Post Reply "Le Jardinier et Le Gouverneur" by wolf66613
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Posted 8/3/08 , edited 8/4/08
episode 1 The New Gardener


Our story begins in France, the date is Monday may 7 1690, the time is 2:18 pm, the weather is sunny with a few clouds. We will now turn to the mansion of governor Fernand Danglars who is this day very worried about a rumor he herd a few hours concerning a rebel faction working against him, witch is very disheartening to him because he had done every thing in his power to give no one a reason to rebel. As the clock strikes 2:25, he walks out to the garden, so that he can pay the gardener his weekly fee and inspect his work and he is very surprised to find a man he has never seen before trimming the hedges. As Fernand approaches the man he asks
"Who are you? Has something happened to the usual gardener, Caderousse?" to this the man solemnly replies
"It breaks my heart to say this but he was found dead last Wednesday, someone stabbed him with his own shears, I herd it was a member of the rebel faction that did it. I'm his replacement my name is Monte, Monte Cristo"
"I see, so Caderousse is dead" says a grief stricken Fernand
"He was one of my closest friends"
"I feel for your loss I to know what it is like to lose a friend. Just let me take care of the weeds and I'll leave you don't need to pay me this week I wouldn't want to add to your sorrows" says Monte
"No, you have rendered a service and therefor I must pay you back for it!" says Fernand as Monte diverts his attention to pulling up weeds
"Your very kind sir, but I insist on leaving here today with only my tools, but I wont mind if you give me a little extra next week"
"I see, very well then"
"I just realised something sir" says Monte as he pulls up the last of what few weeds there were
"And whats that?"
"Our jobs are very similar"
"Oh, and what makes you say that?"
"Well just as its your job to maintain order among the people by disposing of criminal elements, it is my job to maintain order in the garden by disposing of the weeds. And now I must take my leave, until next week" says Monte just as he finishes packing his tools and as he leaves Fernand replies
"Until next week"
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Posted 8/3/08 , edited 8/5/08
This opening is somewhat intriguing. I find your use of names from The Count of Monte Cristo somewhat random, but then again, I don't know what this anime is about, so I don't know if it's appropriate. If it were simply a slightly altered remake of the story, I would be disappointed, but I seriously doubt that.

For the most part, the story is smoothly written. Spelling errors, though present, do not interfere with understanding the text, except perhaps, in the case of the word "incest" which I suggest you change to "insist" as soon as possible to avoid confusion.

Monte's comments about weeding being like policing sounded cool and wasn't the least bit cheesy, which statements like that are bound to be.

I have no knowledge of the plot as of yet, but the setup is different from all of the other stories on the group, so I will look forward to following it.

By the way, do you intend to make all of your episodes this short? It isn't a problem exactly, but they aren't really "episodes" when they are this long.

EDIT: All I can really predict at this point is that the new gardener is more important than he seems. Then again, aren't all characters introduced in such a way more important than they seem?
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Posted 8/11/08 , edited 8/12/08
episode 2 The Grave

The date is Wednesday may 9 1690, the time is 5:47 pm the funeral of Caderousse's has just came to an end and Fernand has walked far into the cemetery with a bouquet of roses. At 6:07 he reaches his destination an old grave with the name carved on it Jean Valjean he places the bouquet in front of the grave and says
"Well old friend Caderousse is with you now, but you probably knew even before I did, in fact I wouldn't put it past you to greet him at the pearly gates your self. I wish I could be so lucky as to have the opportunity to meet you again under those circumstances." no sooner dose he say this when the silence of the cemetery is interrupted by some one saying
"Evening sir." with that Fernand turns around to see who else could be in the cemetery at this time and to his surprise it is none other then Monte Cristo holding a bouquet of roses. With this a perplexed Fernand asks: "Monte, what are you doing in this morbid place?" to this Monte replies
"I'm hear to visit the grave next to your friends" as he points to a grave labeled with the name Monte Cristo
"My grandfather who I am named after now rests hear. He died ten years ago this day, it was murder."
"I see, I'm sorry to hear that. If only there was a way to keep crime from happening."
"I don't mean to sound rude but there is a way to prevent crime."
"Oh, and whats that?" says Fernand obviously shocked by the remark
"Well the way things are its as if the government is afraid of the people, if you want less crime make the people afraid of the government."
"THAT'S ABSURD" says an enraged Fernand
"Sorry I didn't mean to yell its just that idea goes against everything I have ever worked for. And now I'm afraid I must take my leave good buy."
"Good buy sir" when Monte is confident Fernand has left he very casually places his bouquet at the same grave Fernand placed his
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Posted 8/12/08

