Answer. ITs happen to be an technique whuch I'm quite good at. Well that takes some serious skill. |
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Don't you dare send me a friend request unless you've read one of my pages.
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