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[RNDM] Humor Etc.
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Posted 8/1/08 , edited 8/1/08
German Joke

European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British
Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan
that would become known as
'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the
soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the
sivil servants jump with joy. The hard
'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'.
This should klear up konfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm
in the sekond year when the troublesome
'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This
will make words like fotograf 20%
shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of
the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where! more komplikated
changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal
of double letters which have always ben
a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
the silent 'e' in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to
steps such as

replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with
'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan
be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and
after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis
and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united
urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be
speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
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Posted 8/1/08
The Plan

A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and resentful about her situation, she had decided that she would rather die than to live another year in prison.

Over the years she had become good friends with one of the prison caretakers. His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker then got the body and put it in a casket. Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.

Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were kept. She would slip into the coffin with the dead body while the caretaker was filling out the death certificate. When the care-taker returned, he would nail the lid shut and take the coffin outside the prison with the woman in the coffin along with the dead body. He would then bury the coffin. The woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe until later in the evening when the caretaker would return to the graveyard under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, open it, and set her free.

The caretaker was reluctant to go along with this plan, but since he and the woman had become good friends over the years, he agreed to do it.The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison died. She was asleep in her cell when she heard the death bell ring.

She got up and slowly walked down the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of times. Her heart was beating fast. She opened the door to the darkened room where the coffins were kept. Quietly in the dark, she found the coffin that contained the dead body, carefully climbed into the coffin and pulled the lid shut to wait for the caretaker to come and nail the lid shut.

Soon she heard footsteps and the pounding of the hammer and nails. Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin with the dead body, she knew that with each nail she was one step closer to freedom. The coffin was lifted onto the wagon and taken outside to the graveyard. She could feel the coffin being lowered into the ground. She didn't make a sound as the coffin hit the bottom of the grave with a thud.

Finally she heard the dirt dropping onto the top of the wooden coffin, and she knew that it was only a matter of time until she would be free at last. After several minutes of absolute silence, she began to laugh. She was free! She was free! Feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find out the identity of the dead prisoner beside her.

To her horror, she discovered that she was lying next to the dead caretaker.

Many people believe they have life all figured out..... But sometimes it just doesn't turn out the way they planned it.
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Posted 8/1/08
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, " How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.

The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."
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Posted 8/1/08
Cold Water

A young man went to his grandfather' s place to stay for the weekend.

He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.


He asked his grandfather,"Are you sure you washed it properly?"

"As clean as cold water can get it" was the reply.

So the young man shrugged and started eating.


The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit like dog.

Are you sure you washed it properly?"

"Clean as cold water can get it" was the reply again.

The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at his plate and started eating.

As he was leaving, his grandfather' s dog jumped out in front of him, growled and generally blocked him from going forward.

"Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!" shouted the old man from inside.
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F / In an Ideal World...
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Posted 8/1/08
There were three men who worked together, one was Italian, one was French, and one was American.

Everyday, they ate lunch on the rooftop of a building, and everday, the Italian man has spaghetti and meatballs, the French man has escargot, and the American man had a hamburger.

One day, the Italian man said, "If I have spaghetti and meatballs for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building, the French man said, "If I have escargot for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building, and the American man said, "If I have hamburgers for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building."

The next day, the Italian man opened his lunch and saw that he had spaghetti and meatballs, and jumped off the building. The French man and American man opened their lunches to discover that the French man had escargot and the American man had hamburgers. They both jumped off the building.

At their funeral the Italian man and the French man's wives sat crying and they said that if they had only known they wanted something different, they would have given them something else. They looked over to see that the American man's wife was silent. They said, "Don't you feel guilty?'

Then the American man's wife said, "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!!"
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M / uhmm...not here?
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Posted 8/1/08
so just tell jokes??
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23 / F
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Posted 8/1/08

metamoKS wrote:

so just tell jokes??


yep..
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Posted 8/3/08 , edited 8/3/08
AIRPLANE FOOD!!


Alaska Airline
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Arabic Airlines
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Australian Airlines
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Austrian Airlines
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Baltic Airlines
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British Airlines
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Bulgarian Airlines
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Canadian Airlines
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