wolf66613 wrote:

episode 2 The Grave

The date is wednesday may 9 1690, the time is 5:47 pm the funeral of Caderousse's has just came to an end and Fernand has walked far into the cemetery with a bouquet of roses. At 6:07 he reaches his destination an old grave with the name carved on it Jean Valjean he places the bouquet in front of the grave and says
"Well old friend Caderousse is with you now, but you probably knew even before I did, in fact I wouldn't put it past you to greet him at the pearly gates your self. I wish I could be so lucky as to have the operatunity to meet you again under those circumstances." no sooner dose he say this when the silence of the cemetery is interrupted by some one saying
"Evening sir." with that Fernand turns around to see who else could be in the cemetery at this time and to his surprise it is none other then Monte Cristo holding a bouquet of roses. With this a perplexed Fernand asks: "Monte, what are you doing in this morbid place?" to this Monte replies
"I'm hear to visit the grave next to your friends" as he points to a grave labeled with the name Monte Cristo
"My grandfather who I am named after now rests hear. He died ten years ago this day, it was murder."
"I see, I'm sorry to hear that. If only there was a way to keep crime from happening."
"I don't mean to sound rude but there is a way to prevent crime."
"Oh, and whats that?" says Fernand obviously shocked by the remark
"Well the way things are its as if the government is afraid of the people, if you want less crime make the people afraid of the government."
"THAT'S ABSURD" says an enraged Fernand
"Sorry I didn't mean to yell its just that idea goes against everything I have ever worked for. And now I'm afraid I must take my leave good buy."
"Good buy sir" when Monte is confident Fernand has left he very casually places his bouquet at the same grave Fernand placed his


I'm not sure what to say, except: What is Jean Valjean doing in this story?
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Posted 8/12/08

The_8th_Sin wrote:


wolf66613 wrote:

episode 2 The Grave

The date is wednesday may 9 1690, the time is 5:47 pm the funeral of Caderousse's has just came to an end and Fernand has walked far into the cemetery with a bouquet of roses. At 6:07 he reaches his destination an old grave with the name carved on it Jean Valjean he places the bouquet in front of the grave and says
"Well old friend Caderousse is with you now, but you probably knew even before I did, in fact I wouldn't put it past you to greet him at the pearly gates your self. I wish I could be so lucky as to have the operatunity to meet you again under those circumstances." no sooner dose he say this when the silence of the cemetery is interrupted by some one saying
"Evening sir." with that Fernand turns around to see who else could be in the cemetery at this time and to his surprise it is none other then Monte Cristo holding a bouquet of roses. With this a perplexed Fernand asks: "Monte, what are you doing in this morbid place?" to this Monte replies
"I'm hear to visit the grave next to your friends" as he points to a grave labeled with the name Monte Cristo
"My grandfather who I am named after now rests hear. He died ten years ago this day, it was murder."
"I see, I'm sorry to hear that. If only there was a way to keep crime from happening."
"I don't mean to sound rude but there is a way to prevent crime."
"Oh, and whats that?" says Fernand obviously shocked by the remark
"Well the way things are its as if the government is afraid of the people, if you want less crime make the people afraid of the government."
"THAT'S ABSURD" says an enraged Fernand
"Sorry I didn't mean to yell its just that idea goes against everything I have ever worked for. And now I'm afraid I must take my leave good buy."
"Good buy sir" when Monte is confident Fernand has left he very casually places his bouquet at the same grave Fernand placed his


I'm not sure what to say, except: What is Jean Valjean doing in this story?


I wanted a french name not from "The Count of Monte Cristo"
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Posted 8/12/08

wolf66613 wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


wolf66613 wrote:

episode 2 The Grave

The date is wednesday may 9 1690, the time is 5:47 pm the funeral of Caderousse's has just came to an end and Fernand has walked far into the cemetery with a bouquet of roses. At 6:07 he reaches his destination an old grave with the name carved on it Jean Valjean he places the bouquet in front of the grave and says
"Well old friend Caderousse is with you now, but you probably knew even before I did, in fact I wouldn't put it past you to greet him at the pearly gates your self. I wish I could be so lucky as to have the operatunity to meet you again under those circumstances." no sooner dose he say this when the silence of the cemetery is interrupted by some one saying
"Evening sir." with that Fernand turns around to see who else could be in the cemetery at this time and to his surprise it is none other then Monte Cristo holding a bouquet of roses. With this a perplexed Fernand asks: "Monte, what are you doing in this morbid place?" to this Monte replies
"I'm hear to visit the grave next to your friends" as he points to a grave labeled with the name Monte Cristo
"My grandfather who I am named after now rests hear. He died ten years ago this day, it was murder."
"I see, I'm sorry to hear that. If only there was a way to keep crime from happening."
"I don't mean to sound rude but there is a way to prevent crime."
"Oh, and whats that?" says Fernand obviously shocked by the remark
"Well the way things are its as if the government is afraid of the people, if you want less crime make the people afraid of the government."
"THAT'S ABSURD" says an enraged Fernand
"Sorry I didn't mean to yell its just that idea goes against everything I have ever worked for. And now I'm afraid I must take my leave good buy."
"Good buy sir" when Monte is confident Fernand has left he very casually places his bouquet at the same grave Fernand placed his


I'm not sure what to say, except: What is Jean Valjean doing in this story?


I wanted a french name not from "The Count of Monte Cristo"


I was only joking really. Please keep going with this story. You should really hurry up though, because nothing has really happened yet.
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Posted 9/4/08 , edited 9/4/08
episode 3 The Tea


The date is Monday May 14 1690, the time is 1:00 pm, Monte Cristo has just arrived at the Danlars estate and to hid grate astonishment the colorful garden has been replaced by a black sea of ash, the only thing left on the property is the house witch even more surprisingly was untouched. It is then he notices Fernand sobbing among the former garden.
"Its immature of you to cry when the house is unharmed" says Monte to Fernand who snaps back
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULD CRY TO IF THE ONLY THING YOU HAS TO REMEMBER A DEAD FRIEND WENT UP IN FLAMES BECAUSE OF SOME CRIMINAL"
"I'm sorry I had no idea the garden was all Caderousse left behind, ... When you say criminal do you meas that this was arson" inquires Monte
"Yes I do. I will need you to grow a new garden, you can make it how ever you want"
"Thank you sir, I have always wanted to grow a garden from scratch, and on that note I have a plant whose leaves make a very good tea witch it is said that the first emperor of china drank every day and can be attributed to his extraordinary lifespan and clarity of mind, it also dose wonders for the nerves, I have some of the leaves with me, shall I prepare some for you sir?"
"Yes pleas, I need something for my nerves with all that has happened to day." and with that Monte goes into the house and later emerges with a cup of tea
"Hear you are sir enjoy your tea" Fernand takes the cup and drinks when he finishes the tea he says
"Now that this has happened I'm begin to think that you were right and the people should be made to fear the law but honestly I don't know where to begin. Monte, what wold you do if you were me"
"That's easy sir, first I would make all punishments very severe like cutting a thief's hand off , or branding the face of a blackmailer. Then later I would declare marshal law, and finally I would make all crimes punishable by death."
"That's very harsh indeed I ... I fear what may happen if I take this advice." replies Fernand
"You don't have to worry sir as long as you take this plan slowly. And now I must take my leave I must get every thing ready for your new garden. until next weak."
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